Post by Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford on Sept 22, 2007 18:34:29 GMT
Tonight, Madeleine's English homework was the bane of her existance.
It was creative writing - something she was usually good at. She loved writing stories, making up things about the lives of other people - people who didn't live the life she lived. Stories of outrageous battle, political dischord, stock market crashes, vampires and werewolves, forbidden love - she'd written them all. Her characters ranged from naïve, young children to sullen teenagers, to malevolent, confused adults. Anything went when it came to her writing.
But tonight, she had no inspiration. She'd started writing a story about six different stories, each time crossing the opening sentence out with an angry stroke of her fountain pen.
She wrote down another few words on the sheet in her pretty, flowing script, then scowled. No. It wasn't good.
She tore out the page and threw it into the blazing fire of the empty common room, then sat back and sighed.
No inspiration, and she knew why.
Things were going wrong.
She'd been so sure that ending it with Lee was the right hing to do... actually, no. That was a lie. She hadn't been sure. She just felt that she couldn't do it anymore, because she was so hurt, and stunned by what she'd seen.
Now, unsurprisingly, Lee had been avoiding her - she wasn't sure if it was active or passive, but she hadn't seen him since. Not only that, but Kira, someone who she would have counted as a close friend, was ignoring her. She'd expected it - she was Lee's cousin, after all - but she still couldn't say that she entirely deserved it. Maybe a little, but...
Oh, who was she kidding?
And the new accquaintances she'd made were also not speaking to her, but she would never have expected them to talk to her, not after she dumped their best friend.
And now, she felt alone.
She wasn't alone, she knew that. She just felt alone.
She knew she deserved it.
And more than that - her guilt was killing her, eating away at her soul like some flesh-eating disease, making it first turn black and rot away...
Why had she done it? Yes, she had seen him kiss Chloe - but she should have talked to him about it first, before doing anything rash. It had been a kneejerk reaction. And she knew that she shouldn't have done it. Because it had just ended in misery for the both of them...
Or had it? From what she'd heard, Lee wasn't exactly moping around. Not that she had expected him to - after all, he was free to go with Chloe now, wasn't he?
And the thought still made Madeleine feel physically sick.
She set down her pen, and gazed into the spitting, crackling orange flames, reminded of the campfire. That was the last night...
Stop that!
The sharp reprimand issued from her brain surprised her.
You're a Warrior. Stop wallowing in misery. It's over. It's done. Stop opening the wounds!
But it wasn't done.
Not entirely.
She didn't want it to be done.
Because she still felt for him. She still wanted to see him smile, to watch him laugh, to kiss him...
When was the last time they had kissed?
The question threw her. She couldn't remember. It had been that long ago.
No, she could. It was when they had made up. So long ago...
They hadn't kissed often, but it was so worth it. Each time it happened, it was like...
Stop.
She had to stop doing this to herself. It had been her decision to end it. Not his. She was the dumper, not the dumpee. It was a new experience completely. But she wasn't allowed to wallow in self-pity and misery. She had no right to be emo. None at all.
But it didn't stop her missing him.
Madeleine tore her eyes away from the fire and back to her notepad.
She put the pen to the paper, but she still couldn't get anything. She was comtemplating giving up and doing it tomorrow, when she felt a presence behind her.
She turned round.
It was Levi.
Feeling a slight sense of disappointment, she forced a smile. "You know, it's rude to sneak up on people."
He chuckled, pulling up a chair beside her. "What are you up to?"
She would normally be suspicious - but her brain was worn out tonight.
"This... eh... English. Thing."
He glanced at the page. "You've done loads."
She smiled grudgingly. "Sarcasm is the last resort of the mentally incoherent."
"I'm perfectly coherent," he grinned, obviously taken aback by her friendliness. "I just use sarcasm to hide my insecurities and inner pain."
She shook her head, suddenly aware of who she was talking to, then tuned out.
The flames crackled...
Levi frowned. "Madeleine, are you alright?"
Madeleine started. "Sorry, what?"
He smiled gently. "Off in a dreamworld?"
"You could say that," she muttered.
He raised an eyebrow. "Madeleine?"
"What?"
"You know that if there's something wrong, you can talk to me, right?" His voice was soft, concerned.
Wow. Levi was being nice. What was wrong?
Even though she guessed that he had an ulterior motive, Madeleine found herself warming to him at that.
"Thanks, but it's all fine," she said, smiling softly, glancing at the fire again, and setting down her pen.
"You sure?" he asked, looking at her.
"I'm sure," she lied. "Hey, how come you're being nice to me?"
He grinned sheepishly, and Madeleine couldn't help but notice how perfectly white and straight his teeth were.
"I feel really bad about what I did on Saturday night," he said, sheepishly. "I think we should sort of... restart things? We got off on the wrong foot."
"You're telling me," Madeleine said, with feeling.
He laughed. "So, no more using inanimate objects to attack me?"
"And no more soaking me?" she retorted.
"Deal," he chuckled, extending his hand.
She took it, eyes narrowed slightly.
This wasn't like Levi. Would he usually apologise?
"Anyway... well, I heard about you and Lee."
Ah. So that's what this was about.
"I'm sorry," he said, and he sounded genuine.
Madeleine rolled her eyes. "What for?" she asked, for about the millionth time.
He shrugged. "No one deals with a break-up well."
She shook her head, looking at him suspiciously. "Levi, stop pretending. What's this about?"
He rolled his eyes, a flash of his usual self. "Fine. I felt guilty."
Madeleine sat back, satisfied. He was here to clear his conscience.
"You guys broke up the day after I did that... I really hope it didn't have anything to do with me."
Even Madeleine could tell he was being economical with the truth there.
"Well, it wasn't," she said, not too nicely.
He met her eyes. "So what was it?"
Nosy git, she thought, but she couldn't help but inwardly smile.
"It just... wasn't right," she answered, picking up her pen and fiddling it, avoiding his intent gaze. It was almost an automatic reaction now. So many people had asked her about it.
"How do you mean?"
Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she stared at the fountain pen in her hand.
"You can tell me," he prompted. "I meant what I said about starting again. I'd like to be friends, Madeleine. I know that you think you've lost a lot of friends."
She glanced up. "What?"
"It's obvious."
She blushed slightly.
"Tell me," he said gently. "I want to help."
"There's nothing to help," she muttered. "It just... it wasn't right. It wasn't stable."
He frowned at her. "What do you mean?"
She glared at him. "Just leave it."
There was a silence, and Madeleine stared into the fire again, but this time, her thoughts were preoccupied by Levi. Something was strange. He was different, he was -
"Madeleine," Levi said suddenly, his voice sounding strained. "There's something I ... well, I need to say to you."
She turned to face him silently. "Hmm?"
He was staring at his hand, clenched on the table. His white skin was stretched over his knuckles, and she could see the tendons in his hand moving a little. "Listen, Madeleine..." He suddenly looked up at her, alarming her with the intensity of his stare. "I know that you might not want to hear this now, but... well, I'm guessing that Lee did something to hurt you. And ... you should know where I stand."
What?!
For a brief second, Madeleine was sure that this was some sort of joke, all of it.
But after that second, all she got was uncertainty.
Levi raised his hand and traced her cheekbones gently with a finger. She would have slapped him away, but he'd been completely taken her by surprise. She was completely, and utterly frozen.
His hand cupped her cheek, and he suddenly leaned forward and put his lips to hers.
And she was still frozen. She didn't kiss him back, but she was too d*mn shocked, too confused to slap him, to push him away. All that was going through her head were things to the effect of what is this?! This isn't happening!
He moved back, keeping his hand on her cheek. "I can give you that stability, and I wouldn't hurt you," he murmured. "You don't have to say yes now, but think about it. Please."
And then, leaving Madeleine still frozen to the spot, he left.
It was creative writing - something she was usually good at. She loved writing stories, making up things about the lives of other people - people who didn't live the life she lived. Stories of outrageous battle, political dischord, stock market crashes, vampires and werewolves, forbidden love - she'd written them all. Her characters ranged from naïve, young children to sullen teenagers, to malevolent, confused adults. Anything went when it came to her writing.
But tonight, she had no inspiration. She'd started writing a story about six different stories, each time crossing the opening sentence out with an angry stroke of her fountain pen.
She wrote down another few words on the sheet in her pretty, flowing script, then scowled. No. It wasn't good.
She tore out the page and threw it into the blazing fire of the empty common room, then sat back and sighed.
No inspiration, and she knew why.
Things were going wrong.
She'd been so sure that ending it with Lee was the right hing to do... actually, no. That was a lie. She hadn't been sure. She just felt that she couldn't do it anymore, because she was so hurt, and stunned by what she'd seen.
Now, unsurprisingly, Lee had been avoiding her - she wasn't sure if it was active or passive, but she hadn't seen him since. Not only that, but Kira, someone who she would have counted as a close friend, was ignoring her. She'd expected it - she was Lee's cousin, after all - but she still couldn't say that she entirely deserved it. Maybe a little, but...
Oh, who was she kidding?
And the new accquaintances she'd made were also not speaking to her, but she would never have expected them to talk to her, not after she dumped their best friend.
And now, she felt alone.
She wasn't alone, she knew that. She just felt alone.
She knew she deserved it.
And more than that - her guilt was killing her, eating away at her soul like some flesh-eating disease, making it first turn black and rot away...
Why had she done it? Yes, she had seen him kiss Chloe - but she should have talked to him about it first, before doing anything rash. It had been a kneejerk reaction. And she knew that she shouldn't have done it. Because it had just ended in misery for the both of them...
Or had it? From what she'd heard, Lee wasn't exactly moping around. Not that she had expected him to - after all, he was free to go with Chloe now, wasn't he?
And the thought still made Madeleine feel physically sick.
She set down her pen, and gazed into the spitting, crackling orange flames, reminded of the campfire. That was the last night...
Stop that!
The sharp reprimand issued from her brain surprised her.
You're a Warrior. Stop wallowing in misery. It's over. It's done. Stop opening the wounds!
But it wasn't done.
Not entirely.
She didn't want it to be done.
Because she still felt for him. She still wanted to see him smile, to watch him laugh, to kiss him...
When was the last time they had kissed?
The question threw her. She couldn't remember. It had been that long ago.
No, she could. It was when they had made up. So long ago...
They hadn't kissed often, but it was so worth it. Each time it happened, it was like...
Stop.
She had to stop doing this to herself. It had been her decision to end it. Not his. She was the dumper, not the dumpee. It was a new experience completely. But she wasn't allowed to wallow in self-pity and misery. She had no right to be emo. None at all.
But it didn't stop her missing him.
Madeleine tore her eyes away from the fire and back to her notepad.
She put the pen to the paper, but she still couldn't get anything. She was comtemplating giving up and doing it tomorrow, when she felt a presence behind her.
She turned round.
It was Levi.
Feeling a slight sense of disappointment, she forced a smile. "You know, it's rude to sneak up on people."
He chuckled, pulling up a chair beside her. "What are you up to?"
She would normally be suspicious - but her brain was worn out tonight.
"This... eh... English. Thing."
He glanced at the page. "You've done loads."
She smiled grudgingly. "Sarcasm is the last resort of the mentally incoherent."
"I'm perfectly coherent," he grinned, obviously taken aback by her friendliness. "I just use sarcasm to hide my insecurities and inner pain."
She shook her head, suddenly aware of who she was talking to, then tuned out.
The flames crackled...
Levi frowned. "Madeleine, are you alright?"
Madeleine started. "Sorry, what?"
He smiled gently. "Off in a dreamworld?"
"You could say that," she muttered.
He raised an eyebrow. "Madeleine?"
"What?"
"You know that if there's something wrong, you can talk to me, right?" His voice was soft, concerned.
Wow. Levi was being nice. What was wrong?
Even though she guessed that he had an ulterior motive, Madeleine found herself warming to him at that.
"Thanks, but it's all fine," she said, smiling softly, glancing at the fire again, and setting down her pen.
"You sure?" he asked, looking at her.
"I'm sure," she lied. "Hey, how come you're being nice to me?"
He grinned sheepishly, and Madeleine couldn't help but notice how perfectly white and straight his teeth were.
"I feel really bad about what I did on Saturday night," he said, sheepishly. "I think we should sort of... restart things? We got off on the wrong foot."
"You're telling me," Madeleine said, with feeling.
He laughed. "So, no more using inanimate objects to attack me?"
"And no more soaking me?" she retorted.
"Deal," he chuckled, extending his hand.
She took it, eyes narrowed slightly.
This wasn't like Levi. Would he usually apologise?
"Anyway... well, I heard about you and Lee."
Ah. So that's what this was about.
"I'm sorry," he said, and he sounded genuine.
Madeleine rolled her eyes. "What for?" she asked, for about the millionth time.
He shrugged. "No one deals with a break-up well."
She shook her head, looking at him suspiciously. "Levi, stop pretending. What's this about?"
He rolled his eyes, a flash of his usual self. "Fine. I felt guilty."
Madeleine sat back, satisfied. He was here to clear his conscience.
"You guys broke up the day after I did that... I really hope it didn't have anything to do with me."
Even Madeleine could tell he was being economical with the truth there.
"Well, it wasn't," she said, not too nicely.
He met her eyes. "So what was it?"
Nosy git, she thought, but she couldn't help but inwardly smile.
"It just... wasn't right," she answered, picking up her pen and fiddling it, avoiding his intent gaze. It was almost an automatic reaction now. So many people had asked her about it.
"How do you mean?"
Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she stared at the fountain pen in her hand.
"You can tell me," he prompted. "I meant what I said about starting again. I'd like to be friends, Madeleine. I know that you think you've lost a lot of friends."
She glanced up. "What?"
"It's obvious."
She blushed slightly.
"Tell me," he said gently. "I want to help."
"There's nothing to help," she muttered. "It just... it wasn't right. It wasn't stable."
He frowned at her. "What do you mean?"
She glared at him. "Just leave it."
There was a silence, and Madeleine stared into the fire again, but this time, her thoughts were preoccupied by Levi. Something was strange. He was different, he was -
"Madeleine," Levi said suddenly, his voice sounding strained. "There's something I ... well, I need to say to you."
She turned to face him silently. "Hmm?"
He was staring at his hand, clenched on the table. His white skin was stretched over his knuckles, and she could see the tendons in his hand moving a little. "Listen, Madeleine..." He suddenly looked up at her, alarming her with the intensity of his stare. "I know that you might not want to hear this now, but... well, I'm guessing that Lee did something to hurt you. And ... you should know where I stand."
What?!
For a brief second, Madeleine was sure that this was some sort of joke, all of it.
But after that second, all she got was uncertainty.
Levi raised his hand and traced her cheekbones gently with a finger. She would have slapped him away, but he'd been completely taken her by surprise. She was completely, and utterly frozen.
His hand cupped her cheek, and he suddenly leaned forward and put his lips to hers.
And she was still frozen. She didn't kiss him back, but she was too d*mn shocked, too confused to slap him, to push him away. All that was going through her head were things to the effect of what is this?! This isn't happening!
He moved back, keeping his hand on her cheek. "I can give you that stability, and I wouldn't hurt you," he murmured. "You don't have to say yes now, but think about it. Please."
And then, leaving Madeleine still frozen to the spot, he left.
