Mr '. . .'

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Before she'd realised what she was doing, Madeleine's hand had smacked into the side of Lee's face.
Her voice was low, but dangerous and wild as she said, pleadingly. "Lee, stop, this - it's not, it's not funny!"
Only when he turned his head did she see - only then did she realise that his eyes weren't blue anymore.
They weren't his eyes. They were some shade of brown.
But Lee's eyes were blue... so cornflower blue...
And the world crashed.
"Oh, God, Lee," she breathed in a whisper. "I'm sorry. What...?"
No... no... please, God, no...

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Numbly, Lee raised his hand to his cheek, which was fiery red. Kira's breath was choked; it couldn't escape. She couldn't believe what Madeleine had done- but she couldn't blame her either. In fact, she half-hoped it would've knocked some sense into Lee. It would've knocked those awful brown eyes out of his head and when his sockets swivelled to face them once more, his own, wonderful blue eyes would be back, and staring at them.
But they weren't Lee's eyes. This wasn't Lee. This was a stranger.
Kira's cousin was gone.
"I'm sorry," the stranger said again, the imposter, the thief who used Lee like a puppet. "I really am. I... something happened to me. Professor Hoodham hasn't explained yet. I just know I've forgotten everyone."
Everyone?
Everything.
"I don't know what to do," he said helplessly, after a few quick minutes, and Kira felt a pang of pity for the poor stranger who sat before them.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

It was black.
The second that she had realised his eyes were no longer blue - blackness began. Sticky, treacly blackness. Pitch blackness. Dark, scary, horrible blackness.
Blackness that Madeleine was now about to drown in.
He'd gone.
No, he was still here - sort of. He was here, but he couldn't remember her.
He was still Lee, up to a point - but he wasn't her Lee.
Her Lee had been taken, stolen from her.
And like that, her light had gone.
And he was so... so helpless. She wanted to help him, needed to help him...
Oh, God, please... Shaun, please...
Make him be joking. Make him be fine.
But she knew that it wasn't a joke. He wasn't fine. He wasn't...
"I don't know what to do," he said, plaintively, helplessly, vulnerably.
She wouldn't cry, even though the tears were welling up. She wouldn't do that to him.
"It'll be... it'll be fine," she said quietly, aware that her voice was breaking.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Kira heard the quaver in Madeleine's voice, and it tore her in two. Her own tears began to well; the pressure building irrevocably now it had begun. She cleared her throat, reaching out gently for Madeleine's arm, and taking it.
The stranger seemed aware of the impact he'd had on Madeleine, and he turned away, as if in shame. He didn't look back at the two of them as they crossed the hospital wing, and the door slammed behind them.
Once outside, Kira sat Madeleine down on a bench, then sat herself down. The bell wasn't due to ring for another thirty minutes. So they had thirty minutes of tears ahead of them.
Great.
"Are you..." Kira could barely get the words out, and her voice seemed soft and shaky. "I mean- are you...?"
No, of course she wasn't. She was crying.
Madeleine was crying.
Madeleine never cried.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Shamefully, she hadn't been able to stop the tears.
As Kira had led her out of the room, she'd been in a daze, lost in a fierce storm of blackness, tears, and the blue eyes that she needed to see.
Kira had sat her down on a bench, before sitting down herself, and then - Madeleine let the tears flow.
Why was she crying?
She never cried.
Even when her grandparents had died, when she found out that she herself had died, when she watched others die on the field -when Shaun had died, she hadn't cried. Not once.
She hadn't realised that tears stang so much. The salt, tart sting of them was almost painful. They burned on her eyelids, leaving warm silver trails down her cheeks.
Kira was saying something to her, but she couldn't hear the words.
Come on, Maddie, you're stronger than this.
Why was she crying?
He hadn't died; he was still here.
But in a way, this was worse. Because, if he was dead, he wouldn't be able to look at her and not recognise her.
She wiped her eyes with the wrist of her jumper, glancing across at Kira. "Are... are you okay?

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Yeah, that.
Kira's own crystal tears slid down her cheeks; surprisingly quick now that they'd started. "No. Of course not. It's Lee."
She didn't understand any of this. She'd heard what he'd said to her that day but... now it didn't feel real. She'd known something was wrong. Could it be this is what he was referring to? And the nightmares... yes, Lee was on the edge of sanity. Why hadn't any of them... well... done something more? Those old blue eyes were so far away, and she couldn't stand it. Stupid, stupid blue eyes. Her blue eyes. Their single, defining Norris characteristic- the very thing that'd made them seem like twins as kids; the very thing that had made them stand out.
Them and their big, blue eyes.
Lee's blue eyes were gone...
And replaced with stupid dirt. Stupid, muddy, murky dirt which she hated. She wanted to knock them out, rip them out, just get rid of them and this new, horrible stranger. She hated the boy who sat on the other side of these doors- hated him so goddam much it hurt. And it hurt so much it was making her cry.
It was making them cry.
"D'you think it's... permanent?" Oh, god. Fear pricked her eyes like needles; the tears leaking further. A horrible, shuddering gasp rattled her ribs as she tried to breathe, and to suppress her sobs.
It wasn't working.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Permanent?
Her voice was soft; broken. "It can't be."
It can't be.
God wasn't that cruel.
Shaun would never let this happen to her.
The thought of Lee never being able to remember her... losing him. Losing him, his touch, his kiss, his smile, his laugh...
Would she ever have those things again?
Why had this happened? The nightmares ... they had to have been magically induced. Had someone - had Marius - done this to Lee?
"No," she whispered softly.
It was just a day thing. He'd wake up in the morning and be fine. He would. And if he didn't, she'd find a way to make him better. She'd do anything.
There would be a way.
There had to be.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

But what if...?
Madeleine had faith, didn't she? What good was faith if all it did was give you blind hope? Kira wasn't saying that Lee's memory returning was blind hope. God, no. There was a chance of everything and anything. There was a chance for miracles. But... for every miracle, there was a shadow.
For every miracle, there was doubt.
And doubt clawed at Kira's insides, scooping them out swiftly and easily, digging a little black hole where it could sleep, rest and spawn. There it would grow, morph, until it overcame her, and killed the last, shining dove of hope that still nestled in her heart. She could see it now, its dark claws reaching upwards as they caught the bird in its sticky, treacle trap. No matter how the bird fought, it never could quite fly free, until... eventually... it sunk into the creature's dark belly and was no more...
"How did this happen?" she whispered finally, the strange, shudderingly painful gasps still rocking her body; like breathless hiccups they pinched her lungs devoid of air. But she wouldn't stop them- or else risk crying full flow.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

At Kira's words, Madeleine's eyes started to overflow again.
How did this happen?
Why... who... how?
Lee...
She wiped the tears away angrily, feeling her chest heave and her shoulders move upwards. Her heart felt like... like it had been clawn out of her body. Like her chest had been cut open with a blunt scalpel, and her ribs broken apart. Like her heart had been torn out by sharp, terrible claws. Like it had been torn apart and scattered all over the ground.
And the little pieces still hurt.
Hurt like hell.
Her breath was coming like her words, harsh and ragged - and shallow. What words could she say that could sum this up?
If only words could make this better.
Suddenly, her stomach turned over, and she felt an overwhelming temptation to retch. As though she was going to be sick.
She leant forward, resting her head on her hands. "Oh... oh God, Kira," she moaned.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Stupid, silly, girly breaths. Stupid, silly, girly gasps. They wouldn't stop coming. It was like she was having a fit, or something. Her insides were trembling; but her body felt like rock. She could hear Madeleine's voice; see Madeleine's weakness; cut bare and open and begging for help.
For her help...?
"Oh... oh god, Kira."
But what was she supposed to do...?
Comfort her.
Do that.
Do that.
Empty, useless words sat at the tip of Kira's tongue. But she didn't believe them, and so couldn't force them out. Several more stupid breaths rocked her. Then she tried to calm herself; to inhale and exhale more easily, and steadily, but it only served to intensify the gasps. Kira coughed on purpose, trying to clear those dark, swirling thoughts that still blurred her vision with their tears.
"Madeleine, it's bound to be okay," she said blankly. "I mean... it's still Lee. Sure he doesn't... doesn't remember. But... we can help him. And tell him. And remind him of what... of what you meant to him..." She trailed off and tried to gulp. "I'm so sorry for what I did."
But it was an empty apology. It meant nothing. Kira was horribly aware of just how dry, and dead those words were.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

"It doesn't matter," Madeleine whispered, feeling her tears threatening to pull her under.
The tears were burning, awfully. And Kira was there, crying, sinking into her tears - and trying to comfort her.
She shouldn't have to be, Madeleine thought, feeling guilt add to her already overloaded heart.
Then, something that Kira said hit her.
"And remind him of what... of what you meant to him..."
No.
She couldn't... she couldn't do that. He'd only hurt more - she'd heard his voice. He was so lost, so helpless... and the look of guilt when he'd realised Kira was his cousin...
She wasn't going to give him another reason to feel guilty.
And if that meant living without him for a while...
Well, up until that thought, she hadn't realise that it was possible to feel that empty. Lifeless. Limp.
Dying.
"No," she said, shaking her head madly, feeling her empty head spin. "We can't... I can't do that to him."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Kira tilted her head backwards, her mouth opening and closing like a drowning fish. Drowning. A stereotypical piece of trash- a crap metaphor if any- but the only one she could think of. Drowning. Can't drown. Gotta' fight the current. Because... because what did her dad always say?
"There's a pride to be found in not breaking down."
So suck it up. Suppress it. Be Lee. Think like Lee. Think calmly, and logically, and don't drown. Wrap it up tight; fold it into a little cube and store it at the back of your mind. When the time is right, you can let it out. But not now.
The gasps were beginning to subside, the final tears dripping off her face and drying.
Suck it up. Suppress it. That's it.
It's easy with practice.
"What do you mean we can't do that to him?" Kira said finally, her aching ribs finally beginning to relax slightly. "Do what? Tell him the truth? Why shouldn't he know about you two?"
Surely... surely that was how to get Lee back? Surely that was how to stop him being a stranger?

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine shook her head, feeling her breath come in a ragged rush at the movement.
"N... no, I can't..."
Her breaths didn't seem to be taking any oxygen at all.
Was this what sucking wind felt like?
"I can't... do... I can't do that to him," she said desperately. "I don't .. I don't want him to feel... to feel guilty about it."
With each word, she seemed to be sinking down ever further into the darkness that was slowly enveloping her.
Stop this, Maddie.
The word sent a silent howl of pain running through her.
Because they were both gone.
She tried to gather up her mind to try and battle the pain, to win like she had done so many times before. To conquer the blackness... or, if that failed, just to hide it.
Stop crying, Madeleine.
Stop.
But it wasn't working. Never before had she...
Never before had she hurt this much.
Never had she felt this... this empty.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

"No, but..." Kira trailed off, confused. "You have to, don't you?"
What was going on? Kira's cube threatened to split open and bleed. The sight of Madeleine, head bent and wretched-looking... yes, wretched. She'd never have expected it. But what did she expect? An endless well of strength? All of Kira's past thoughts- her doubts and fears about Madeleine and Lee... it was all so trivial.
How could she have doubted the slowing withering wreck before her?
How could she have been so stupid?
"No, you're telling him," Kira insisted, some strength finally fighting its way into her voice. "Madeleine, you have to tell him."

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

She just shook her head - she didn't trust herself to speak.
But she knew that she couldn't do that to Lee. She knew that he would only feel guilty about forgetting something like that, when it wasn't his fault - he may not be her Lee anymore... but he was still Lee.
She didn't want to make him bond with anyone other than his family, she didn't want him to hurt - but she'd still be there for him, just not as someone that he loved. Just a girlfriend.
It would hurt ... God, so much, but it would be selfish not to.
I'll tear myself away if that is what you need...
It would be selfish.
It wouldn't stop the hole in her now, it wouldn't stop the emotion bleeding from it, but she'd be happier if he was happy.
That was all that mattered.
"I don't want... I don't want to make this harder than it already is for him, Kira," she said slowly, wiping her eyes on her wrist again. "I can't... I can't, I can't do that."