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Post by misa on Apr 20, 2008 11:04:01 GMT
You can do this, you can totally do this, Misa silently psyched herself up. She was by the equipment cupboard, procrastinating as much as possible and more putting her sword away as though it were the Shroud of Turino. Finally she closed the door to the cupboard - it snapped shut with a condemning clang that made Misa step back in surprise; she'd been a million miles away.
She had been for the entire practice.
No offence to Madeleine, but she didn't see them as lessons anymore, that had stopped after the first. It wasn't that Madeleine was a poor instructor, Misa simply wasn't being told anything she hadn't already known.
Not that that had anything to do with her incapability to maintain concentration. She hadn't really been focused since her 'chat' with Ken'ichi. Since then she'd been trying to comprehend even a fraction of the possible outcomes that could occur depending on her actions.
What if it was all a trap? What if she was walking Madeleine to her death?
Misa wasn't particularly fussed about what was going to happen to her.
But with Madeleine in the equation...She was the Head of the Warriors; she could take care of herself, right?
She could...
And what if it was all in her head? What if she was going, had already gone, mad? She didn't feel stable anymore, like she was slipping...what if she'd already fallen and hadn't even realised? Maybe these dreams were proof that her mind wasn't her own? And the fits...proof that her body wasn't her own either?
It was all so confusing. Too confusing. But do as Ken'ichi had said and maybe it would all be over. Things could start to make sense again. It was the only hope she had left and as little as she wanted to admit it, Misa was clinging to it with both hands.
Which was why she now tried to make the muscles in her face recreate the brightest smile she remembered. She checked it in one of the windows as she passed to ensure it didn't look as clownish as it felt and saw that it looked a little eerie with the atrocious bags under her eyes and the pallor of her complexion. Toning it down ever so slightly Misa wandered purposefully across to Madeleine's desk.
"Madeleine," Misa measured her voice to ensure it was an energised whisper. She just wished there was something she could do about her eyes. They refused to budge from the tar like black colour they'd been for days now. It was too late to worry about that now, though. "I was wondering if you'd like to maybe go for a walk?" Too late now.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Apr 22, 2008 17:57:13 GMT
"You're not doing that right."
"What? The hell I'm not!"
"You'll hurt yourself if you do it that way, look-"
"Oh, go screw, I'm doing it fine."
Madeleine stepped back, rolling her eyes. "Your funeral."
"Yes, it is," Russ said staunchly. "Now, if you'd kindly f-"
"Language," she admonished, guessing correctly the words that were about to follow.
"I hadn't finished it yet."
"You didn't need to."
Russ just rolled his eyes and gestured with his dark head that Madeleine needed to get out of his way. Grudgingly, she stepped away, darkly thinking that it should be her who was calling the shots here. As she moved, Russ pulled back his right arm, the fingers of his left hand moulding the light wood to their shape as though it were Playdough, before releasing the arrow. It flew straight from the bow, its streamlined body sailing rapidly through the air, before hitting the inner circle, almost a perfect bullseye.
He lowered the bow, frowning - although it was a much closer shot than the majority of the others had had. "Balls."
"No, you're doing fine."
"Don't patronize me."
She arched an eyebrow. Russ's words were usually a lot shorter.
He lifted another arrow. "And did it backfire on me, huh?"
Madeleine rolled her eyes before walking on.
There was a bit of a circuit thing going on today. At each "station", different things were set up: elemental combat (first aid kits strategically placed), fencing, archery, obstacle course, a gym-like area (at which Russ had impressed rather a few onlooking females, being stared at and accompained by dreamy sighs as he did tricep dips from the bar), etc. Basically, they were given free reign, and if they were in difficulty, they could ask Madeleine for help, while she prowled the room, watching for mistakes. Everyone except for Russ seemed to respond much more positively, which mollified her slightly. Since arriving, Russ was pretty much doing everything he could to defy her authority, thinking that she wouldn't check him on it.
He was wrong.
Later on, the session ended without a single casualty - thank God. Madeleine's blood pressure may not have coped with that, but as it was, she was feeling reasonably smug while the Warriors put their weapons away and the equipment flew neatly from where it had been to the proper places.
Madeleine glanced about the almost empty room from the desk in which all her paperwork (eugh) was, noting that Russ had left the room, and felt a little nervous. Due to Russ's mouth, Madeleine liked to keep an eye on him (and mainly what he was saying and who he was saying it to), but sometimes it was safer just to stay away from him.
"Madeleine."
She turned to see Misa, a pale, tired, almost ill-looking Misa smiling tiredly at her. She opened her mouth to ask if she was feeling alright, but Misa continued:
"I was wondering if you'd like to maybe go for a walk?"
Misa's nightmares hadn't stopped, Madeleine was sure of it. She looked as though she hadn't slep for days, and that concerned her. She'd asked Misa to tell if the dreams over three months ago, and each time she saw Misa, she became more and more worried, even debating whether she should go to Hoodham. But there was a very thin line between concern and interference, and Madeleine knew she would be best waiting until Misa came to her herself.
And now that she was getting a chance to walk with Misa, Madeleine was going to coax it out of her.
"Sure," she said, locking the desk drawer and slipping the key into her pocket. "Just let me lock up first, okay?"
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Post by misa on Apr 23, 2008 14:38:00 GMT
Misa felt embarrassed as she watched Madeleine take in the sight of her (what a sight that was, no doubt), but she refused to let the smile on her face faulter. She could still distantly remember a time when she could keep every emotion she didn't need or want off her face for days, weeks, forever if needs be. Still, the almost pitying look on Madeleine's face made her want nothing more than to curl up into the miserable little ball on the floor she felt like and not get up until the storm her life had become had passed over.
"Sure," Madeleine said, locking the desk drawer and slipping the key into her pocket. "Just let me lock up first, okay?"
She'd said yes.
Bugger.
Misa had been nearly hoping Madeleine would find a way around accepting the invitation, that maybe Madeleine wouldn't want to spend anymore time than necessary with the freak who gave her messages from beyond the sodding grave and would find some excuse, but no; she was far too good, too decent, for that.
Pushing her feelings down deep inside the hollow spot in her chest that her heart ought to have occupied (it still would have done, but it seemed to have taken up permenant residence in her throat lately), Misa responded,
"Great,"...she had no idea what else she could say.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Apr 26, 2008 13:04:12 GMT
How best to draw it out of Misa? What could Madeleine say that could help Misa open up to her.
Maybe she was interfering. But she was concerned. Maybe because she was expecting the worst, but this had been on Madeleine's thoughts a lot. Orla was dead, yes. But what if others knew how to do that; to take control of someone's mind just as fully as she had?
That was the type of thing that kept Madeleine up late at nights.
But still, now that she could guess what might (and she had to remind herself all the time, that it was only a might) be happening, at least she'd be able to warn Misa, to talk to her about it.
At least there was that.
So she locked up quickly, and turned to Misa with a smile.
"So, where do you want to go?"
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Post by misa on May 6, 2008 18:18:43 GMT
"Space. That or somewhere else where nobody will be able to hear me scream. Somewhere-Shush!
Misa silenced her sarcastic mind wondering just what the hell was wrong with her that she had to hold her tongue as well, to prevent herself giving Madeleine that answer.
She knew the right answer, she'd spent lunch in the library drifting through the pages of some recent geographical studies of the area. The field had been easy enough to find and it wasn't too far away from Orchid; maybe twenty minutes.
She knew the answer she had to give, regardless of how much she wanted to.
She didn't want to lie, though, and that was why she decided to dilute her answer with as much truth as possible.
"Out there," She gestured out the window at the fields where the sun was just starting its late descent. "I feel like...the walls are moving in. This place seemed enormous when I first arrived, but it's getting smaller. I'd like to, I don't know, remind myself there is somewhere beyond here,"
It was like trying to dilute oil with water.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Jun 2, 2008 17:16:13 GMT
Madeleine nodded. "I know the feeling."
Of course, Misa was probably perfectly aware of exactly how well Madeleine felt about it by now. Russ had made sure that the word was spreading. Most people were fine, thank God, but there'd been a few... incidents...
She shivered slightly at that, but knew that no matter what people were saying, she'd dealt with worse prejudice.
After all, there was still that scar on her shoulder...
"So shall we just go for a wander in the fields, then?"
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Post by misa on Jun 2, 2008 17:50:59 GMT
"Sounds good to me," Misa agreed. As she watched Madeleine put away the assortment of papers on her desk, Misa felt a wave of nausea pass through her head and she subtlely leaned back on the desk behind her, clutching its edge. There was no way she was letting anything like that happen right now.
No more weakness - she refused to show it; simply refused.
Forcing images of the old days, when she was the strongest person for miles around, the one relied upon to sort the mess, protect the people...it was harder to remember, like all those thoughts were fuzzy and not quite hers. It seemed such a long time ago, too.
Looking down she realised her hands were clenched in fists, her knuckles a pure white and she promptly let go of the desk edge.
"Ready?" She asked forcing unnecessary false cheer into her voice.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Jun 2, 2008 18:03:07 GMT
Madeleine smiled, but privately wondered if Misa would last the length of a decent walk. She really didn't look well.
"Just about," she said, finally locking up the last of the papers - the blue injury forms, which, thankfully, she hadn't needed today. There was an awful lot of information and unnecessary hassle needed for even a small injury that was easily fixed, and sometimes, Madeleine tired of paperwork - especially when it came to certain things that she wanted her Warriors to do, but had to submit intricitely detailed lesson plans and emergency procedures among many others to Professors Raven and Gonzalez before they passed on another copy to Professor Hoodham for procedure - and never mind her own copy of the plans!
Still, the paperwork was worth it in the end.
Turning the silver key in the final lock, she left the desk and closed the weapons store with the keys and heavily encrypted codes, before turning around to face Misa. "Okay, ready."
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Post by misa on Jun 2, 2008 18:18:43 GMT
They began to walk, wondering down the corridors to the entrance hall at a steady enough pace, Madeleine leading as she seemed to know a route ten times faster to the one Misa would have choosen.
Soon they were out in the fresh air, but it didn't clear her head or help ease the tightness in her chest as Misa had so hoped it would.
The silence they walked in was growing stagnant, she was going to have to say something...
"Nice weather we're having, isn't it?"
Oh, God. She hadn't just-
She didn't honestly sa-
d**n, was that really the best she could do?
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Jun 2, 2008 18:32:28 GMT
"Hmm," Madeleine agreed, letting her hand sweep across the foliage growing alongside her, her fingers closing on some plants and coming away smelling of meadowsweet.
That was one of the lovely things about the plants here. Because it was so close to the forest, lots of wildflowers grew - bluebells and sweet cecily, foxglove and primrose, pineapple sage and moschatel... She loved the scented ones particularly, the way in the balmy summer they gave the air a sweet fragrant fume...
"It's been so sunny, recently," she added, glancing at the sky. The sun was taking its quiet course across the sky, and the colours were just beginning to change into those only seen in a sunset in the early summer.
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Post by misa on Jun 2, 2008 18:58:14 GMT
"Yes, the sky's celebrating, and after a winter so bad it seems only fair," Misa watched as Madeleine skimmed her hands across the over grown plants.
She seemed so at peace, at one with nature.
Misa herself, was feeling awfully...Lady Macbeth.
Completely out of sync with the entire world.
A poor player fretting her hour upon the stage.
So alone in a crowd; so cold in the summer sunshine.
But Madeleine was right there, she wasn't alone, maybe if she just said something, reached out with her words if not with actions she could let Madeleine know how scared, how out of control, she felt.
Just say it.
Misa opened her mouth, say it, "Madeleine," she paused. say it[/b].
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Jun 3, 2008 18:05:10 GMT
Madeleine's hands continued to trail behind her along the wild plants, catching on different plants. Feeling a familiar one, her fingers closed around it, pulling the flowers and stem out.
Lemon balm. In the humid evening, the smell of citrus was strong and easily identifiable. Coincedentally, the crushed leaves were a really good mosquito repellent if you rubbed them on your skin. Not that mosquitoes were much of a problem here. One of the women she had known in Emsley had shown her this, and she remembered an email from Russ back when he lived in Spain, where he'd been giving off about the number of mosquitoes and how much he missed "bloody lemon balm".
This is what people pick up when school is 'optional'.
"Madeleine..."
She half-turned to Misa, with a gentle smile. "Yep?"
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Post by misa on Jun 5, 2008 17:24:07 GMT
Madeleine turned and her face seemed so open, so innocent even though Misa didn't doubt her Head had seen ten-fold what a person five times her age should.
"Yep?"
Her resolve wavered and crumbled quicker than the wall of Jericho.
"Um..." d**n, what to say? "Congratulations!" Her voice was too high, too estatic, "I heard about you and," Oh, what was his name? "The spy..."
Well, that sounded convincing.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Jun 8, 2008 19:07:19 GMT
Madeleine smiled softly, but could feel her colour rising.
Though, if she was honest, she had expected Misa to have heard long before that - after all, she'd probably heard some of the ribald jokes some of her Warriors were making to her, that resulted in a clout to the head in most cases.
"Lee," she smiled, a delicate shade of pink. "And thank you, it's nice to hear something other than teasing!"
Jack had started it.
Could you guess?
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Post by misa on Jun 8, 2008 19:30:24 GMT
She should have known that. Everyone was talking about it, and she'd certainly caught the beginnings and ends of enough jokes to last several people a lifetime.
"Personally I think it's wonderful. People are probably just jealous they don't have someone like that, heaven knows they should be," Misa looked away, embarrassed herself.
She'd seen how Lee and Madeleine were. She'd had someone like that once even if their relationship hadn't been romantic. Someone so close you could tell them anything darkening your heart or clouding your mind and it would just drift away, someone who was like a home away from home.
It was still early, albeit beautiful, days with Dylan, but Misa couldn't shake a dreadful feeling she'd been having lately that those days were numbered. She did try to lay it down to the fact that she was 'off-colour' at the moment, but nevertheless
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