Healing [Cass]

[Cass van der Berg]

And after realising she couldn’t use her powers, she collapsed against Cass’s side, and he wanted to kick himself for thinking that he had helped earlier.
He hadn’t helped; he could see that now. Or, well, not completely. She was calmer, and he was glad he’d managed to help her do that, but there was no way that that advice he’d given her earlier had helped in even the slightest way.
It was surprising that he hadn’t figured it out before now. What had he been doing there, after all? What actual progress had he made? He’d thought that he’d been good at advising her – better than he’d expected, anyway – but, when he thought about it, his advice had been useless. Standard Don’t-bottle-it-up, Talk-to-him-about-it, You-shouldn’t-let-this-hurt-you – how the hell was he actually helping her with her problem? It was patronising, it was the Hallmark version of counselling. He had just been mouthing off reams of clichés; how was that going to help anyone? He hadn’t told her how to let her feelings out, how to talk to him, how to stop it from hurting her. He didn’t know, and that was what she needed to know.
He hadn’t known what to say to her to get his point across, to make her understand the situation the way he did. He still didn’t know how to say it.
And she didn’t want to talk about it, anyway. So maybe… Maybe it would help her to help in some other way. After all, the situation here wasn’t exactly conducive to optimism – it was raining, they were both soaked, and she had wounds that must have been causing her a fair bit of pain. Maybe if he got her inside and got her warm and dry and healed then she would be more likely to see this in a better light.
So he put his hand on her shoulder as she leant against him, and he said, “We should go inside, get someone to see to those cuts.”
He looked at the scratches again, and was freshly worried. He’d been distracted, because she’d been facing away from him for a bit, and he’d been thinking about stopping her from worsening the wounds, but now he could see that the wounds were worse than he’d remembered. He’d seen scratches, he’d thought superficial, but it was worse than he’d assumed. They were bleeding quite freely, and even if the blood loss wasn’t a problem, she was going to get some sort of infection if she didn’t get them seen to soon. The dirty rainwater couldn’t have been helping in that respect.
He’d been trying to calm her down, but he should have been thinking about that too. Of course she wasn’t going to feel any better while she was losing blood.
He hadn’t been caring for nearly a year. Maybe this was what it was like to be rusty.
“That should help your powers. And it might make you feel better too.”

[Will Wright]

"No."
No way was she going to go inside looking like some crazy person..even if that's what she was. It would not help if people saw her looking like this and then word got out. Even if she could turn it into a lie..she didn't want to.
"I can't. I don't want the whole school seeing me." her tone raised slightly, "Please Cass, don't."
She stared at him with pleading eyes. The rain was harder than before and it pelted against her and the cuts making them sting like a thousand wasps were being hurled at her but it was better than having a horrible rumour spread about. Better than having Jack hear.
How would he look at her if that happened?
She shivered and turned her head into Cass's shoulder. She didn't even want to think about that. It was bad enough he only saw her as a friend. Cass was right though. If she got healed her powers probably would come out of epic fail mode. She doubted it'd make her feel any happier though.
"Please don't. I'm not going through the corridors looking like...looking like this, I can't."

[Cass van der Berg]

…alright.
Alright, that was fair enough, Cass supposed. Although many people were pretty messed up because of the battle now, it was reasonable that Will didn’t want people to see her like this. After all, she was a Head, and people were depending on her right now, and although Cass thought it was understandable that she felt like this with the amount of pressure on her right now, he didn’t know if other people would see it that way.
But she still needed to be healed – that couldn’t be avoided, she still needed –
Okay. Okay, he could work with that, though.
“Alright,” he said slowly. “Alright… you still need to be healed, though. But you don’t need to go inside, I can… I can call my friend, if you want? He could come up and sort you out, and then we can get you back inside, and no one needs to see.”
She didn’t say anything, just nodded. It was only a slight nod, almost imperceptible, but that was all the prompting that Cass needed to take his phone out of his pocket and start dialling.
“Cardo?”
The voice on the other line was more irritated than it had been before. “Go away.”
“Cardo, I have to ask you to –”
“You can call me back in nine minutes, your break’s not over yet.”
“No, no, listen, shut up. Can you come up to the roof now?”
“…What?”
“You said things aren’t busy down there– can you come up to the roof? I need your help with something.”
“You mean you have a problem?”
“Yeah.”
Silence for a moment.
“You mean a problem like an actual problem or a problem like an ‘I’m going to lure you out of the hospital by saying that I have a problem so that I can sneak back in there while you’re being a pillock on the roof’ problem?” he asked sceptically.
“An actual problem, Cardo, I need you to do some healing. And could you bring a coat or something with you?”
“Why do you have healing on the roof?” he asked, and he now sounded concerned. About time.
“Look, you’ll see when you get here, all right, just come on. Now.”
“Alright, alright, I’ll be there in a minute,” he said efficiently, clearly springing right back into Carer mode. As Cass had hoped he would do sooner – was it really so difficult to take him seriously? Really? For goodness’ sake, he had just resuscitated a guy earlier that day, surely that should give him some shred of credibility.
Cass hung up, and turned back to Will. “He’ll be up in a minute. I… He’ll heal you without asking any questions if he needs to, I know he will, but… Well, I mean, how much of this do you want him to know? It’s Ricardo Escamilla, he’s in my year.”
Hopefully she knew who Cass was talking about.

[Will Wright]

"He’ll be up in a minute. I… He’ll heal you without asking any questions if he needs to, I know he will, but… Well, I mean, how much of this do you want him to know? It’s Ricardo Escamilla, he’s in my year.” he spoke softly to her.
She had kind of listened to the phone conversation. She was kind of out of it by now. How much did she want him to know? Will didn't know. The name sounded familiar but she couldn't place a face to it. She could barely place her face to her own name.
"I-" there was nothing she could answer with, she was too confused to come up with an answer, "Cass.." what was she going to say? she had it on the tip of her tongue, "Everything. I'll tell you what happened....down in the residential area," and then she coughed. Not a normal one but a barking one.
Her throat was beginning to feel raw and she was starting to feel the scratch wounds now as the rain pelted against them. They hurt. A lot. But if she talked to them about it, she was bound to feel better. Right? Properly better. For the first time in her life, she began to feel the cold. Not the nervous, shivery cold you got. The temperature. She was beginning to feel her body lose the heat. She didn't like it. She needed warmth. She needed feeling.
There was a soft click a shuffling of feet and another soft click. Cass's friend was here...Ricardo. Will kept her forehead on Cass' shoulder. The only movement she made was cringin slightly closer to him. A small shiver ran throughout her, barely noticable.
What is he thinking? What if he thinks I'm going insane..he'd be right if he did but... Will kept going through questions in her head. She made no movement. She wasn't going to greet him. It may seem rude but Will was not in the mood.
Will wasn't there.
Somebody had replaced her. Taken her out and put another soul in her place. One that did not belong and never would. Maybe it would be better if she did at least look at him..at least.
Slowly she turned her head towards where the boy..well man, was. He seemed so tall. Most people were taller than her and it usually would would go unnoticed by her. But not today..well this evening. But she tried. She looked up and gave the smallest of smiles at him before looking down at the ground and tunring intowards Cass again.
You are acting so childish..you're an idiot. Can't you at least face your problem like an adult?! Will's hands flinched and she surled them up into tight fists, her nails avoiding to pierce the flesh again. Her fingers kept moving even though they were curled inwards. She was beginning to get restless again.
"Cass..take my hands. Please." she pleaded in a very shaky voice again as she started to violently shudder to stop herself from causing anymore damage than she already had, "Hurry, please."

[Cass van der Berg]

Cardo looked over at Cass, who shrugged minutely, an expression of extreme concern passing over his face. Then he turned to Will, and he took her hand from where it had been resting on her shoulder, and he said, “Okay, hold on, here…” as he pulled her clenched fists inside his hands.
Cardo didn’t know what he’d been expecting when he’d been told to come up here, but it hadn’t been this. This was completely unlike what he’d seen before; it was a far cry from the sleepy fear that was seeping through the hospital, the insomnia of the relatives of the sicker patients and the Carers diffusing into the environment around them and causing everything to seem just that much duller, that much less real. Up here on the roof, however, reality screamed around them, making everything seem that much more intense, that much more impossible.
Cardo didn’t know Will very well. He knew her as his Head, but that was about the extent of it; they hadn’t interacted much aside from that. And he didn’t know if she and Cass were friends, if that was why she was up here with him – but then, it could have been anything. And she was the only person here, it was only fair to assume that she was the one who needed healing – but… but it was Will. It was Will who was leading them right now, she couldn’t… This couldn’t be…
No. He wouldn’t question it. There was nothing to be gained by questioning it; what he needed to do was address the situation.
Will and Cass were both soaked. His hair seemed darker now, almost brown, and it clung to his head in wet little curls. Will’s clothes were sodden, clinging to her. She must have been freezing.
After Cass had taken her hands Cardo walked forward and placed the coat that he had brought up from the hospital, a trench coat which had been lying in the staff room for years now, and wrapped it around her shoulders. It wouldn’t do much good now, as wet as she already was – it would only stop her from getting wetter. She would need to get inside soon.
“What healing is it you want me to do?” he asked, his tone not betraying the surprise that he had felt at seeing this situation. He was using his clinical voice right now; a voice which remained efficient while still retaining enough concern to show that he was taking the situation seriously. Of course he was actually taking the situation seriously, but it was no good him just knowing that, she needed to hear it too.
“Will… Will has some scratches on her chest,” said Cass, looking over at Cardo through rain-streamed glasses. “They’re quite deep, and she’s losing blood – can you…?”
“Alright,” he said, not letting that word faze him. Scratches. He didn’t know how she’d managed to get scratches on her chest, but it… it couldn’t be good.
And it couldn’t be useful to know right now; if she was losing blood then the cause of the scratches could wait. “Will, listen to me, okay? I can heal your cuts, but I need to be able to see what I’m doing – Cass will need to let go of at least one of your hands for a few seconds.”

[Will Wright]

Will had tuned out.
She wasn't listening to what they were saying, until the last thing that was said reached her ears. Cass had to let go of at least one of her hands. At least. Not something Will was inclined to do....at all. She had very little self control.
I can do this. I can. I can do this. I can. but as she thought her fists just clenched even tighter. Her nails dug into her skin but didn't pierce it.
"Right, I can do this. Ich kann dies tun. Ich habe Self-control. Richtig? Richtig? Richtig. Ich kann dies tun." she looked at Cass and gave a slight nod again and he opened his hands to let her remove one of hers. She sat there looking at them and gulped.
This isn't like me. I can do this. Get a hold of yourself Will. You can do this. You think Jack would want to go out with a pathetic loser like the one you are now? Do you?!
Will flinched slightly and turned her head to rest on Cass's shoulder again. And slowly but surely she removed her left hand. It was shaking a lot but she had done it. She quickly slammed it down on the ground beside her and started to scratch the ground to prevent her from scratching herself.
Had the wounds hurt this bad before. She looked down and gave a smal squeak before turning back to Cass's shoulder. She had never imagined blood to terrify her..much less her own blood.
"Cass..Cardo..thank you." she thanked them quietly.

[Cass van der Berg]

Cass was glad that Cardo was here, but with the arrival of someone better equipped to handle this situation than he was, the panic which Cass had suppressed earlier was beginning to bubble up and catch at his throat again.
Cass knew that he could hold himself together for some time; he could use adrenaline to keep him going in a situation like this for as long as he needed to, he supposed. But he never felt like he was doing the right thing, he never had any confidence in what he was doing, and he could only act like he did for so long. Cardo, on the other hand, knew what he was doing. Cardo would be able to sort this out.
But the thing was that the fact that Cardo would be able to sort this out wasn’t making Cass feel calmer. If anything it was making Cass worry more, because there was nothing else for Cass to be doing now – all he could do was continue to hold Will’s hand, and to place his other hand on her closest shoulder. And that left his mind pretty free to worry about Will without having to think or strategise for what he had to do next, and he did so even though she was getting proper help now.
Right now, what was bothering him most was Will’s left hand scratching the ground. He’d thought that his holding her hands again was a precaution, not a necessity – and yet now her hand was scratching the stone of the ground feverishly, no doubt damaging the tips of her fingers badly.
“Cardo –” he started, but he found he couldn’t go on.
Cardo’s eyes flickered from the scratching on the ground to the scratches on Will’s chest, and Cass was certain that the facts were adding up for him – that he was realising exactly what had caused the wounds. He knelt down beside Will and took the hand in his, lifting it firmly from the ground, so that Cass held Will’s right hand from her right side and Cardo held the left from her left, and the wounds were accessible. “Don’t thank us,” Cardo said, both gentle and firm. “You really don’t need to. Now, listen, darling, I’m just going to hold your hand for a bit so you don’t hurt your fingers, and then when I’m done healing you, Cass can take it back. I just need it this way so I can see the wound properly, alright?”
He was much better at this than Cass was, but then, Cass had known that he would be already.
“Now, I’m going to set my other hand on the cuts for a second,” Cardo said, beginning the task of explaining what he would do step-by-step, looking her directly in the eye and speaking patiently. “I’m sorry to do that, but I need to be near them for my power to work. It might sting a little, but only for a short while. And then we’ll have you healed up nicely, and you’ll be set, okay?”
And Cardo moved forward, set his hand at the base of Will’s throat. Immediately the flow of blood at the cuts nearest his hand began to lessen, and the lesser flow radiated along all of the scratches from the ones closest to his skin to the ones furthest away. After a while the cuts nearest to Cardo had stopped bleeding entirely, and soon after that all of the cuts had stopped bleeding. The blood shone just beneath the surface of the skin, but it no longer leaked from the lacerations: it stayed within her body. A few more moments passed, and the blood visible just within the breaks of her skin began to darken in colour, and its liquid shine decreased. It kept becoming duller and darker, duller and darker, until the blood had clotted entirely, and Will had been healed.
It never looked like the wounds had healed naturally when Cardo did this. When cuts healed naturally the clots were clumpy, tiny burgundy-black mountain ranges along the surface of the skin, but Cardo’s clots were completely flat and smooth, feeling more like river-worn pebbles than wounds. And the cuts which Cardo caused to clot were generally a lot bigger than the sort of wounds which healed naturally – once Cardo had managed to clot a wound that had stretched from a person’s navel around to their left underarm, and the resulting flat clot had been so neat and large that it had looked almost like a wide black ribbon rippling flatly against the blood-flecked skin.
“There we go,” Cardo said calmly, pulling his hand back. “That will get you down to the hospital, and then I can get someone who has the power of healing to fix them for you so you don’t scar, or you can do it yourself when you’re feeling stronger. Now, do you want Cass to take your hand again?”

[Will Wright]

Will had closed her eyes. She had blcoked most of what was happening, out. But that hadn't exactly been the best of ideas. The boys were back and this time she hadn't stopped them.
Scratch, scratch, scratch. Her nails went back and forth.
They shoved her onto the muddy grass and advanced.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
They punched and kicked her, strated pulling her hair.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Pain, soo much pain. Laughing. Horrible vile laughing. They were enjoying putting her in pain. Enjoy making her want to be sick at it all. Enjoyed having complete control over her. It made her sick that they felt that way.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Another blow. She was going to die. She was going to die a horrible death and alone. She couldn't stop them. They had surrounded her. Surrounded her and made sure she was down.
Scratch, scratch, scr-
Her ears strained to hear something. They found Cass' voice. And suddenly her steady scratching stopped. Her left hand was being held. Not by Cass..she opened her left eye and looked to see Cardo holding her left hand in his, firmly. She had more contact. For some reason her body was starting to relax. It was't shaking as violently. But she still couldn't tear her head away from Cass's shoulder as Cardo started to heal her. And he was right. It did sting. Not likes a wasp sting though. It was like a tingly sting.
A tingly sting which brought a premonition forward. Her body froze and her head seared with a white hot pain and then the premonition began. And it stopped.
Came and went in the blink of an eye. Her body was still frozen in place, her face still screwed up in pain. Her head ringing. If the rain hadn't be blasting down, she proabably would've felt the blood flow stop. But as it was raining, she didn't. But what she did feel was the warm, calming sensation that was passing from the base of her neck over the scratches. She closed her eyes and tried to relax even further..relax so much that it felt like she nearly could fall asleep on the spot were they held her.
And then it was over. Just like that.
“There we go,” Cardo said calmly, pulling his hand back. “That will get you down to the hospital, and then I can get someone who has the power of healing to fix them for you so you don’t scar, or you can do it yourself when you’re feeling stronger. Now, do you want Cass to take your hand again?”
She finally tore her head away from his houlder and looked at Cardo before twisting her head around to look at Cass and then looked out over the opposite wall. She didn't care. She knew she needed to go inside. That much was obvious. She needed to force herself to stand up and walk inside.
"I-" yet again, she had no idea how to answer him. Usually Will had a lot of answers for everything. But her head was so mucked up and scrambled that she had no idea how to answer. She needed to answer though. She was being stupid, "I think...that maybe...we should go get into something..less sodden and in my case; bloodstained." she finally spoke. Not what she actually was thinking but it was a good start.
She shuffled and moved up onto her knees.
Ok, aow. her side kind of hurt from the way she had been sitting. She looked at them both again. How could she get up..she needed her hands free but she wasn't prepared for that. She wasn't trusting herself with her own hands. She knew the simplest thing could set her off again. They'd be there, sure but...it wasn't fair on them.
"I do need to thank you. Don't say I don't, please. I need to thank you. I've been..stupid more or less. And slightly..ok, slightly is an understatement but I have been crazed lately. Here's the thing, I don't want anybody to know about this. So please don't tell anyone. It's bad enough people are going to see me like this when-"she gulped and shook her head, "when we go back..inside."
She frowned at that thought. Inside.
The one place which usually made her feel safe, didn't anymore. The idea of going inside, quite frankly, scared Will. She was a Head and the Heads were supposed to lead their groups. Supposed to stay strong for everyone. To keep up the morale and try their best to keep everyone's hopes up.
Question: how were you supposed to that when you were demoralized and hopeless and weak yourself?
You couldn't.
Will had found that out this afternoon. Everyone looked up to her. To follow her lead and the example she set. This is an example of what not to do. If everyone sees me like this..it will show them there isn't any hope.
"Either of you have any invisibility by any chance?"

[Cass van der Berg]

So it was probably stupid to feel relieved now. It was probably too soon. She’d had the cuts healed, but by no means were they out of the wounds yet: they still needed her to get into the school, and aside from that there was always the possibility of a relapse.
But she seemed a bit better now. She did; she seemed calmer than she had been at any point before. And she was apologising for how she’d been acting –
She didn’t need to, though. She really didn’t need to. It was hardly her fault, and Cass was glad that he had been there. After all, if she hadn’t found someone… He didn’t think that he was the best person that she could have found, not by a long shot, but at least she’d found someone.
And at least that someone had been able to call on a significantly more competent friend to help out. That part was always useful.
“No invisibility, I’m afraid,” Cardo said, his tone lighter than it had been before. “But that’s what this is for.” He gestured at the trench coat which he had draped around Will’s shoulder. “It’s not quite an invisibility cloak, I know, but – well, there’s method in my madness. If you put it on properly, button it up at the front and put your hands in the pockets, then no one will be able to see the cuts or any blood, so we can get you back inside and everyone else will just see that you’re wet. We can say that you got caught outside in this storm. And Cass, don’t look at me like that, it not a lie. It’s not… the full truth, per se, but it’s true.”
Cass’s eyebrows shot up, and his face grew surprised as he said, “What? I’m not looking at you like anything; just thought it was a good idea, is all.”
Cardo didn’t seem quite convinced, but he turned back to Will anyway, and he said, “Okay, so that gets you inside, and as for the other thing: we won’t tell anyone about this, don’t worry.”
“Yeah, there’s no way we would, Will,” added Cass.
“It’s hardly our place to decide if other people should know about it. No one hears a word of anything that’s been going on here from us, I promise.”
“We promise,” said Cass, starting to feel uncomfortably like Polly the Parrot in the way that he was echoing Cardo’s words. He was glad that Cardo had taken charge of the situation, but… really, was there nothing that Cass himself could add?
He needed to say something. He didn’t know what. He could apologise for not helping earlier – but then, really, what would that gain? He’d tried his best, he knew he had. He couldn’t have done any better than that, so if he apologised – well, for one, he’d be saying his best wasn’t good enough, which it obviously wasn’t, but who needed to acknowledge that aloud, really? And for another, it would sound to the others that he was apologising because he hadn’t done everything he could, and he had. He really had.
So apologising was out. All things considered, what he should do would be to tell her that he was glad she was healed. But then, what did that sound like? I’m glad you’re healed, because Christ knows, I had no idea what I was doing back there. He only meant that he was glad that she was safe now, he was glad that she wasn’t in pain anymore: it was all being glad for her sake, not his, but how the bloody hell did he express that properly?
This was what Cass got for not being good with the word thing. He’d got better, of course – when he was fourteen he’d been barely capable of stringing together a complete sentence – but, in truth, he’d only got better at babbling. Small-talk and chit-chat, oh, they were fine now, but when he was trying to say something even halfway meaningful? He only wanted something to tell Will that she could trust him and Cardo not to tell anyone, and that they wouldn’t let anyone see the wounds, and that he was so, so glad that her wounds were healed because he didn’t want her to get any more hurt than she already was. And in his head, he knew that was what he wanted to say, but the words that would form that – the magic words that would explain that perfectly so that everyone listening would understand it instantly the way that Cass did…
He was sure they existed. Just not so much in his mind, maybe.
Maybe now wasn’t the right time to say it anyway. Getting healed seemed to have had a calming effect on Will – and surely that was something that Cass should have thought of before, that she wouldn’t be able to feel calmer until she wasn’t losing huge amounts of blood? Again, proof from the universe that Cass really wasn’t meant to continue in the medical professions – but he shouldn’t assume that he couldn’t upset her if he didn’t manage to say it properly. He would probably be best to wait until they got inside, until she was warm and dry and fully safe, and then he’d give it a shot.
So after all that fuss and deliberation, Cass gave up and settled for something rather more mundane to say.
“So, here, if you just get the coat on, then we can head down to the hospital, ‘kay? And we can – we can go into one of the side-rooms, or something, for a bit.”
“And then hot chocolate all round, I think,” Cardo said, glancing up briefly at the falling rain. “It’ll stave off our getting pneumonia, anyway, from the ruddy monsoon weather we’re having today.”
And at that a smile came onto Cass’s face, albeit a small one. “Yeah, definitely. I’ll just – Will, you’re going to need your hands free, to get up, and to get the coat on – are you ready for us to let go, or do you want to wait a minute?”

[Will Wright]

If Will didn't think it weird, she would have hugged the both of them. They were being so..thoughtful. And as they spoke she felt like crying. But the thankful kind of tears. She was thankful for them both.
And that feeling just grew and grew as they spoke and she felt like laughing with what Cardo had said about the invisibility cloak. A geunine laugh but she didn't.
She took a deep breath and steadied herself after Cass's question. She had to have her hands free. Her hands were what she used everyday, for good or bad. She needed them to take care of other people and herself. They healed the damage as well as causing it. Her hands were used for good. She knew that. Somewhere deep down she knew her hands were there for many purposes.
She looked dead ahead of her and blinked, "No, I-I'm ready. You can let..go," she trailed of a bit towards the end. As a matter of fact, she was nowhere near ready for them to let go. She wanted them to keep holding her hands and not let go until they thought she was ready for them to let go. Until they thought it would be safe enough for them to let go. But she wasn't a child. She needed to make up her own decisions. She was a leader. She led people for good or for worse. She made the decisions for them, what she thought was best for them.
Maybe that was her problem. She was making the decisions for other people. Leading them along by the hand where she had nobody to do that for her. She had grown used to leading people. To making decisions for them. She was a mature independable woman...yet she didn't want to make her own decisions.
"I can do this." she nodded as she said it, "I can do this. I'm ready."
She was scared to make her own decisions. Look at where they had gotten her today. Look at what her decisions had done to her. Could she really trust herself to make more decisions. Couldn't someone else make the decisions for her for once? Couldn't they tell her what she was going to do even if she didn't like them? Couldn't someone act as the parent for her? Or the parents?
Did she have to be her own parent all of the time?
Of course that's what being an adult was all about, wasn't it?
Making your own decisions whether they be wrong or right.
Being your own parent and maybe being a parent to your own child assuming you had one.
Adulthood: alone.

[Cass van der Berg]

“I’m ready.”
Cardo wasn’t sure if she was, though.
Okay, so it was true: he hadn’t been here for as long as Cass had. Fair enough, Cardo couldn’t argue that. And considering that – really, it should have been assumed that Cass knew better what he was dealing with, and if Cass thought that it was safe now (as he seemed to) then that should really have counted for a lot.
But Cardo had a minor issue in assuming that Cass was right just now: this issue namely being that he knew Cass. Therefore, he also knew that it took ridiculously little to make Cass optimistic about something – and so the dopey smile that currently graced Cass’s face didn’t necessarily mean that this was a significant enough improvement, or what Cardo would call a significant enough improvement, anyway. Cardo couldn’t use Cass’s relief to accurately gauge the situation.
And also, even if she did feel ready now… If she felt better, that was fantastic, obviously, but – that didn’t mean it was over. For a start the wounds that Cardo’s healing had left would need to be gone over by some other proper healer, because those scabs – he knew they would hold. He was competent enough (he liked to think) to know that. But still: just to be on the safe side, he’d like to see them gone over by someone else. And aside from that…
Okay, so Cardo didn’t know what had caused her to make the wounds. And he wasn’t going to ask; he’d find out if he found out, it wasn’t his business, and they’d tell him if he needed to know – standard patient confidentiality, the way he saw it. He didn’t have some sort of miracle right to know whatever was happening just because it was a Head that it had happened to.
But… There must have been something that caused this; and there was no way that this rooftop incident could have fixed it. Yeah, he knew that there was catharsis and things like that, and maybe it had helped slightly in that respect, but catharsis was only a release of emotions. If what had caused the underlying emotions that had caused her to do this was still there, then logically it was only sensible to assume that this could happen again if what was causing the emotions wasn’t addressed, so… well. Addressing the underlying problem seemed like a fairly good idea, all things considered.
Though of course, Cardo couldn’t tell her that; he didn’t even know what problem he was talking about. Hopefully Cass would have the wit to say something. And if he didn’t… well, in that case, maybe Cardo would try saying something to Will when they got in. The way it stood now, though, Cardo knew that the first priority was to get her inside at all.
“Okay,” Cass was saying now, looking over at Cardo again as if seeking reassurance. And Cardo wished he wouldn’t keep doing that; it was a constant source of worry for him. If Cass needed reassurance, then that meant Cardo was in charge here, and Cardo didn’t really want to have all the responsibility. Cass could take his own share as well; he’d been doing this just as long as Cardo had. “Alright, so – Cards, we’ll let go on three?”
Cardo nodded. “Three is good. You count.”
“Okay,” Cass said again. “Okay, three… two… one… Now.”
And Cardo let go of the cold hand which he had been holding in his at the exact same time that Cass let go of Will’s other hand. And there was a momentary silence, charged with worry and anticipation.
And then Cass’s smile grew wider, and he said, “Alright – alright.” Relief surged through his words. “Alright, that’s – you’re still okay, Will?”
“Here,” said Cardo, and he moved behind Will to lift the trench coat slightly off her shoulders, so that she would be able to find the sleeves more easily to put her arms through. “Just slip that on; then we’ll be able to get inside and warm up.”

[Will Wright]

Define okay.
The count down had calmed her some and it had seemed like forever before they had actually removed their hand's from her's. Then they did. And that left Will feeling panicky and jumpy and she all but forced her hands not to clench and her fingers to keep straight and not curl.
"...You're still okay, Will?" Cass asked but as she was about to answer Cardo had moved and was holding the coat for her to put on properly...to go inside.
Inside.
Scary prospect.
Will felt like shaking her head from side to side so violently that her neck would break but her body had turned to stone. As soon as the hands that had been her restraints had vanished she had turned to stone. A human statue.
She craved human touch again. To keep her grounded. Saying that, she also wished that she were alone with nobody to see her like this. The question was: which did she wish for more?
Get a grip of yourself, Will. Just put your arms through the darn arm thingies and then you can all go inside and get dry and warmed up. she shouted at herself.
Slowly she lifted her left arm and pushed it through the left sleeve and then equally slowly she did the same with the other arm and sleeve. On the way through the sleeves her fingers had curled itchingly to scratch and dig into her hands but she had stopped them just in time. When they came out the other end, Will held up her left hand and looked at her finger-tips. The skin was slightly peeled from scratching the ground.
"I-"
Had nothing to say.
So instead she put both hands on the ground where they started to dig in and roll back across it and she went forward onto her knees, then slowly and painfully she stood up. Pins and needles started to go from her feet the whole way up her legs to her hips as the blood rushed through them. It was one of the worst sensations Will thought anyone would experience.
"I guess," she spoke slowly staring at the door behind which was a stairwell leading back to the school not far from the Hospital Wing, "I guess we should go inside now...inside...yes," and she took two steps forward before stopping altogether and just staring at the door. She needed them to push or drag her in if she was to go inside at all, "Or on second thoughts, I really don't mind staying out here. A bit of rain never hurt anyone." she turned to face them with a smile on her face, albeit, a hopeful but disparing one.

[Cass van der Berg]

“A bit of rain never hurt anyone.”
She was clearly scared.
And Cass could understand that. No one wanted anybody to see them when they felt as bad as Will must right now – and when you had to add in the fact that Will was watched enough as a Head as it was, and that this was the time when her group was being watched by the entire school… It made sense that she was making excuses to stop people from seeing her. It made sense that she was frightened.
But he and Cardo couldn’t exactly make allowances for her fear right now, could they? It wouldn’t be safe.
“Will, no,” Cass started.
“Rain is fine, you’re right,” Cardo continued. “But you’re soaked to the skin, Will, you’ll catch your death if you stay out here any longer.”
“And you’ve lost blood.”
“Yeah, you’ve lost blood – you’re going to need treatment for that, or healing,” said Cardo. “And… Will, you can’t stay out here forever, you know that. It’s better to get it over with.”
“Like ripping off a plaster,” Cass finished. “We could try and make it easier for you, if you want. One of us could stay with you and the other could go ahead to try and clear the corridor, or something.”
“That’s a good idea,” said Cardo. “Cass can walk along with you, and I’ll go clear the way ahead of you guys, and then we’ll get you into one of the side rooms and you won’t need to go out again until you feel you want to, yeah? We just need to get you down there first, because you’ll get sick if you stay out here, Will, and that’ll just make things worse.”
“Do you want to do it that way?” asked Cass. “Or would some other way be better? We’ll do whatever you want, so long as it keeps you safe.”

[Will Wright]

Standing there listening to them think for her. Thinking of how to get her into the School again and not being seen by others. She was too grateful to answer back instantly. Her group did look up to her. They did like her...otherwise they wouldn't be here, helping her. They would have just left her there to bleed and get rained on, or point and laugh at her. The corners of her eyes started to heat up and she knew she was crying although you couldn't tell. Her lips, although she still felt as if she was frowning, were turned up they gave the tiniest hint of a smile. They cared for her. And if she didn't think it inappropriate and if she wasn't freezing to the point where it felt like she was in the arctic, she would have run over and hugged them both.
So instead, she did what she knew she could do.
"Thank you." she nodded in thanks and slowly sank back down to her knees, curling up trying to keep whatever heat she had left, inside, "That would be ever so h-helpfffful ifff you c-could do so please?"
Even though the coat was keeping most of the rain of her already sodden clothes and body, it was still too big and there was a large space at the neck of it where it was getting through. She closed her eyes and tried to to think she was warm hoping that would bring a calming effect over her body and muscles.
I'm warm, you are very, very warm. You are extremely hot. You are not cold. You are the hottest you have ever been in your life. You're so hot that you're literally on fire.
It wasn't working very well but it did help. Her body convulsed and shook uncontrollably. How long had she been outside for? Four hours? Five hours? When had the rain started to fall? An hour or two ago?
She didn't know.
She could look at her watch if her hand weren't hold onto her arms tightly trying to stop herself from shaking. And now, as she felt cold for the first time in a long time, her fear of people seeing her didn't matter. She just wanted to get inside, to the warmth of a hot shower or crawl into a bed and sleep. Just something that would warm her up and fast.
She heard shuffling and the door behind her which lead to the castle opened. She wondered if someone had come up..Please don't let that be the case. Then she heard more shuffling but she suddenly she didn't care anymore.
You are warm. You are as hot as a volcano, as the sun. You are the hottest thing int he universe. You are past the suns temperature. You are not cold at all. You are.... and she kept on thinking this and nothing but this.

[Cass van der Berg]

Relief, again.
They were getting somewhere. Cass could see that. A pattern was now emerging, becoming visible to him in a way that made him feel much more self-assured –two steps forward, and one step back.
She wanted to be better. That much was obvious. And whatever had made her hurt herself was what was holding back the progress that she obviously wanted to make… That was why she had done it in the first place, Cass supposed. She was making progress with help, and she hadn’t had help when she had started hurting herself, obviously, so maybe so long as she had someone to be there with her –
Maybe this didn’t need to happen again. He really, really hoped that this wouldn’t happen again, anyway, because it was… It was sad, seeing Will like this. Before today Cass hadn’t really known Will all that well, he supposed, compared to now, but from what he’d seen he had always thought of her as being a happy person. And seeing her in a situation like this, hurting herself and crying and cold and terrified – it was sad, and it felt so wrong. It felt wrong that anyone could be so unhappy.
Of course, Cass knew that it wasn’t wrong; he knew it was normal, but the fact that it was normal felt like the worst thing in the world. But he’d known that people got like this for years. He’d seen his mum – not like this, but he’d seen her –
He’d seen things that he shouldn’t have seen. He shouldn’t have seen them, because he hadn’t known how to help – he wouldn’t have even known how to help now, if he’d had the same sparse information that he had been given as a child. And the fact that he couldn’t help, couldn’t make it better, that fact still haunted him – that fact stayed with him and served as a haunting undercurrent which tainted every memory he had of his mother between the ages of nine and seventeen. And it would have been haunting enough otherwise.
… but he didn’t need to think about that now.
Now, he could help Will, and so he would. And he was helping. He thought. He wasn’t fixing, because Cass wasn’t really a fixer, but if Will wanted to make this better then Cass could help her do that.
He thought.
“Alright, here we go,” he said, and he linked his arm through hers, crouching down slightly to compensate for their height difference. And while he did so, Cardo drew back.
“Okay,” Cardo said, when Cass had stopped moving. “Right, I’m going to go on now, but – right. I’ll be… say, maximum, ten metres ahead of you. So if you need anything, or if the… If you need anything, just call me back, will you?”
“Alright,” said Cass, nodding, and then added, to reassure Will, “But we’ll be okay.”
“I know,” Cardo replied, not sounding remarkably sure of his words. He probably wasn’t remarkably sure of Cass. “I do know that, I’m just being paranoid. But – ten metres. Remember that.”
“Yup.”
“Okay,” he repeated. “Okay – I’ll… see you guys down the hospital.”
And after a brief hesitation – Cardo had never been one to leave a patient willingly; Cass had a feeling that he would have much rather had Cass go on ahead and stay with Will himself, and would have done if Cass hadn’t known more about the situation – he turned and strode purposefully back to the door, and into the yellow-lit hall that lay behind. The door thudded quietly behind him.
Silence, punctuated by the pattering of rain on the ground, and a distant shriek of wind. It was getting dark, now, nightfall heralded by the long barely visible shadows sketching over the ground, and by the dim light that strained Cass’s eyes even further than his rain-streaked glasses already had.
And Cass looked down at Will, noting her chattering teeth, her rain-tangled hair and her pale skin –and immediately thoughts of hypothermia, pneumonia, hypovolemia tumbled and thumped through his mind, and he felt panic again as he realised how much she needed to be warmed up –
One step at a time. He shouldn’t rush her, couldn’t force her. One step at a time.
“You ready?” he asked.
He probably shouldn’t have asked her again. That was probably irresponsible. Surely by this stage it was the time when his Carer priorities should have been driving every action, when he should have been focusing on doing whatever it took to get her back indoors and then continuing the counseling aspect of what he was doing when the danger was removed –
But he couldn’t get rid of it, this nagging feeling that it wouldn’t help anything to rush her. He didn’t know; he was probably being stupid – but he couldn’t let go of the idea: she needed to do this on her own terms.