Keep Me In Memory

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

The fire crackled, and Madeleine woke up with a start.
God, she hadn't even realised that she'd fallen asleep.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she'd barely slept since Lee's memory... loss. The blackness and those eyes had been getting at her every time she tried to close her eyes.
It was okay, though. She could control it when she was awake, usually.
However, when people insisted on asking her constantly if she was 'okay', it was all she could do not to scream at them, and break down or cry.
But she refused to do it. She was a Baudelaire, right?
And she'd already promised that Lee would never see her cry because of him.
But that didn't mean she couldn't cry in private.
Last night, she'd had a nightmare about Lee, in Lylis Glen. It took the form of the usual Shaun flashbacks, except, when they reached the road, Lee's eyes flickered to brown, and...
She wrenched the thought out of her head, feeling the black treacle well up again, and sat up properly.
And then realised that Lee was on the chair across from her.
"Hey," she said, apologetically, forcing tears back.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Lee was out of the Hospital Wing, and out of its familiar white walls and floors... and back in Orchid. It was funny. He knew the place like the back of his hand. But the people- well, that was a different story. And it didn't help that everyone was staring at him- whether they went about it obviously or not, they still were. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled with the feeling of eyes on him. It made him feel awkward, and uncomfortable. He'd almost have preferred it if people had just come and spoke to him.
But it was like he'd turned into a taboo. Now, now, children, you can look, but you can't talk to it.
It.
Ugh.
Still, he was relieved to find the Common Room empty. A chair he could swear was his favourite just screamed to him from the fireplace. He crossed the room, heading straight for it then... stopped.
Madeleine!
He'd know her anywhere- the freshest memory of them all- clean, crisp and pretty. He was also keen to interrogate her. They'd been dating! He looked at her and could feel nothing but arrogance. Had he really been able to do that well? It was incredible. She was beautiful.
He sat down, trying to think of something to say, but she looked up first and spoke first, saving him the trouble.
"Hey," she said apologetically.
How come? "Hi," he grinned.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine had to take an intake of breath at his smile - because it was still exactly the same.
God...
She wasn't sure if it would hurt more if it had changed, but ... it was like that scene in ET, where he touched his heart and murmured "Ouch".
She hated that film.
Her eyes ran over Lee, taking in the familiar shapes and curves of his body, the familiar, beautiful contours of his face, taking note of the new cuts, grazes and bruises all over him. It caused pain, knowing that she couldn't have that again, but in a way, she'd rather feel this pain than not look at him.
Sick, masochistic Madeleine.
"How are you doing?" she asked softly, smiling gently with all the forced serenity she could muster, silently hoping that he'd smile back.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

She seemed soft at the moment- gentle, even. Lee knew for a fact this wasn't how she really was. That slap was... well, gee. You wouldn't have expected it from someone so small. She seemed harmless now. He guessed he must've really upset her. Had they been serious? He wanted to know desperately. There were a lot of questions he had, actually. He just didn't know how to say them. Not without sounding... nosy.
But how could he be nosy about his own life?
It was weird.
Still, she was smiling at him, so he'd just take that to be a good sign.
He smiled back, warmly, pleased to have her smile at him. "I'm... well, I'm good, actually. I don't think I'm meant to be- but I am. After all, I don't know what I've forgotten, so I can't miss it- right?" Logic. See? He lowered his voice now, glancing around.
"Um... how are you? I haven't like... affected you badly, or anything?"

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

"After all, I don't know what I've forgotten, so I can't miss it- right?"
Lucky...
The thought surprised her - because she didn't mean that. Of course she didn't...
But that was the logic behind her keeping this all secret from him - what he didn't know, couldn't hurt him.
But he wasn't lucky. To have to start over again, like that...
Madeleine seemed to be over her bout of selfishness, the selfish thoughts that she had had in the bath the night before. It was now - like it should be - preventing Lee from more pain than stopping her own.
Because all that mattered was that he was okay.
Lee's voice was lowered now, and she found that she was straining to hear it, the soft words in that familiar Irish lilt...
"Um... how are you? I haven't like... affected you badly, or anything?"
Lie.
She smiled ruefully. "It's alright. It was a ... well, a huge shock, really. I'll get over it."
She would.
"I'm really sorry that I slapped you," she added softly. That had kept her up for a few hours last night - she'd slapped him. How could she have done that to him? As soon as she'd done it, she hated her quick temper. "I just... I don't know why I did it, but I have a pretty short fuse. But I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that..."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

"Nah, you're fine," he said cheerfully. And she was fine. But apparently, she looked like she was making a big deal of this. Lee... he guessed he didn't feel like it was a big deal. He would like to have been able to tell people that waking up and not knowing anyone was the strangest thing in the world- except... how could he, if for him, that was the norm? All he knew was this. And for him... this was this.
But he supposed, considering how it might've effected people, maybe they expected him to react similarly. Yes. That's it.
Madeleine had used the word, 'shock'. It sounded good. It sounded right.
"So..." he said slowly, when she did not speak. "Um... Madeleine. Can I call you Maddie? Or, em, did I?"

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Her intake of breath was subtle, but it was still there.
"You did," she said quietly, bringing the false smile up again.
Come on, Madeleine, wise up. It's not this bad. You can do better than this.
It was odd how natural the word still sounded on his lips. Like he'd never not called her that. But after the little flicker of surprise, all that she could feel was the yearning rise up in her.
He'd been 'gone' for less than two days, and already she was missing him to death.
"You can call me Maddie if you want," she shrugged, wondering vaguely why she was telling him to call her that when it was only going to hurt.
Stupid, masochistic girl.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

"Maddie," he repeated, trying it out, then, cocking his head, he smiled at her. "Maddie. Yeah. Cool. I like that."
Better than Lee.
Sorry, maybe it was true. Maybe it was weird. He just wasn't sure about that name of his. But what would he respond to? Maybe... maybe he could change it. He still liked Matthew and Luke. Or maybe something a bit more original...
Ha, Ashi'taka!
Where had that come from?
Or there was... um... John. That was a good name. He liked John. Or... Tom. Al. Big ol' Al. Lee wrinkled his nose. Okay, never mind. Maybe no name suited him- or at least it didn't feel like they did. No name could be completely perfect, right? Lee, really, was as good as any other name.
Lee and Maddie. It sounded nice.
"Maddie," Lee said again, liking the sound of it, "I was wondering... em... a girl, the Carer Head person, Will... she said we'd been going out?"
Curiosity. That's what this was. Curiosity. Eagerness. Good words. Good emotion. He was definitely getting a feel for all of this stuff.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine had to repress a flinch as he smiled at her and repeated her nickname.
It was the eyes that made it that little bit harder. It was like Lee had been given some strangers eyes, someone that had played no part in her life...
Someone whose life she'd never played a part in.
Now that caused a flinch.
"Head of the Carers," she corrected automatically, before answering carefully, measuring out her words and testing them in her mind before speaking them. "Yeah, we... were."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Were. Lee noted this particular use of the word slightly gloomily. But what was he to have expected? Pick up a relationship with a pretty girl he knew nothing about? In her eyes, he was probably a new person- a different person. Maybe Lee had changed- really, really changed- and he didn't even know it. And he didn't like how she was looking at him. Cautiously. Apologetically. And softly.
She'd lost all of the fire she'd had when he first met her.
That was funny. Had he done that?
But... how much could one person change? The thought puzzled him, and saddened him.
"How... um... were we serious?" he asked her quietly, not quite meeting her eyes.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

He was avoiding her eyes, and Madeleine immediately felt sickened at the part of her that felt relieved that she didn't have to look into his eyes.
It was still Lee, wasn't it?
Wasn't it?
Of course it was. Stop being silly, Madeleine.
But her gaze still flickered towards the fire as she replied. "I guess you could say that."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Lee's eyes shot back up to her, but her eyes were no longer on him; dark blue and flecked with the orange reflection of the fire as it danced in him. Lee's brow furrowed. What did she mean? No specifics. Nothing. And worse still, she wasn't making conversation with him. Not at all. Maybe... maybe they had a chequered past?
Maybe... maybe she didn't want him here...?
"Okay," he said awkwardly- because they were awkward, or at least he was, whether she meant them to be or not. "Um... right." Then straightening up, he cleared his throat, casting about for some topic of conversation. "I have wings, and I don't know how to use them. Isn't that good?"

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine laughed, turning away from the fire back to him.
Instead of forcing the memory back, she used it to smile at him. "You used to be an awesome flier; you took me across the lake once, and we raced the rest of the way."
Freefalling...
Remembering it did make her feel sad, wistful, hurt, but she wanted to see what he'd say.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Lee felt a surge of inexplicable relief. A smile. Good.
She looked better when she smiled anyway.
"I'd like to be able to do that again soon," he told her happily. "I mean... it can't be too hard to learn. Flying should be instinct... that is... once I actually know what my instinct is telling me."

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Freefalling...
It was like she could feel the wind rushing past her all over again.
"It'll come back," she assured him. "You don't lose instinct."
Hopefully, anyway...
"I'll even go flying with you again, if you want," she promised, locking her thoughts behind a heavy oak door in her brain.