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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Dec 28, 2007 16:27:47 GMT
Madeleine sniffed. "Take the pain out of love and love won't exist, right? Oh, Jesus."
The gasping was slowing down now, allowing her to talk freely, but the flow of tears just wouldn't stop.
So she gave up, and just let them fall.
The relief was amazing - her throat started to open again, and while the deep well of treacly hurt was still sucking her in, and her heart was still splitting down the middle again, the pressure on her ribs slowly eased.
Now that she was focusing less on stopping her tears, her mind was free to concentrate on the words he'd said, both to her face and to a microphone.
"How do you go from saying all that... all that crap about soulmates, and then go to not wanting to see that same person again? How does that even happen?"
It took her a minute to realise that she'd spoken aloud, but she left the phrase hanging, and she wiped her eyes in the pause.
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Post by Jude Dorrian on Dec 28, 2007 16:48:11 GMT
He smiled, hearing her breathing finally relax, and hearing her let herself give way to the tears.
"How do you go from saying all that... all that crap about soulmates, and then go to not wanting to see that same person again? How does that even happen?"
Easy answer: it just does.
But she wanted an answer that actually meant something, he expected...
"Tameron's well clued up in the verses of love," he said slowly. "D'you know what she always says to me? She says, 'Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting them not to'. I bet she'd have a quote in there for you too. Thing is- people aren't perfect. Maddox, Lee really thought he did the right thing there- and he wouldn't have tried to do that right thing if... if he didn't care..."
Yeah. That sounded alright.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Dec 28, 2007 17:10:53 GMT
She closed her eyes, Jude's words dragging her back into all those times she and Lee had tried to do the right thing, and failed miserably.
But they always fixed it before...
This time, though, they couldn't.
"We do this a lot," she said, with a watery chuckle. "All those 'right things' that backfired... But I don't... I don't blame him. It's not his fault, it's ... God, it's all Marius's fault, isn't it? Really, that's how everything starts. Hateful war."
More tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked down at the ground, keeping her breathing steady.
Then, a little black spider scuttled past.
However, instead of squeaking in fright, a whimper escaped her lips.
It was almost definitely not the same spider. But it d**n well felt like it was.
"It could have been w-worse," she said quietly. "He could be dead - though I'll not lie; that would be easier for me, because I know that there's an afterlife, and that we'd be able to ... to be together after all this is done. If he was in a coma, like me, I could have held his hand, but with this, I can't. But this... I think I kidded myself into believing that he'd fall for me again. And all the time I wonder what will happen when he falls in love with someone else."
She broke off, wiping at her eyes. Even the best waterproof make-up had caved by this stage. "It's so selfish. At least he's happy, even if I'm not. That's all that matters."
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Post by Jude Dorrian on Dec 28, 2007 17:19:57 GMT
Jude frowned to himself, the little line creasing his forehead.
"How do y'all know he's happy?"
That was kinda' presumptuous of her, wasn't it? He also thought her extreme to say that she'd rather Lee were dead. Perhaps girls really were crazy. Jude knew he thanked God Lee wasn't dead- because at least then he still had his friend, and the chance to be friends. And Maddox... shouldn't she just be grateful that he was alive?
But that wasn't the point, was it? His being alive made the whole thing that much harder for her.
But Jude didn't think Lee was happy. Maybe he was- he definitely was at first, because he didn't know what he was missing. But now that Maddox had kissed him, Lee knew.
And how in hell could that piece of knowledge make Lee happy?
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Dec 28, 2007 17:40:06 GMT
She shook her head, now certain that Jude must think terribly of her for saying that. For thinking those awful, selfish things.
"He definitely seems it," she said quietly. "After all, he doesn't know what happened before, so he can't miss it, can he?"
He can't miss me.
"He seems fine, Jude. He's always... always s-smiling, and..."
d**n, there she went again.
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Post by Jude Dorrian on Dec 29, 2007 13:27:28 GMT
"He was fine," Jude corrected her. "Was. Did he look happy when he told you that he didn't want to see you again?"
Use your brain, Maddox.
Although maybe that seemed a stupid question. Hopefully though, the point would drive through regardless.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Dec 29, 2007 13:49:21 GMT
Her eyes swam, and she cocked her head to look at Jude through a watery haze.
"I don't... I don't know," she admitted in a whisper. "He w-wouldn't look at me."
That little detail had puzzled her at the time, but she'd been occupied more with the words that he'd said to really think that through.
He wouldn't look at her.
Had she really disgusted him that much, that he couldn't even look at her?
She felt sick, and angry. Not at him - at herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid Madeleine.
She sniffed. "Why is that?"
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Post by Jude Dorrian on Dec 29, 2007 13:57:24 GMT
He didn't even look at her?! That one surprised Jude. It didn't seem right. Didn't seem right that Lee hadn't looked at her as he told her that he never wanted to see her again. Jude knew Lee didn't remember that Maddox was in love with him- didn't know- but he wasn't an idiot. He must realize that she felt something for him. How was that handled well?
Oho! The look on Tameron's face if she ever found out...
Tameron would call him selfish in his selflessness. That sounded good. Maybe not to be said now...
"He didn't look at you because he couldn't stand to," Jude said slowly. "It'd be hard, wouldn't it? Having to look at someone y'all really cared about, and cutting them out of your life just like that. Like if I had to do that with Ailith..."
He stopped. No. He'd look at her. He'd meet her eyes.
He hoped he'd be able to meet her eyes.
But at least he could understand Lee.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Dec 29, 2007 14:27:02 GMT
Madeleine almost laughed. Poor Jude, was he really under that delusion? That Lee cared about her. He once did, she knew that. She hugged that knowledge close to her, hugging it like a precious comfort blanket, something that she knew she would need - did need, no matter how much it hurt. He'd loved her.
Past tense.
She shook her head at Jude, smiling weakly. "He can't care anymore. He doesn't remember me, right? We barely know each other."
Yeah...
He'd mentioned Ailith, and Madeleine felt a small knowing smile form on her lips at how Jude had trailed off like that. She knew that look. Too well.
Jude was falling, if he hadn't already fallen.
That was sweet. She was happy for them - really. Alright, she'd admit, she felt jealous of them both. So jealous. But she was happy for them.
"How is it going with you two?"
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Post by Jude Dorrian on Dec 29, 2007 14:32:20 GMT
It felt like one of Tameron's trick questions.
Jude's head snapped up, looking over at her. "What do you mean? Me and Ailith?"
Why was she smiling at him like that?
"Yeah," he said gruffly, looking away again. "Yeah, it's... it's good. I think it is, anyway. It's not bad. And she seems... happy enough, doesn't she?"
She was still smiling at him, wasn't she?
Stupid Maddox.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Dec 29, 2007 14:38:58 GMT
Madeleine smiled as he looked away, but her head lowered and she glanced at the ground again. The smile was still there, but she didn't like the bitter edge to it.
"Yeah. Yeah, she does. And you? You're happy?"
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Post by Jude Dorrian on Dec 29, 2007 14:53:03 GMT
"Yeah." That gruff note to his voice was still there. "Yeah, I am. Very."
There was a brief silence. Jude felt like he should bring it back to Lee but... he didn't know how to do it without Maddox beginning to leak all over again.
So he decided to wait. They say silence is golden, after all.
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Dec 29, 2007 15:17:17 GMT
"That's great," she said quietly.
At least her tears had stopped. That could only be a good thing.
Silence.
All of a sudden, there was no noise. She hadn't noticed it, but she couldn't hear the giggles from bushes anymore. There were no couples walking past anymore. Where'd they all gone? It'd annoyed her, at first, but now, she just wanted things to be normal.
Glancing at her hands, she noticed that the moon was shining off her Claddagh ring.
She raised her hand, studying the ring, the heart still pointing inwards.
If she had looked at it five minutes ago, it would have sent a wave of unbelievable grief through her. But now... it was just another thing that she had to do.
Cut the ties.
And even though there was an unbelievably painful tug on her heartstrings, she swallowed, and spoke aloud, keeping her voice carefully light.
"You know, it's probably time I took this thing off."
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Post by Jude Dorrian on Dec 29, 2007 15:31:19 GMT
A whispering wind spread over the Gardens, chilling them, and sending the last of the canoodling couples inside shivering. With the absence of words, and Maddox's choked tears, a solemn tranquility had now settled over them; cast by the lunar light of the moon. Jude stared upwards, leaning backwards and watching the stars that still seemed far too bright.
What time was it anyway?
"You know, it's probably time I took this thing off."
He jumped, turning to face Maddox. Neither had spoken for so long... well, Jude had half-expected them to spend the rest of the night out here in silence.
"Your ring?"
He tilted his head, scouring his brain for any little scrap of knowledge that Tameron may've given him that would tell him what the ring was there for. Finally, coming up with nothing, he sighed, and asked the question.
"What kind of ring is that, anyway?"
He was certain he recognized its shape...
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Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Dec 29, 2007 15:42:52 GMT
"It's a Claddagh ring."
Madeleine's hand dropped to her lap, and she determinedly started straight ahead. "It's an Irish thing... a symbol, I guess. The whole thing symbolises a relationshp. The heart is love, the hands friendship, and the crown loyalty."
She held the hand out in front of her, so that Jude could see it, but she avoided looking at it herself. "If you wear it with the point of the heart facing outwards, it means that you're not involved, that your heart's 'free'. Pointing inwards, like this, it means that your heart is 'taken'."
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