Spillage

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine winced. "He ran away. Will... forced him to take his medication. Not the wisest of things to do. He..."
Freaked out? Blew up the hospital wing? Fled?
And Madeleine didn't even blame him for it.
"... ran away," she finished.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

"Christ," Lee said blankly. "Wow. Um. Okay."
Firstly- how in the hell could Will be stupid enough to force medication on Steve? He was known to Lee by reputation- 'Bonkers from Yonkers' was said to be pretty much insane. Lee was certain these were just exaggerated rumours; thriving with the help of the vicious tongues of bored, young girls- but still, he knew Steve wasn't exactly... normal.
Whatever the case, you shouldn't force medication on someone. No matter what. Surely Will should have had more sense...?
"And the stabbing?"

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

"I've no idea," Madeleine said honestly, keeping her eyes trained on the bag floating before them, determinedly resisting the way her brain was telling her eyes to travel.
"Jack found her, in the forest. He brought her back, she went into cardiac arrest, Olivia ran a 'code team', whatever that is and brought her back to life ... and now she's in the hospital wing. I haven't seen her yet, she'd been under sedation."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Will was- ?!
"She was... dead?" he said hollowly; the sense of deja vu growing stronger still. "She was... actually, literally dead?"
A howl; something wild, animalistic echoed throughout his head, stunning him, and making his eyes burn. Just beneath the surface, he felt something shift, and a wave of horrible... horrible pain came over him. He gave a sharp intake of breath, but just as soon as it came, it was gone, and he relaxed.
What the hell was going on?!

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine had to glance at him this time, worried by his tone.
"Her heart stopped for about two seconds, Lee. She was only dead for two seconds. And they brought her back to life; that's what the Carers do. And she'll be fine, honestly. I was dead for about an hour and a half to two hours before they brought me back, and I'm okay - no lasting damage."
The only remaining vestiges of that expedition from life were a small, bullet-shaped scar on her right leg, a few memories, and a smooth, black stone.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Lee's steps slowed as she spoke, the pain back, and growing stronger- and when she moved onto herself he came to a dead halt. Suddenly, his mouth felt dry. A painful memory was hiding; just out of sight. He didn't know what it was but... it hurt. An aching... a longing... a terrible, terrible fear...
A fear that she'd leave him forever.
Jude's face was swimming before his... and Lee... he was speaking...
"Yeah... yeah you can't. You're no miracle-worker- if only! I just... I want her to wake up."
"I know..." Jude began.
"No! You don't. You don't know what I want!" How could he be so stupid? He didn't understand! "You don't... get it! I want... Madeleine's eyes to open and to see her smile. I want her to never have to fight again- to leave the school and never come back to this hell. I want her to... to meet her soulmate and marry him; I want her to be successful in her job and her life; I want her to... to grow old with that guy, and to have about fifty grandkids, all running about and making her happy. I want her to die an old woman- content and warm in her bed. I want her to die in the knowledge that's she's had a long, full, rich life, and that she's had everything she ever wanted... I want this stupid war never to touch her again. I want her to be happy. Is that so much to ask?"
Lee bit his lip, his eyes raising to see the back of Madeleine's head again. Suddenly... as he watched her... suddenly he felt scared. Like... really, really scared of what he'd forgotten. How could he have felt content once? How could he have forgotten saying something like that?
Was it even real... or was it just some cruel trick played by his mind...?
He wouldn't forget that. Lee wouldn't forget something like that. He wouldn't forget this... this horrible, gut-wrenching, sickening pain...
... is that what she felt?
"Maddie, drop the bag."

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine turned around to face him.
This time terrified by his tone.
"What? Why am I dropping the bag?"

[Kira & Lee Norris]

He kept looking at her; despite all of this... but now, for a very different reason. Because a stupid, unholy sort of terror had seized him... that if he took his eyes away from hers at any moment... her eyes could flutter closed...
"Maddie, drop the bag," he repeated, his voice shaking with something... something halfway between fear and rage. This fear and rage was directed inwardly...
... but god, it felt like it was all directed straight at her.
"Just... I'll do it myself, okay?"

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Why was he looking at her like that?
This wasn't just glancing at her, or watching her - he was staring at her with an intensity that burned, searing her eyes with its fierceness.
And his voice was shaking, and she didn't know why, but it was sending an unholy terror through her.
Don't look at me like that...
Why was his voice shaking? Was it anger, was it terror, was it...?
What on earth was happening here?!
"Lee... what's wrong?" Madeleine frowned. "You're... scaring me a little."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Just say it, then. Say it, and be done with it.
Lee took a deep breath, his mind swimming back to the dark, cold arms of his logic. Let that reign. Control your emotions, and don't let her get under your skin. Don't let her get to you like that. Stay calm, and do what must be done.
It was simple, really.
"Maddie," he said, calmer now. "Drop the bag, and leave me alone. I don't want you to walk with me anymore- I shouldn't have let you walk with me. I'm sorry- but you're going to have to go away."

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine shook her head, gently lowering it to the ground.
Mixed messages. She was getting so confused... one minute, he was joking and laughing with her. The next, he was telling her that he didn't want to see her again. And then, he was engaging her into conversation, smiling at her, looking at her, before going back to the 'leave me alone' stage.
And the worst bit was, every time he was talking and smiling with her, she was happier, and a little bit of faith was restored - but when he turned like that, she was brought back even deeper into the pit. Right now, she didn't even want to register what she was feeling, but she could feel the black clutches of the pit taking her in and burying her in the treacly mess once more...
And the really hard bit was that Lee would never have done this to her before, never messed her around like this. He would have confronted whatever was wrong with him...
Confront...
The word made something click in her brain.
She met his dark eyes, repressing every thought other than what she wanted to concentrate on. "Lee, please, just ... tell me something. What's with all these - all these mixed messages right now? One minute you want me to leave, the next you're chatting and laughing... What's with this?"
Make up your d**n mind, please.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Lee stared at her, and his logic sarcastically cheered him on.
What? Did you think she was stupid? Didn't think she would ask?
"Because..." Lee said slowly, the horrible image of her cold and dead in the Hospital Wing hanging overhead- a looming, dark threat. "Because... sometimes I want to be with you, and sometimes I don't."
What?
It's true.
But what?
"And then... I get confused, I guess. I thought it would be okay there now but... Maddie, I got another flash and just... realized I was right the first time around." He gulped. "Please go away, Maddie."

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

No...
And there was the pit again - only this time, a new dimension had been added to it.
Self-blame. Stupidity. And the knowledge that she had wrecked everything that they could have been, once again.
Should have been.
And now...
"Okay," Madeleine said, closing her eyes and turning on her heel. "I'll... see you around or, whatever..."
Her voice was breaking ominiously, but she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't cry. She could restrain herself from that particular sign of weakness this time.
But self-control didn't stop the pain.
If only.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

He couldn't let her walk away.
"Maddie," he said suddenly, stepping forward, catching up with her and taking her arm, spinning her to face him.
His hand gripped her elbow tightly- probably painfully, but he didn't care. He was determined not to let her- he refused to. Why? Because he wanted his question answered.
And... because he wanted to touch her... just one more time.
The very thought that this could be it had him digging in his nails; his fingers a iron-like clasp.
"Maddie," he repeated, slightly breathlessly. "Maddie... just tell me... why didn't you tell me what we were like? Why won't you?"

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

"Let go of me," she answered shakily, as he held tightly on to her arm, shaking it. "Let go!"
But he made no movement to let go of her.
Please just go, her heart was pleading. It just wished that he could let her alone to grieve. Let her alone to heal. Just... just stop looking at her like that. Please. Stop.
And of course, Madeleine was still sinking into the blackness, and now, everytime he said the word "Maddie", in his soft Irish lilt, still the same, nails were driven into her skin, tearing it apart, making it bleed...
Just let me bleed, Lee. Stop.
She cleared her throat, calming her raging breathing, trying to still her racing heart at the contact.
"Because... it hurts, Lee. It goddam well hurts and I don't want to let you hurt the same way. Now, let go of me. I thought you wanted me to go."