Post by Kira & Lee Norris on Jun 26, 2009 13:15:18 GMT
The sound of his own breathing was the only thing that kept him sane. It was the only reason he knew he was still alive.
For the longest time, darkness was his only company. For the longest time, he couldn’t remember why it was there- it just was. Sometimes, at the edges of his vision, shapes swam and swarmed- but nothing was clear ‘til the first spots of light began to appear. They were slow; infrequent at first. When Lee initially saw them, he’d wondered whether he really was dying, and this was Heaven opening up to him. That’s why, when the spots sped up, and burst into whiteness, erasing all of the comforting darkness, he panicked.
Lee started to thrash, his whole body throwing itself upwards violently- but was immediately pushed down by a pair of strong, wide hands. Hands that stirred a memory of a long-forgotten touch.
“Stay down, Lee.” A pause. “And welcome back.”
Nurse Gornray’s deep brown eyes melted into focus. Behind her, the white lights of the Hospital Wing sharpened and separated. Lee’s momentary relief at realising he was still alive fast dissipated.
“Nurse Gornray, I-”
“Stay down, Norris,” a sharp edge hardened her voice; an edge that Lee knew was usually reserved for more troublesome patients and sometimes provoked by acts of defiance- or, bizarrely, the presence of Jude Dorrian.
The swiftness of this sharpening caught Lee off-guard. Nurse Gornray had to be under extreme stress- she never spoke to him like that.
Why-?
Had Lee been hit around the head with a sledgehammer, it couldn’t have hit him any harder.
Madeleine.
“Where is she?!” Lee’s voice rose, almost hysterically climbing as he fought Nurse Gornray back. “Maddie? Maddie?! Have you got her? Did you save her? What’s-?”
“No. We lost.”
He froze, suspended in her arms. Gornray glared down at him.
“W- we lost? It’s… over?”
“Yes.”
“I…” his eyebrows knitted, “I missed it?”
“I thought your cousin was being extreme when she brought you here,” Nurse Gornray’s glare hardened. “I’ve been wrong before.”
“Kira-?” Her startling blue eyes flickered before him. “Kira knocked me out. She…” His mouth fell slack.
“If you cause any more of a scene in my wing,” Nurse Gornray’s eyes softened, though her tone did not, “God forgive me, Lee, I’ll kill you.”
She let go. Lee dropped back into his pillows with a dull thud and for the first time, he noticed a tired-looking Carer girl at his bedside, another syringe ready- just in case, he bitterly supposed.
Lee’s head was pounding. All his muscles were loose. He attempted to return to simply concentrating on breathing- but he couldn’t.
Madeleine.
He had to know more.
“What happened?”
The Carer jumped. “I… we lost.”
“I know, dámmit!” Lee’s short flash of temper echoed abruptly in the silent, beeping ward. Perhaps it was the vibrations it set off in the quiet air that caused the Carer to shake. Lee’s head lolled back. “Sorry.”
The Carer half-attempted to shrug. “It’s ‘kay.”
Lee’s eyes closed again. “How bad was it?”
“We…” the girl gave Lee the impression she was measuring her words very carefully, wary of provoking him again, “We were pushed back… and a lot of people got hurt. Our numbers have been decimated.”
“And Maddie- I mean… Baudelaire?”
“Still captured, sir. But alive, sir.”
Alive.
His heart swelled.
Alive.
“Are… we captured?”
But no, they couldn’t be. If they were in captivity, at least then he would stand a chance of seeing her. Like a last request, or something.
“No, sir. Commander Trove set Blueberg Forest alight. It drove them back, sir… but only just.”
Lee pressed his lips together. Blueberg… burned to the ground. Maddie would never be so crude- so clumsy. Not even if she- like Jack obviously was- had been desperate.
“Where’s Kira- ah, Norris?”
“She…” There was a delicate pause. “The Head of the Spies has lately been consulting with the other Heads, Professor Hoodham and Commander Trove. Planning our next attack… maybe.”
There was a wavering combination of fear and fervour in the girl’s voice. An unpleasant one.
Lee’s eyes re-opened. “Okay. Can you retrieve her for me?”
The Carer paused. “I…”
“Tell her I request her presence immediately.” Lee’s back stiffened, and he pushed himself unsteadily into an upright position. “Immediately.” The Carer didn’t move. Lee’s temper, already barely managing to toe the line, leaped forward. “NOW!”
“NORRIS!” Nurse Gornray was towering over him but this time, Lee met her glare with a fierce look of his own.
“Gornray?” There was a chill to his voice. One she didn’t like.
“You are not the only one in this ward, Norris,” Gornray’s lips revealed a sharp, shining set of teeth. “If Kira Norris’ presence here is going to provoke you any further, you will not be permitted to see her. Is that clear?”
Lee made no effort to reply.
“Go and attend to the Head of the Spies,” Nurse Gornray said sharply to the young girl. “Tell her that her cousin’s up.”
The Carer didn’t need another prompt. She was off like a shot.
Gornray gave Lee a final warning glance, then she too moved away. For the first time Lee’s head turned to survey his surroundings- and his stomach tripped forward sickeningly.
Every bed in the ward was filled. Every student that lay there was spattered with some sort of bodily fluid- blood and vomit alike. The smell of sickness filled his nostrils suddenly, laced with the sharp taste of disinfectant.
Some slept; their bandages looped in diagonals across their heads and bodies, scarlet smattered.
Others stared- the horrors of the battle playing before them, etching themselves into every line of their victim’s face.
Some thrashed- but in silence.
Other sobbed; a strange, half-ashamed, suppressed noise. It sounded a little like they were choking.
Gornray moved- a graceless angel- swooping over her patients with a stern, steely glance. Carers flocked and congregated- sometimes two to a bed. As was the custom in places such as these- sanctuaries for the sick and the injured- all spoke in low murmurs; producing a strange, muffled hum that steadily played underneath the beeping of the monitors.
“We’re lucky, you know.”
Lee jumped, rolling to his side to face his neighbour. “How?”
The bloodied boy grinned a toothy grin. Beside him, a tall female Carer delicately applied ointment to several unpleasantly oozing cuts. The boy winced slightly, and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. Lee recognised that expression. The boy was steadying himself against the pain.
The Carer caught Lee’s eye. “He means you could be next door.”
As if on cue, the door on the other side of the ward opened, and the sound of screaming filled the room. Nurse Gornray leaped up and ran past, followed by several panicked Carers, through the door. It slammed.
The room was once more silent.
Lee’s heart rose to his throat. “I… it’s never been this bad before.”
“We weren’t ready,” the boy said matter-of-factly. “I don’t care what they say- no-one can blame Trove. He was only appointed a few hours earlier.”
“My friend met him on the field,” the boy’s Carer paused thoughtfully, “and he was a wreck. An absolute wreck. If he hadn’t met my friend… we think he would’ve bled out.”
“They say he faced off with their Commander-”
“Yeah- but I heard Rayner was the one who finished him off-”
“The Spy girl-?”
“Stop it,” Lee’s heart was thudding; partly because of the pain. Partly because it was bursting with jealousy. “Er… they’re my friends.”
The Carer dropped her gaze. “Sorry… I… I didn’t mean-”
“He’s okay,” the boy said quickly. “Trove is okay. So is Rayner. She’s fine, too.”
“And… Madeleine?”
The boy’s gaze fell now, too. No-one spoke because no-one knew. Alive, alive… but for how long? And how did they really know she was still alive, anyway-?
No.
Can’t think like that.
Won’t.
He wished he could concentrate on his breathing. That would be logical. That would be smart. That way, he wouldn’t have to think. His imagination, though not nearly impressive as Kira’s, was an ugly thing when provoked. If you can’t concentrate on your breathing… then, just… just… think this through logically.
Think it through, Lee.
If the enemy killed her… surely… they’d boast of it? After all, what a blow to Orchid that would be! And it wasn’t like they’d then have anything over Orchid. At the moment, Orchid Hill was subject to it… because they had something the school didn’t. It made no logical sense to kill her.
But then…
It did. Because by killing her, they would weaken Orchid. By killing her, they would weaken the school’s defences, the school’s morale… and look how badly Orchid Hill had been effected simply by kidnapping her. But killing Maddie-
NO.
His blood was cold. His breathing was growing erratic. His fists were clenched.
Can’t think like that.
Won’t.
It would drive him crazy if it didn’t kill him first.
“I think your cousin’s arrived…” the Carer’s voice seemed softer; further away than before. Lee glanced at her, and saw her head was turned towards the door that screamed.
The door gently pushed open, and the shrieks of pain reverberated unnaturally around the ward for several long, drawn-out seconds as Kira and two Carers- both tall boys- emerged from the room. Lee felt an odd hollowness settle over him when Kira looked up, and caught his eye.
Her face was haggard, and hollow. Her blue eyes were bloodshot. Her curls a tousled, sticky mess. There was no usual pink flush to her lips or cheeks. The last time he’d seen someone so pale-
Madeleine.
The hollow feeling in his heart filled and froze over as he watched Kira, supported by the two male Carers, limp towards him. It seemed to take her a lifetime to get to him. A sheen of sweat covered her forehead, and her face was… determined. Resolute.
And Lee knew that expression. It was the same expression the toothy boy beside him wore.
Kira was steadying herself against the pain.
When finally she reached him, one of her Carers drew around a chair, and they carefully lowered her into it. Warily, they stepped back, watching Lee through narrowed eyes.
Kira’s gaze was weak. “What?”
All sympathy he had had with his cousin up until that point, broke. Lee’s temper, still bubbling under the surface, couldn’t take it. “What the hell do you mean, ‘what’?!”
Kira held up a hand. “Please, Lee. I’m very busy. If you’re just planning to sit and yell at me, I’m leaving now.”
His eyes flashed. “I’m not yell-”
“Yes, you are.” Her tone wasn’t even sharp. She just sounded tired.
Cut short, he frowned, pushing himself up a little higher. “Kira… I…” His fiancée’s beautiful face smiled at him fro somewhere deep within his consciousness. “Kira, I would’ve fought. I wanted to fight. I would’ve killed their Commander. I would’ve won.”
“You see,” Kira said softly to the Carer on her right, “this is exactly what I was talking about.”
“What?” Lee said quickly, glancing back and forth between the pair. But both Carers’ faces remained blank. Totally unfathomable.
Kira looked back at him. “Oh, Lee… you’re too passionate. You would’ve fought, yeah, but… your passion would’ve caused you to screw up. Madeleine would agree.”
Another flash of red wiped Maddie’s face out. Lee Norris? Passionate? It was idiotic!
Yet in that instant, his grip on logic wavered. He couldn’t concentrate on breathing. His body was shaking.
“She wouldn’t. She knows I’d fight for her. I’d have brought her home.”
“Don’t be a fool, Lee,” Kira growled, “Jack is twenty times the fighter you’ll ever be, and Knight pounded him into the dust.”
Lee stopped. “Knight?”
“Dead, now,” she said shortly. “Ailith Rayner shot him. Remind me to give that girl a medal.”
“I would’ve got there first.” Lee’s voice was low; a soft hiss.
Kira heaved a heavy sigh, choosing to ignore him, and as she did so, she put her hand to her chest. The two Carers moved automatically, but she shook her head at them. Lee watched her pale digits shake as she loosened her grip on the material of her hoodie.
“Shut up.”
He was shocked into another outburst. “Are you telling me-?!”
“Not you, Lee,” Kira said dully. “My shadows. They won’t…”
“Christ, Kira!” Lee felt a surge of anger- another wave, just like all the others. “Look around you! People are in pain and you’re complaining about a couple of shadows-”
“You know what, Lee?” Here, she snapped, and Lee felt the savage glow of triumph, though how he had won out over her, he did not know. “I don’t have to take this cráp from you right now. There are people here who actually need my help. You just want to bítch.”
There was a horrible, horrible silence as Kira drew breath. There was something raggedly shallow about the way the air sucked itself through her system.
Lee was the first to break the silence. When his temper- his frustration- was as high as it was, it could never contain itself for long. He couldn’t remember ever feeling like this before…
No. No, he could.
Once upon a time, he’d looked at Major Hoodham with a gun in his hand, and felt nothing but hatred.
But that hatred… it had been fabricated, had it not? A trick of Libba’s. This was different- Lee realised with a jolt- this was real. This had been building for a long time, now; ever since Kira’s cold treatment of him that summer, her distance during school hours, her snubbing of him when he spoke to her…
She’d done all that. Somehow, he’d always been able to forgive her. After all, he loved her. Just as much as he did Madeleine.
At least… he thought he did.
But now… this was too much.
Too much.
The Kira Norris he’d once laughed with was dead now. He wasn’t sure how long she’d been dead… but she was, he knew that. The Kira Norris before him now called him a passionate fool.
Lee was anything but.
Madeleine.
All of the resentment he felt at being humiliated like this- at being sedated, and knocked out- left to sleep while Maddie was gone, in danger- in need of help-
All of it was directed at Kira. All of it.
Because if it wasn’t for her…
He could’ve saved Maddie. He would’ve saved Maddie.
As it was, he didn’t even get the chance to kill just one of the bástards responsible for her kidnapping.
“I’m not, Kira,” he glared at her, “at my last check, you were the one doing all the bítching- not me.”
“Fúck you, Norris,” her voice trembled, and both Carers growled in Lee’s direction. “You should be thanking me.”
“Thanking you?!” It was too much. “You fúcked me over, Kira! I had a plan! I was gonna save her! It’s your fault she’s still with them! It’s your fault she’s still gone!”
The Carers were pulling Kira to her feet. She was shaking horribly, and her mouth was suddenly glued shut. She looked away from Lee- and didn’t look back as they moved her as quickly as they could down the ward. But he couldn’t stop yelling- he couldn’t stop spitting the bullets of hatred at her as she limped.
“IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT, KIRA! MADELEINE COULD BE DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU-”
The screaming from behind the door swallowed his, before Kira and her two Carers disappeared behind it, and it was slammed shut.
The silence was dámning.
Lee rolled over onto his side, the first wave of defeat crashing over him.
“No offence, mate,” the boy beside him was staring at Lee; more coldly than before, “but you don’t know what it was like out there.”
For the longest time, darkness was his only company. For the longest time, he couldn’t remember why it was there- it just was. Sometimes, at the edges of his vision, shapes swam and swarmed- but nothing was clear ‘til the first spots of light began to appear. They were slow; infrequent at first. When Lee initially saw them, he’d wondered whether he really was dying, and this was Heaven opening up to him. That’s why, when the spots sped up, and burst into whiteness, erasing all of the comforting darkness, he panicked.
Lee started to thrash, his whole body throwing itself upwards violently- but was immediately pushed down by a pair of strong, wide hands. Hands that stirred a memory of a long-forgotten touch.
“Stay down, Lee.” A pause. “And welcome back.”
Nurse Gornray’s deep brown eyes melted into focus. Behind her, the white lights of the Hospital Wing sharpened and separated. Lee’s momentary relief at realising he was still alive fast dissipated.
“Nurse Gornray, I-”
“Stay down, Norris,” a sharp edge hardened her voice; an edge that Lee knew was usually reserved for more troublesome patients and sometimes provoked by acts of defiance- or, bizarrely, the presence of Jude Dorrian.
The swiftness of this sharpening caught Lee off-guard. Nurse Gornray had to be under extreme stress- she never spoke to him like that.
Why-?
Had Lee been hit around the head with a sledgehammer, it couldn’t have hit him any harder.
Madeleine.
“Where is she?!” Lee’s voice rose, almost hysterically climbing as he fought Nurse Gornray back. “Maddie? Maddie?! Have you got her? Did you save her? What’s-?”
“No. We lost.”
He froze, suspended in her arms. Gornray glared down at him.
“W- we lost? It’s… over?”
“Yes.”
“I…” his eyebrows knitted, “I missed it?”
“I thought your cousin was being extreme when she brought you here,” Nurse Gornray’s glare hardened. “I’ve been wrong before.”
“Kira-?” Her startling blue eyes flickered before him. “Kira knocked me out. She…” His mouth fell slack.
“If you cause any more of a scene in my wing,” Nurse Gornray’s eyes softened, though her tone did not, “God forgive me, Lee, I’ll kill you.”
She let go. Lee dropped back into his pillows with a dull thud and for the first time, he noticed a tired-looking Carer girl at his bedside, another syringe ready- just in case, he bitterly supposed.
Lee’s head was pounding. All his muscles were loose. He attempted to return to simply concentrating on breathing- but he couldn’t.
Madeleine.
He had to know more.
“What happened?”
The Carer jumped. “I… we lost.”
“I know, dámmit!” Lee’s short flash of temper echoed abruptly in the silent, beeping ward. Perhaps it was the vibrations it set off in the quiet air that caused the Carer to shake. Lee’s head lolled back. “Sorry.”
The Carer half-attempted to shrug. “It’s ‘kay.”
Lee’s eyes closed again. “How bad was it?”
“We…” the girl gave Lee the impression she was measuring her words very carefully, wary of provoking him again, “We were pushed back… and a lot of people got hurt. Our numbers have been decimated.”
“And Maddie- I mean… Baudelaire?”
“Still captured, sir. But alive, sir.”
Alive.
His heart swelled.
Alive.
“Are… we captured?”
But no, they couldn’t be. If they were in captivity, at least then he would stand a chance of seeing her. Like a last request, or something.
“No, sir. Commander Trove set Blueberg Forest alight. It drove them back, sir… but only just.”
Lee pressed his lips together. Blueberg… burned to the ground. Maddie would never be so crude- so clumsy. Not even if she- like Jack obviously was- had been desperate.
“Where’s Kira- ah, Norris?”
“She…” There was a delicate pause. “The Head of the Spies has lately been consulting with the other Heads, Professor Hoodham and Commander Trove. Planning our next attack… maybe.”
There was a wavering combination of fear and fervour in the girl’s voice. An unpleasant one.
Lee’s eyes re-opened. “Okay. Can you retrieve her for me?”
The Carer paused. “I…”
“Tell her I request her presence immediately.” Lee’s back stiffened, and he pushed himself unsteadily into an upright position. “Immediately.” The Carer didn’t move. Lee’s temper, already barely managing to toe the line, leaped forward. “NOW!”
“NORRIS!” Nurse Gornray was towering over him but this time, Lee met her glare with a fierce look of his own.
“Gornray?” There was a chill to his voice. One she didn’t like.
“You are not the only one in this ward, Norris,” Gornray’s lips revealed a sharp, shining set of teeth. “If Kira Norris’ presence here is going to provoke you any further, you will not be permitted to see her. Is that clear?”
Lee made no effort to reply.
“Go and attend to the Head of the Spies,” Nurse Gornray said sharply to the young girl. “Tell her that her cousin’s up.”
The Carer didn’t need another prompt. She was off like a shot.
Gornray gave Lee a final warning glance, then she too moved away. For the first time Lee’s head turned to survey his surroundings- and his stomach tripped forward sickeningly.
Every bed in the ward was filled. Every student that lay there was spattered with some sort of bodily fluid- blood and vomit alike. The smell of sickness filled his nostrils suddenly, laced with the sharp taste of disinfectant.
Some slept; their bandages looped in diagonals across their heads and bodies, scarlet smattered.
Others stared- the horrors of the battle playing before them, etching themselves into every line of their victim’s face.
Some thrashed- but in silence.
Other sobbed; a strange, half-ashamed, suppressed noise. It sounded a little like they were choking.
Gornray moved- a graceless angel- swooping over her patients with a stern, steely glance. Carers flocked and congregated- sometimes two to a bed. As was the custom in places such as these- sanctuaries for the sick and the injured- all spoke in low murmurs; producing a strange, muffled hum that steadily played underneath the beeping of the monitors.
“We’re lucky, you know.”
Lee jumped, rolling to his side to face his neighbour. “How?”
The bloodied boy grinned a toothy grin. Beside him, a tall female Carer delicately applied ointment to several unpleasantly oozing cuts. The boy winced slightly, and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. Lee recognised that expression. The boy was steadying himself against the pain.
The Carer caught Lee’s eye. “He means you could be next door.”
As if on cue, the door on the other side of the ward opened, and the sound of screaming filled the room. Nurse Gornray leaped up and ran past, followed by several panicked Carers, through the door. It slammed.
The room was once more silent.
Lee’s heart rose to his throat. “I… it’s never been this bad before.”
“We weren’t ready,” the boy said matter-of-factly. “I don’t care what they say- no-one can blame Trove. He was only appointed a few hours earlier.”
“My friend met him on the field,” the boy’s Carer paused thoughtfully, “and he was a wreck. An absolute wreck. If he hadn’t met my friend… we think he would’ve bled out.”
“They say he faced off with their Commander-”
“Yeah- but I heard Rayner was the one who finished him off-”
“The Spy girl-?”
“Stop it,” Lee’s heart was thudding; partly because of the pain. Partly because it was bursting with jealousy. “Er… they’re my friends.”
The Carer dropped her gaze. “Sorry… I… I didn’t mean-”
“He’s okay,” the boy said quickly. “Trove is okay. So is Rayner. She’s fine, too.”
“And… Madeleine?”
The boy’s gaze fell now, too. No-one spoke because no-one knew. Alive, alive… but for how long? And how did they really know she was still alive, anyway-?
No.
Can’t think like that.
Won’t.
He wished he could concentrate on his breathing. That would be logical. That would be smart. That way, he wouldn’t have to think. His imagination, though not nearly impressive as Kira’s, was an ugly thing when provoked. If you can’t concentrate on your breathing… then, just… just… think this through logically.
Think it through, Lee.
If the enemy killed her… surely… they’d boast of it? After all, what a blow to Orchid that would be! And it wasn’t like they’d then have anything over Orchid. At the moment, Orchid Hill was subject to it… because they had something the school didn’t. It made no logical sense to kill her.
But then…
It did. Because by killing her, they would weaken Orchid. By killing her, they would weaken the school’s defences, the school’s morale… and look how badly Orchid Hill had been effected simply by kidnapping her. But killing Maddie-
NO.
His blood was cold. His breathing was growing erratic. His fists were clenched.
Can’t think like that.
Won’t.
It would drive him crazy if it didn’t kill him first.
“I think your cousin’s arrived…” the Carer’s voice seemed softer; further away than before. Lee glanced at her, and saw her head was turned towards the door that screamed.
The door gently pushed open, and the shrieks of pain reverberated unnaturally around the ward for several long, drawn-out seconds as Kira and two Carers- both tall boys- emerged from the room. Lee felt an odd hollowness settle over him when Kira looked up, and caught his eye.
Her face was haggard, and hollow. Her blue eyes were bloodshot. Her curls a tousled, sticky mess. There was no usual pink flush to her lips or cheeks. The last time he’d seen someone so pale-
Madeleine.
The hollow feeling in his heart filled and froze over as he watched Kira, supported by the two male Carers, limp towards him. It seemed to take her a lifetime to get to him. A sheen of sweat covered her forehead, and her face was… determined. Resolute.
And Lee knew that expression. It was the same expression the toothy boy beside him wore.
Kira was steadying herself against the pain.
When finally she reached him, one of her Carers drew around a chair, and they carefully lowered her into it. Warily, they stepped back, watching Lee through narrowed eyes.
Kira’s gaze was weak. “What?”
All sympathy he had had with his cousin up until that point, broke. Lee’s temper, still bubbling under the surface, couldn’t take it. “What the hell do you mean, ‘what’?!”
Kira held up a hand. “Please, Lee. I’m very busy. If you’re just planning to sit and yell at me, I’m leaving now.”
His eyes flashed. “I’m not yell-”
“Yes, you are.” Her tone wasn’t even sharp. She just sounded tired.
Cut short, he frowned, pushing himself up a little higher. “Kira… I…” His fiancée’s beautiful face smiled at him fro somewhere deep within his consciousness. “Kira, I would’ve fought. I wanted to fight. I would’ve killed their Commander. I would’ve won.”
“You see,” Kira said softly to the Carer on her right, “this is exactly what I was talking about.”
“What?” Lee said quickly, glancing back and forth between the pair. But both Carers’ faces remained blank. Totally unfathomable.
Kira looked back at him. “Oh, Lee… you’re too passionate. You would’ve fought, yeah, but… your passion would’ve caused you to screw up. Madeleine would agree.”
Another flash of red wiped Maddie’s face out. Lee Norris? Passionate? It was idiotic!
Yet in that instant, his grip on logic wavered. He couldn’t concentrate on breathing. His body was shaking.
“She wouldn’t. She knows I’d fight for her. I’d have brought her home.”
“Don’t be a fool, Lee,” Kira growled, “Jack is twenty times the fighter you’ll ever be, and Knight pounded him into the dust.”
Lee stopped. “Knight?”
“Dead, now,” she said shortly. “Ailith Rayner shot him. Remind me to give that girl a medal.”
“I would’ve got there first.” Lee’s voice was low; a soft hiss.
Kira heaved a heavy sigh, choosing to ignore him, and as she did so, she put her hand to her chest. The two Carers moved automatically, but she shook her head at them. Lee watched her pale digits shake as she loosened her grip on the material of her hoodie.
“Shut up.”
He was shocked into another outburst. “Are you telling me-?!”
“Not you, Lee,” Kira said dully. “My shadows. They won’t…”
“Christ, Kira!” Lee felt a surge of anger- another wave, just like all the others. “Look around you! People are in pain and you’re complaining about a couple of shadows-”
“You know what, Lee?” Here, she snapped, and Lee felt the savage glow of triumph, though how he had won out over her, he did not know. “I don’t have to take this cráp from you right now. There are people here who actually need my help. You just want to bítch.”
There was a horrible, horrible silence as Kira drew breath. There was something raggedly shallow about the way the air sucked itself through her system.
Lee was the first to break the silence. When his temper- his frustration- was as high as it was, it could never contain itself for long. He couldn’t remember ever feeling like this before…
No. No, he could.
Once upon a time, he’d looked at Major Hoodham with a gun in his hand, and felt nothing but hatred.
But that hatred… it had been fabricated, had it not? A trick of Libba’s. This was different- Lee realised with a jolt- this was real. This had been building for a long time, now; ever since Kira’s cold treatment of him that summer, her distance during school hours, her snubbing of him when he spoke to her…
She’d done all that. Somehow, he’d always been able to forgive her. After all, he loved her. Just as much as he did Madeleine.
At least… he thought he did.
But now… this was too much.
Too much.
The Kira Norris he’d once laughed with was dead now. He wasn’t sure how long she’d been dead… but she was, he knew that. The Kira Norris before him now called him a passionate fool.
Lee was anything but.
Madeleine.
All of the resentment he felt at being humiliated like this- at being sedated, and knocked out- left to sleep while Maddie was gone, in danger- in need of help-
All of it was directed at Kira. All of it.
Because if it wasn’t for her…
He could’ve saved Maddie. He would’ve saved Maddie.
As it was, he didn’t even get the chance to kill just one of the bástards responsible for her kidnapping.
“I’m not, Kira,” he glared at her, “at my last check, you were the one doing all the bítching- not me.”
“Fúck you, Norris,” her voice trembled, and both Carers growled in Lee’s direction. “You should be thanking me.”
“Thanking you?!” It was too much. “You fúcked me over, Kira! I had a plan! I was gonna save her! It’s your fault she’s still with them! It’s your fault she’s still gone!”
The Carers were pulling Kira to her feet. She was shaking horribly, and her mouth was suddenly glued shut. She looked away from Lee- and didn’t look back as they moved her as quickly as they could down the ward. But he couldn’t stop yelling- he couldn’t stop spitting the bullets of hatred at her as she limped.
“IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT, KIRA! MADELEINE COULD BE DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU-”
The screaming from behind the door swallowed his, before Kira and her two Carers disappeared behind it, and it was slammed shut.
The silence was dámning.
Lee rolled over onto his side, the first wave of defeat crashing over him.
“No offence, mate,” the boy beside him was staring at Lee; more coldly than before, “but you don’t know what it was like out there.”
