Healing [Cass]

[Will Wright]

Will dragged her foot up to the last stair and walked through the door onto the roof. Nobody was up here which was a good thing. Will could have healed herself but no. She was deciding to be stupid and let it keep bleeding. And bleed and bleed. It was better than having to pay attention to the emotional pain.
She walked around the entrance and slumped down the wall. One leg stretched out while the other was turned awkwardly towards the outstretched one. She was a total mess. She was filthy and probably quite smelly to. It probably looked like she had been a drunk and been thrown out of the pub and left there to roll around until she was sober enough to realize what had happened. She was...tramp-like.
Her eyes were red and swollen, her voice hoarse and her throat sore. Her breath stank from being sick. No. She wasn't going to go back and look like that to be made fun of. For it to spread around. For him to hear about it.
In all honesty, Will needed a friend right about now. Someone to pick her up and tell her everything was going to be alright. Or at least slap her across the face and tell her to wise the hell up. The latter would probably work best though. She closed her eyes and waited for the migrane to disappear but no, she wasn't getting of that easy.
Ugh...what have I done. What am I even doing?
She rolled hung her head which hit against her chest and caused her to wince against the pain. She had worn the wrong top. She should know not to wear white when she was in the Hospital. But white suited her. The rain lashed down and still, she just sat. Getting wet, not feeling the cold and not bothering to evaporate the rain.
She was just being stupid and she had no idea how to stop.

[Cass van der Berg]

“I swear to God, Cass, next time you call me I’m throwing my phone out the window.”
Cass grinned, walking out towards the edge of the rooftop, and leaning on the wall which ran around the edge.
It was raining, but Cass had nonetheless decided that it was a good idea to go up to the roof. After the cardiac arrest, he had tried to go back to work, but had only managed to keep working for a couple of minutes before Cardo and Anna had decided to tag-team him in an effort to get him to take a break. Their efforts were unsuccessful, but when Gornray himself had told him that he was overdoing it – having only had the one five-minute break in the entire day, which had been finished by dealing with an emergency situation – he’d been more or less forced out of the hospital wing, with the injunction that he was not to return for half an hour.
So he’d gone to the roof. It was easier not to think about things on the roof.
“Counter-productive,” Cass said, looking out over the forest. It almost looked healthy, with the rain. It looked less desert-like, that way. It looked like it could get better.
It actually would, though. They’d make it better.
“What?” Cardo asked irritably.
“That’s counter-productive. Right, fair enough, you throw the phone out of the window. Then I call Anna instead, and she tells me what’s happening, and I still get the info I wanted. The only difference is that you don’t have a phone anymore.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t care. It’s the gesture that counts, isn’t it? It’s all symbolism.”
Cass laughed. “Only you would symbolically crap up your phone.”
“I make the improbable possible, I know. But listen, Cass – seriously. Ser-i-ous-ly. If you’re going to swan off to the roof to take your break, you can at least do it thoroughly. It doesn’t count as a break if you keep calling every three minutes. Not to mention, of course, the fact that some people are still working, and it’s really bloody hard to hook up an IV when you’re balancing the phone on your shoulder.”
Cass frowned. “I thought you were taking a break now? You were in the staff room when I left.”
“Yeah, well, circumstances dictated otherwise. C’est la vie.”
“What circumstances? What’s happened?” Cass asked, panic suddenly in his voice.
A heavy sigh. “Julian Kingston from first year decided that he could no longer handle the sight of blood and chucked up over Lana Rotherham. She went off to get cleaned up; I said I’d cover for her.”
“Ahh, right, I see.”
“Yeah, do you see? That’s the action you’re missing, Cass. Aside from your big drama earlier it has been a quiet day. The place isn’t falling apart without you, you know.”
Cass laughed. “Glad to know I’m such a central part of the Carer system.”
“It’s not you; it’s all of us. It’s been five days now, you realise.”
“Aww, seriously, has it…?” Cass asked sarcastically.
“And it being five days,” Cardo continued, ignoring him, “means that all the minor injuries have been taken care of, and the major injuries have been dealt with as best we can. It’s nearly all monitoring now. And we have plenty of people who know how to do that.”
“Monitoring’s important, though. We wouldn’t monitor unless there was a chance that something would go wrong –”
“A chance, yeah. Look – right, Cass, I’m not saying that nothing will go wrong. I’m saying that it’s extremely unlikely that everything will go wrong all at once and that we’re going to be understaffed for the sole reason that you’re not there. And if that did happen, I would call you. As it is not happening, get the hell off the line and go do some actual relaxation in your break, or you’ll screw up later on account of sleep deprivation.”
“That’s not necessarily –”
“Cass. For God’s sake. Hang up.”
“Look, I’m only –”
“Hang up.”
Cass couldn’t help laughing. “What, you’re just going to force me –”
“Hang up.”
“Oh, this is really matu –”
“Hang up hang up hang up hang up hang up hang up hang up hang up hang up –”
“All right! Jesus. Fine. Fine. I’m going now, OK?”
“Thank you. I shall speak to you later.”
“Yes. Yes, you shall. Goodbye,” Cass said very formally, although there was still laughter in his voice, and he hung up.
He couldn’t be blamed, though, for worrying. Carers needed breaks. Everyone knew that. And the Carers especially needed breaks at a time like this.
The Carers loved nothing more than to tell each other that they were too tired, that they were running themselves into the ground, that they needed to put themselves first for a bit. That was what Cass had told Will earlier, after all, more or less. That was what Cardo was telling him now. But they told each other this while doing the exact same thing to themselves.
The Carers were hypocrites – they all extolled the benefits of breaks and rest and sleep, but all secretly thought that they themselves would be fine without it just for a little bit longer, just for another hour, if they just had one more cup of coffee. They didn’t all realise that they were doing it, but it was the truth all the same. It was a department full of Superman complexes.
Cass looked at his watch. 24 minutes left to go. He still wanted to get back down there – he was counting off the seconds. But no, he’d have to stay, or they’d never let him back in. Half an hour here would get him in for about another six hours before he was going to go to sleep, and he would focus on what he would get done during those six hours instead of what he was missing now.
And at 23 minutes, he heard a sound from behind him, and thanked God. He was going to go crazy if he had to stay in his own head for a moment longer.
He turned around, and saw his Head for the second time that day. “Hey, Will,” he said, and his face began to move into a grin to greet her –
– until he saw the look on her face, the scratches on her chest, the blood on her clothes.
“Oh my God, what happened?” he asked immediately; concern covering his face and filling his voice.

[Will Wright]

Nothing, just me being stupid.
She didn't even bother to look up at him. She just wanted these horrible things out of her so she wouldn't have to do this anymore. Wouldn't have to feel the way she did. Wouldn't have to answer to anyone. Wouldn't have to.
"I-" she croaked. She sounded awful and the last thing she had wanted was for somebody to find her like this. Then again, a moment ago she had said she's needed a friend. And Cass had appeared.
Shaking her head she just closed her eyes and listened to the rain fall all around her. Her chest was getting itchy again, all so itchy and stinging like mad. So she started scratch at it viviously again, peeling away more skin and drawing more blood.
They had to be banished from her body. They just needed them to be banished and banished for good. She needed her freedom. She opened her eyes again and looked up at Cass. Cass, one of her friends. One of her best friends although she didn't know if he knew that or not. Looking at her with nothing but concern. As she lay on the ground all she wanted to do was burst out screaming and screaming.
And just keep screaming.
She might've done it if Cass hadn't been there.
"I-" no, she still couldn't answer him so she just kept at the scratching making the cut worse and worse.
What could she say to him?
Anything she said would sound insane.
Anything the explained and he'd probably make her visit Tamika.
So what could she say?
How had it happened?
Well, that may be pretty obvious by now.
I need to tell him. He can see how the blood happened but the reason behind it. Will he get it by himself? Will we need to go back to the conversation we had earlier? No. I can't. Can't talk about it again. No! she shook her head fast and the scratching started going faster and harder.
"Cass, I-" no words were coming so she just lay on the ground and tried to come up with a sentence. A way to tell him without sounding so insane or emo like. But there was nothing.

[Cass van der Berg]

Oh, God.
She’d done it herself. The cuts… She was doing it herself; she was scratching –
Harder and harder, faster and faster. He needed to stop her.
He was at her side in a millisecond, and he immediately knelt down and firmly took her hands away from the wounds that she was scratching deeper into her chest. He was able to do it easily: Cass, although not generally a very physical person, had managed at least to get very strong muscles in his hands through his lifetime of music.
He’d never thought that he would need to use his strong hands for something like this, but life was full of surprises.
This was another thing that Cardo would have been better at. For God’s sake, this was it; after today, Cass was never going anywhere without the guy. Cass was going to say something wrong. He was going to screw this up. After all, he’d thought that his advice had worked earlier, but if she was like this now…
“Will, stop it,” he said, trying to be authoritative. He didn’t need to say to stop it; she didn’t have an option, with the way her bloodied hands were held by his. “You can’t do this – not now. We need you, the Carers all need you – you can’t do this to yourself now; you can’t.”
What else did he say?
This was probably something to do with what they had been talking about earlier. Or maybe it wasn’t… He assumed that it was something to do with that, but really, he had no idea. He only thought that that was what it was because that was the only other time that he’d ever seen Will like that. But maybe… How did he know that that was all it was?
This could have been going on for a while, for all he knew. And that thought scared him.
He was starting to worry about her.
“You need to sit up and calm down; then we’ll talk about whatever’s making you do this.”

[Will Wright]

He held her hands.
She needed those hands.
She needed to remove the indecencey that was in her.
The impurities.
“Will, stop it,” he said, trying to be authoritative. “You can’t do this – not now. We need you, the Carers all need you – you can’t do this to yourself now; you can’t.”
He spoke the truth. Will knew this but it still wasn't enough for her to snap out of it. She needed something bigger. Something that would actually make her listen. Make her want to listen.
“You need to sit up and calm down; then we’ll talk about whatever’s making you do this.”
She gulped.
No. No way in hell am I talking about this again. No.
She looked at him with terrified eyes and started to shake her head and struggle against him. It was no use. He wasn't going to let go of her. No matter how much she struggled, he wasn't going to let her go.
"Please," she croaked, her voice shaky, "Please let go of me, please," she shut her eyes and tried to get her hands free again, "pl- hease, just let go of me. Let go of me!"
Her throat ached. Her chest stun madly. "I don't want to talk anymore! I don't want to think of it anymore! I just want these horrible things out of me!"
She was definately going to go to the psychiatric ward. There was no doubt about that. She was just out of her mind. She felt the urge to burn Cass to let him let go of her but she didn't.
It wasn't Cass' fault that she was acting this way. He was only trying to help her. That's all. He hadn't done anything wrong. Cass couldn't do anything wrong. She had wanted company and now she had it. Cass was here. She looked at his eyes which were full of concern. Concern about what she had been doing.
"Cass, please let go of me." she tried to speak harder, harsher. In her Head voice but it failed miserably. She needed help and desperately but as far as she was concerned-
Nobody can help me. I'm beyond help.

[Cass van der Berg]

There was really only one response to that.
“No.”
He hated this.
Cass was not designed to do things like this; to subdue someone using what was probably technically classified as ‘force’, even though he was only holding her hands. He didn’t like this at all. But what else could he do?
He hoped it wasn’t hurting her, as she struggled to get free of his hands, but if was there wasn’t much he could do about it. It was certain, at least, that if he was hurting her, it was still better this way. She would hurt herself more if he let go.
“I’m not letting go, Will. You’re hurting yourself. I’m not letting go until you calm down.”
And he meant that. He would stay holding her hands for as long as he needed to.

[Will Wright]

When there was someone in a bad shape and hurting themselves because they were angry and frustrated about something there was only one thing that made them angrier and more frustrated. Somebody who talked reason to them. It made things worse but in the long run it actually helped. It always got worse before it got better.
And while Cass spoke reason to Will she kept struggling and tried to block out his voice as best as she could. But it wasn't working. His words slowly went in through both ears and swam around in her head.
I’m not letting go, Will. You’re hurting yourself. I’m not letting go until you calm down.
Not letting go until you calm down.
Hurting yourself..
Not letting go..
Somewhere in the midst of these words Will stopped struggling. She went limp. She just stared at his eyes which were blurred by the water in her eyes.
Then very slowly and delibrately to keep her voice from shaking, she spoke in a low but firm voice"I need out Cass. Just let me get out." she stared at him..well more like glared.
The rain came down even harder and hit against her chest making the blood look like it was flowing non-stop. She swallowed and took a deep breath, keeping very still.
"Please let me get out?

[Cass van der Berg]

Cass breathed in.
She looked calmer, now, but for all he knew she could just have been pretending. After today, Cass wasn’t going to try and predict what Will was going to do. He clearly couldn’t.
He’d really thought that he’d helped earlier. Maybe that was just him being full of himself, but he had – he’d thought that she’d seemed calmer. She’d seemed optimistic, she’d seemed –
Oh, God, he didn’t even know.
But he hadn’t thought that she was going to do this. If he’d seen this coming in any way he wouldn’t have let her go, he would have… He would have helped somehow. He would have, even though he couldn’t see how now.
He felt kind of helpless, truth be told. He was supposed to be able to help people, he was supposed to be a bloody Carer, but he couldn’t even see when his advice had failed. He couldn’t even…
She looked calmer now, but how was Cass supposed to know if it was going to last? She’d looked calmer earlier.
But no. He’d said that he would let her go if she calmed down, and she had. It wouldn’t do anything for this situation if he betrayed her trust now, no matter how small the way in which he did it.
“I’m going to let go now,” he said, speaking in a very calm voice. “But Will, you can’t do that again, OK? You can’t hurt yourself like that. And I’m trusting you not to.”
He didn’t know if this was how you were even supposed to do this, to deal with someone who had been hurting themselves. Cass had never been in a situation like this before, and psychiatry wasn’t his area. What were you supposed to do about self-harm? He didn’t know what tack you were supposed to take, gentleness or firmness or…
He was going into this blind. He wasn’t even sure if he should let go of her hands.
But if she started doing it again, Cass could move faster than she could. And he didn’t want to grab her hands again, but if it was a choice between that and the wounds on her chest getting worse…
He’d do what he had to.
And with that thought making him feel a little bit safer, he let go.

[Will Wright]

As soon as Cass let go Will's hands curled into fists and she crossed her arms over her chest. She lay still, avoiding eyecontact with Cass and they both stayed there in silenece. The only sound was the heavy rain against the ground.
She'd refuse to go on that topic again. And she'd keep refusing. Although he is only trying to help you. It's rude just to throw it back in his face especially when he's being kind and doing his best. At least he'll listen. And he won't judge. Then again, I don't want to talk about it. I just want it all to stop. Though it's true, what mum and Cass had said...I do need to actually tell him that I love him. Hints obviously aren't working. But what if he doesn't believe me? What if he thinks I'm playing a joke on him. I'm sorry mum, I just don't see how you would know he'd say yes...
Her fists disappeared and she dug her nails into her side. She wasn't going to let go. She needed to have something to hold her anchored to the earth and physical pain seemed to be doing the job properly. She could stand physical pain.
What am I going to do? Wh-H- Please mum, help me... She closed her eyes and breathed in and out deeply. She could hold herself together. She could. She would.
"Cass...do I look like a tramp at the minute?" she asked quietly, "And tell the truth."
Maybe those guys were right..maybe I am a tramp. Maybe that's why he doesn't like me. Maybe that's why my past two relationships failed...
She opened her eyes but still avoided his at the same time.
She didn't need the extra guilt she would feel and she didn't want to see him worrying about her. That's probably what she hated the most. People worrying.
So why couldn't she take her mind of of this?
Her stomach was turning over and over making her feel queasey. Please not again, please, please, please, not again. Please She kept gulping air down to keep herself from heaving. She was glad it was raining. That way the sheen of sweat that would have been on her face was being washed away.
Please. she closed her eyes again and her contorted into that of concentration, determenation and desperation.

[Cass van der Berg]

A what?
“Of course you don’t,” he said immediately, his surprise at the question starkly evident.
It was true. Will was pretty, that much was obvious. And she didn’t look like… like that. (Cass hated that word; he wouldn’t even think it unless he had to.)
He had to admit, he had no idea whatsoever where this was coming from. “Why would you think that?”
She just didn’t look happy, now. She didn’t look well. She didn’t look like herself. But she was still pretty. She still shouldn’t have been thinking like that.
He got down on his knees beside her, with some half-formed idea of hugging her, or putting his hand on her shoulder, or something. But he decided that that wasn’t a good idea, now; she probably needed her own space, and Cass needed her to trust him.
But he perched on his knees beside her anyway, and, as he did so, he saw her nails digging into her sides, and immediately began worrying even more. “Will, please don’t do that. Please. I don’t want to take your hands again, but if you keep hurting yourself I’m going to need to.”
Oh, look at him, trying to act all in control of the situation. Like he could stop her, if it really came down to it. But… he didn’t know. If he showed her how uncertain he was feeling, he didn’t know what would happen. It wouldn’t make her feel any calmer, at any rate.
It wouldn’t make him feel any calmer, either.

[Will Wright]

“Why would you think that?” he shuffled and then was down on his knees beside her.
Did she tell him? What would he say? Even if she wanted to tell him she didn't know how to. Where to start. So many things. Maybe..maybe she should've let them beat her up. Done nothing to stop them. I mean it's not like it could've been any worse, right? Physical pain is better than emotional, right?
One of the guys had bruised her anyway they had held on so tight to her arm. The strange thing was is that she hadn't even notice it until she had walked up the stairs that led out onto the roof. She hadn't felt a thing even when it had been happening.
"Hey, Simon, look at her."
"She looks like a tramp,"
"Doesn't she have any sense of fashion at all?"
"Does she know what a shower is? Has she even seen one?"
"Hey tramp, ever heard of a shower?"
She flinched and her nails dug deeper unintentionally. She remembered what she had thought next. All of them had begun to circle her, she had no chance of fighting them all of without using her powers.
I wonder if they've managed to get out yet..
“Will, please don’t do that. Please. I don’t want to take your hands again, but if you keep hurting yourself I’m going to need to.” she looked up at him and then looked down. She withdrew her nails and put her hands out in front of her and looked up at him again.
"Take them. Hold on to my hands Cass. I don't think I can..." she shook her head and then looked up at him with pleading eyes, "Even if I ask to let me go, don't let go until you're sure and that you feel it's safe enough."
She needed contact to keep her grounded.
She needed and wanted physical contact. She needed to think clearly. She didn't need stupid idea running through her head. She had already done enough damage and didn't trust herself not to do anymore.
Should I tell him what happened? What-how will he react if I do?
"Please?"

[Cass van der Berg]

Cass sighed, and he reached out to pry her hands away from where they were dug into her sides. It was harder to remove them than he had expected – he had to use more force than he had wanted to, they had been so tense.
But it was still better. Relief had been a big part of the sigh that he had let escape there. This was good, even if she was realising that she couldn’t stop herself. At least she wanted to stop.
And she trusted Cass; she must have done, saying things like that. That was good, too.
He brought her hands together and held them within his, without moving too abruptly or making any noise. He kept eye contact with her while he did so, although the rain was blurring his vision through his glasses, trying to do everything he could to keep her trust, to make her feel safe.
When her hands were held safely away from her body, Cass spoke quietly.
“If you want to talk about whatever’s making you do this, we can, Will, but you don’t have to. We can sit here quietly until you feel better, or inside, because of the rain. Whatever will make you feel calmest.”
He thought that she should talk about it eventually, but for now it was most important that she felt more settled. He wouldn’t make her speak about anything, at any rate. And he wouldn’t bring up the cuts right now, although they would need healed soon.
He would let her decide what she wanted to do, provided that it wouldn’t end up hurting her more.

[Will Wright]

Whatever made her feel calmest.
"I think I'd like to sit here but minus the silence part." she answered him. Silence was her worst enemy at the moment. The worst thing imaginable to her. She looked up at the sky, her head tilted back just let the rain splash against her face. It had a nice sensation to it. Like tiny, cold, marble balls hitting your face and then dissolving, almost washing the dirt away. Though the rain probably added to the dirt.
Her mascarra was probably all over her cheeks now from the crying and the rain. Good thing I don't really care about that then. Maybe I should tell Cass what happened..then again I don't really want to be... her chest heaved three times before she managed to stop it and held her breath for about twenty second before breathing normally again.
She couldn't even think about it without wanting to vomit.
She closed her eyes and brought her head back down. She was very happy to have Cass here with her. She wasn't alone. She had somebody to talk to. Somebody who wasn't going to force it out of her and was glad to just stay with her and wait until she was ready to say it. Cass was a true friend.
"A-after the Staff Room, I decided to go down to-to Cardsdale and in the residential area. Just to clear my head and think about what you said to me. It was working to, I was going to go find Jack and tell him until....until something set me off. Something silly. Children playing, they set me off and before I knew it I was in an alley way on the ground and thinking about..thinking about-" no it wasn't going to come. But something was. She got free of Cass's hands and ran over to the wall. She leant over but nothing came. Her stomach heaved but that was it. She was so nauseas. She closed her eyes tightly and swallowed and gripped the edge of the wall tightly, "I started to think about what would happen if he turned me down. It was horrible. And then I heard...Cass I heard my mum. My mum was speaking to me. She told me the same thing you did and say he would accept me, but how would she know that? I don't think she can know that." and then it came and she was sick.
"I'm so confused right now. But I just don't want to talk about it again." she still hadn't gotten to the worse part of the walk she had gone on. The bit that made her feel sick the most. The one were she had felt joy when she had inflicted pain on them. Un-conciously her right hand was rubbing on the hand-shaped bruise on her upper left arm. Why did she feel this way?

[Cass van der Berg]

He didn’t follow her to the edge of the roof immediately.
Instead he stayed exactly where he had been, crouching on the floor, only he turned his head so that he could see her. The rain continued to tumble down, pelting against his face and soaking his hair and clothes, but he didn’t care about that.
Will’s mother was dead.
Cass knew that. He didn’t know how, but the fact sprung up in his head, so he must have heard it somewhere; he was sure he was right. Will’s mother was dead… and Will heard her talking to her.
If he had heard this two or three years ago – well, he wouldn’t know what he would have done, because Cass had been a different person then. He had just been a child a couple of years ago; he hadn’t ever dealt with situations like this.
Well, he hadn’t dealt with situations exactly like this even now, but the sentiment was the same. He’d never dealt with anything bad before, not really. So he wouldn’t know, now, how he would have dealt with Will telling him that he’d heard her dead mother’s voice.
But it wouldn’t have been by feeling the way he did. It was shock, it was grief, and it was… jealousy.
Will’s mother was dead. And Will had heard her mother speak.
Will’s mother was dead, just like his.
This was an ugly emotion. It stung.
He shouldn’t have been thinking about it like this.
He was supposed to be helping Will now. He wasn’t supposed to be feeling sorry for himself; his mother wouldn’t have wanted him to be upset. She’d always hated it when he was upset.
So he quenched the emotion, with a colossal effort that he hadn’t had to use before, and he forced himself back into the situation.
That last part wasn’t so hard, as he realised that Will was throwing up. He walked quickly over to her, avoiding the super-speed to avoid startling her, and he leant on the wall like she was doing.
Right. He needed to think about this rationally – he needed to think about it without empathising, although not without sympathising, because if he empathised then it would only hurt him, and he wouldn’t be any help whatsoever.
He knew that she’d said she didn’t want to talk about it again.
“Your mother…” he said slowly, the words coming out thickly, “She was talking to you about Jack.”
Cass didn’t know what to think about this Jack thing. He mostly knew about Jack in the same way that he knew about the Heads of the non-Carer groups – he heard lots about them, and he respected them a hell of a lot, but he didn’t know them personally. And of course, after the battle, Jack was a hero. The pressure on Jack Trove right now must be incredible – leading the Warriors in the absence of Madeleine was no easy feat, particularly now when morale was at an all-time low for the whole school, but especially for the Warriors.
After the battles Cass was always glad that he was a Carer, because he could help. It stopped him from brooding over the situation, stopped him from getting mired in despair, and it was especially important now that they had lost. Now that Madeleine was gone…
He remembered when Macy Deltine had been captured. He'd never thought it would happen again.
But as for Jack, the point was that Cass didn’t think that Jack Trove was a bad person. Cass didn’t think that Jack Trove would hurt Will on purpose, even if it was getting to the stage where his reputation preceded him. And waiting to tell him was making Will hurt herself, so...
So Cass could really only see one solution, here.
“I know you don’t want to speak about him more, now, Will,” he said. “But… God, I really think you should. Not with me if you don’t want to, but with someone. You can’t bottle it up if it’s making you hurt like this.”

[Will Wright]

"No." Will shook her head, "No, no way. You don't understand. I can't talk about this like it's some other problem. I just - I can't. And I know what you're saying and I know I shouldn't do it but it's one of those things were you know you should do something but can't. Or like keeping a secret and wanting to tell someone about it but you don't because you can't as you know it's wrong."
She slid down to the ground and put her head between her knees. He was right. Of course he was right. She shouldn't be bottling it up inside of her but Will was a private person. She liked to keep the things that were on her mind, in her mind. She didn't like sharing her problems. She pretty much liked to sit back and observe and help if she could.
She was an observer and helper not a sharer.
Will lifted her head and put out her hand and started to concentrate. Smoke started to come of her hand and there was a spark. Nothing else. No fire. Nothing.
What the-
She tried again. This time, nothing happened. There wasn't any smoke or sparks or anything. Her frown deepened and then she sighed. She looked to her left at the far end of the wall and thrust her hands out releasing them from the balls they had been in a second before.
Again nothing happened. There was no explosion.
Her powers were down.
She couldn't use them.
"Crap." she blinked, "Crap." her eyes widened before her face fell into and expression of defeat and misery, "Crap."
She moaned and then kind of collapsed and her body leant against Cass's side. She just couldn't be bothered anymore. As she leaned against him she felt the sharp pain of the wound on her chest and she let out a little gasp. Her eyes, barely open, traveled downwards to look at her once light blue top which had red travelling down it in streams.
"Cass, I'm equalling epic fail mode today. Even my powers are against me never mind me myself." she closed her eyes this time again before putting her hand sout for Cass to hold again. She still didn't trust herself.