Post by Jude Dorrian on Oct 26, 2007 20:58:32 GMT
Recently, Jude had started reading a book called Catch-22. It was another one of those classic 20th century novels. He rarely went a month without picking up Catcher in the Rye. He was told that this book was good- if not better. The first chapter had been called 'The Texan'. Better yet, the first words had been 'it was love at first sight'. So... to second-guess the book based on these things, and everything anyone would tell him... the story was gonna be about war and sex.
Yep, this was gonna be a good book.
In exchange for him picking up a new book, Tameron had relented, and grudgingly started into Wuthering Heights. Inevitably, she was now claiming her undying love for the dark, evil Heathcliff- a strange person to claim undying love for, by all means- and wished that Cathy would stop being so unrelentlessly idiotic because Heathcliff 'deserved better'.
Jude liked to think each was the other's doom, mainly because it sounded good.
He may need to read that book again... though he'd never hear the end of it from the guys in his dorm.
Aah, love. Bloody demon that it was. One conversation can do it- one look- one smile; the strangest things could unleash it from its cage. He also knew that half the time, it was unrequeted. And the other half of the time, when the love was mutual, it often turned bitter. People got scared and people ran. It was funny- people were happily going crazy to fall in love, and once they were there...
Jude believed in love though. He always he had to remind himself of that. He believed there was good in it. He believed that love made all that other crud worth it.
That was the point.
"Hey, Lee."
His friend didn't even spare him a glance. Jude stood beside him, watching as Lee's fingers tightened around Madeleine's. Jude's eyes flickered to her instead. She looked just like that fairytale princess- snow white skin, blood red lips and raven black hair. Or, at least, her lips had been ruby red. Now they were pale and cold. This was how he'd imagined Snow White to look whenever she'd eaten the apple.
The only part missing was... the coffin.
Jude dragged up a chair beside Lee, sighing as he sank down into it.
Four days had passed, and not a word had left Lee's lips. Ever since the battle, seventeen people had been laid to rest, including Anton Gordon, the Head of the Carers' boyfriend, and the rumours had not stopped circulating that by the end of the week, eighteen would be in their graves.
Madeleine was dying, or so they said.
"Lee," Jude repeated, reaching out and shaking his friend's shoulder.
It was as though he'd just recieved an electric shock. Lee jumped about a foot in the air, turning wildly to face Jude, his mouth open in shock. Jude studied him cautiously. Lee looked... terrible. Deep purple pools swam beneath his bloodshot blue eyes; his complexion was haggard and pale; his face looked... worn, as though he'd aged about fifty years; and his hair had a strangely unkempt look, as though it'd been run through a couple of times by a pair of hands. A permanent slump came as a token with Lee's posture, and he didn't smile anymore. A permanent frown was etched into his face, as though carved in stone. And ever since the rumours had begun firing around, his condition had only worsened. The light in his blue eyes was dwindling.
His hope was dying with her.
"Hey, Jude."
"Don't be afraid," Jude sang automatically. "You were made toooo go out and get heeeer..."
"Oh for god's sake would you give over?"
Jude's shock must've shown on his face. The venom with which Lee had spat those words out was... horrible. It wasn't like him. It felt... vicious.
"Sorry, I'll keep quiet next time," he muttered, recovering himself with good grace.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Lee wasn't even looking at him as he said that. His friend's fingers were shaking, stroking hers automatically and awkwardly. He was really on edge. And apparently, he wasn't in the mood for a conversation.
But Jude was gonna have to try anyway.
"Straight to it?"
"Straight to it," Lee echoed dully.
Jude sighed. "We're worried about you."
"Who's we?"
"Us!" cried Jude. "Your friends! Me, Kira, Ellie, Brian, Mike, Jack- even Chloe."
"She dumped me."
"I know she dumped you," Jude said sourly. "Doesn't mean she stopped caring."
"Well, she bloody should've," Lee growled, his voice low and hoarse. "You all should just stop freaking out. I'm fine. I'm not the one who you should be worried about."
"Have you seen yourself?" Jude gritted his teeth. Lee was being stubborn. Exactly what him and Kira had been afraid of. "You're a mess. You can't... sink down like you are. You can't give up like this."
"I haven't given up anything."
"I don't think you catch my meaning- "
"Well done."
"Lee," breathed Jude, clenching his jaw. "Lee, would you look at me?"
Slowly, robotically, his friend turned his head and watched Jude through narrowed eyes. But they weren't angry. Not even in the slightest. They were hurt; painful; a bold blue storm brewing within- of fire, ice, hate and hell.
They chilled him.
"Lee," Jude repeated his name, steadying himself. "Lee, just answer me honestly- if Madeleine dies, are you gonna hole yourself up inside her coffin and forget about all of us?"
Lee flinched as though Jude had hit him. "Don't be stupid. I couldn't do that. I'd look crazy."
"That wasn't exactly what I was hoping to hear."
"Alright, let me try again," Lee said sarcastically, but his voice was thick with pain. "Of course not, Jude! I wuv you guys- and I'd never, ever, ever do that to any of you!"
Jude bit his lip. "I-"
"My turn," Lee said, straightening up and dropping Madeleine's hand to cross his arms. "How do you feel about Ailith?"
Jude's heart skipped a beat. He hadn't been expecting that. "What?"
"Ailith- blond, small, quite pretty- go on, Jude, how do you feel about her?"
"I... I don't know."
Lee snorted. "Have you asked her out yet?"
Jude blushed in spite of himself. "Yes. Sort of. It was weird."
"And what'd she say?"
"She said yes."
"Cool, congratulations!"
"I guess..." Jude frowned at him. "Why does that matter?"
Lee gave him a crooked smile that didn't quite calm the blue storm. "Maybe it doesn't seem like all that important now... but it will be. You'll see. One day, it'll be one of the greatest moments of your life."
Jude found himself smiling back. "Think so? That's pushing it a bit, isn't it?"
"You're gonna be great," Lee said, strangely sadly. "The both of you- you're gonna be something else. You're gonna be... the greatest thing since sliced bread."
"That great?"
"I promise you. That great."
Jude was still beaming, and he'd no idea why. "I... thanks. That actually means a lot."
Lee sighed, looking back to Madeleine, and his hand snaked out to hers again. There was a moment's pause, when Jude was running over what he could say next. He'd gotten a bit side-tracked now; selfishly so. Ailith's face kept popping up in his mind's eye.
"Her condition's worsening."
Jude jumped, looking at Lee. His face was a mask; but the thunder clouds were darkening. He sighed. "God. Sorry."
Lee nodded. "Yeah... I guess I didn't think it would happen is all. Nurse Gornray always said there was a chance she'd... get worse. But I never thought it would happen. It's Madeleine, y'know? She's a fighter. She's a Warrior."
"I know," said Jude softly, waiting.
Lee groaned suddenly, kneading his temples with the knuckles of his free hand. "God, oh god. They told me I'd saved her life- and I believed them! Nurse Gornray told me she can hear us; and I talked to her too. But I'm beginning to think she was lying. If Madeleine could hear me, she would've woken up when I asked her to. She would've smiled at me when I... when I wanted..."
Jude's eyes swept Madeleine's figure. A coffin would really be an appropriate setting for her limp figure. The only sign of life was the steady beep of the heart moniter.
And the moment that line went dead...
"I just kept thinking about what could've been," Lee sighed. "Like... we all have plans for the future, don't we? I never asked what her's were. I was stupid. I don't know... I feel like I don't know anything. Not her mum- her dad- nothing about her past. Nothing about her hopes, or her dreams. I wanna know them. I want to so much it hurts. Right here," he raised his fist and patted his chest, "like- just in the middle there. It's all, twisted up and scary. I don't think I've ever been so d**n scared in my life."
"You're giving up hope, Lee," muttered Jude, almost sheepishly.
"There is no hope!" spat Lee, slamming his fist against her bed. "Look at her! Can you see any hope, Jude?"
"I-"
"No! Take a sad song? Make it better? Do it then, if you're so great. Make her better."
Jude found himself completely lost for words.
Lee smiled savagely, nodding to himself. "Yeah... yeah you can't. You're no miracle-worker- if only! I just..." The smile vanished. "I want her to wake up."
"I know..." Jude began, but was cut short suddenly.
"No! You don't. You don't know what I want!" Lee rounded on him, shaking wildly. "You don't... get it! I want... Madeleine's eyes to open and to see her smile. I want her to never have to fight again- to leave the school and never come back to this hell. I want her to... to meet her soulmate and marry him; I want her to be successful in her job and her life; I want her to... to grow old with that guy, and to have about fifty grandkids, all running about and making her happy. I want her to die an old woman- content and warm in her bed. I want her to die in the knowledge that's she's had a long, full, rich life, and that she's had everything she ever wanted." Lee's voice dropped an octave, and he seemed to shiver. "I want this stupid war never to touch her again. I want her to be happy. Is that so much to ask?"
Jude found he was shaking too; halfway between fear and hurt. Or something else. God, it hurt bad. Jude had never seen... no, he had. The wild look in Lee's eyes; the terror and fear of all he knew the world stood to lose in Madeleine's death- he'd never seen anyone look so much like his father. The one difference was that Lee's storm- the hope and the fear ensnared in a lightning bolt- was still fresh, and alive. His father's had died out eventually. It'd died with Delilah.
An echo of what he already knew- Lee was dying with Madeleine.
Love- this was it. Right here, right now. Lee loved her so d**n much he didn't care if he was thanked for his constant comatose companionship- he didn't care if Madeleine gave him the cold shoulder for the rest of their lives. All that mattered was that Madeleine was happy. That Madeleine was just... okay.
And something about that love was tearing Jude up inside.
It was painful to watch Lee do this to himself.
"Lee, come with me," Jude said softly, carefully. "We can go and meet up with Kira. She'll be pleased to see you. She's been worried about Deron- maybe you could-?"
"No."
Jude gulped. "Lee, you have to come. You have to get out of this hospital wing."
"It won't make me feel any better."
"You don't know that," tried Jude desperately. Pointlessly. Lee wasn't going to budge.
"I can't leave her," Lee muttered, his grip tightening around Madeleine's. "I can't... I just can't, okay?"
"Lee-"
"Don't stay here. I'm a useless case. I'm done for. Go to Ailith. Be with her. Be great. Can't let me break my promise, can you?"
"Please, Lee."
Lee smiled, and for a second- one, terrible second- the storm did die, and his eyes glazed over. "Fall in love, Jude. Fall in love, and be stupid, and crazy and completely ga-ga. Be thick, Jude, and let her into your heart. Ha! The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better."
Jude straightened up, dragging the chair he'd been using across to the bed beside them. He came back to stand beside Lee, waiting for something to happen. Anything. But nothing changed. Love has a funny hold on people. It doesn't like to let you go- malicious, vindictive cow that it is. Lee had been captured, but what got to Jude was that he wasn't fighting it.
He was letting love consume- and inevitably- kill him.
And the worst part was, Jude couldn't do a d**n thing about it.
Yep, this was gonna be a good book.
In exchange for him picking up a new book, Tameron had relented, and grudgingly started into Wuthering Heights. Inevitably, she was now claiming her undying love for the dark, evil Heathcliff- a strange person to claim undying love for, by all means- and wished that Cathy would stop being so unrelentlessly idiotic because Heathcliff 'deserved better'.
Jude liked to think each was the other's doom, mainly because it sounded good.
He may need to read that book again... though he'd never hear the end of it from the guys in his dorm.
Aah, love. Bloody demon that it was. One conversation can do it- one look- one smile; the strangest things could unleash it from its cage. He also knew that half the time, it was unrequeted. And the other half of the time, when the love was mutual, it often turned bitter. People got scared and people ran. It was funny- people were happily going crazy to fall in love, and once they were there...
Jude believed in love though. He always he had to remind himself of that. He believed there was good in it. He believed that love made all that other crud worth it.
That was the point.
"Hey, Lee."
His friend didn't even spare him a glance. Jude stood beside him, watching as Lee's fingers tightened around Madeleine's. Jude's eyes flickered to her instead. She looked just like that fairytale princess- snow white skin, blood red lips and raven black hair. Or, at least, her lips had been ruby red. Now they were pale and cold. This was how he'd imagined Snow White to look whenever she'd eaten the apple.
The only part missing was... the coffin.
Jude dragged up a chair beside Lee, sighing as he sank down into it.
Four days had passed, and not a word had left Lee's lips. Ever since the battle, seventeen people had been laid to rest, including Anton Gordon, the Head of the Carers' boyfriend, and the rumours had not stopped circulating that by the end of the week, eighteen would be in their graves.
Madeleine was dying, or so they said.
"Lee," Jude repeated, reaching out and shaking his friend's shoulder.
It was as though he'd just recieved an electric shock. Lee jumped about a foot in the air, turning wildly to face Jude, his mouth open in shock. Jude studied him cautiously. Lee looked... terrible. Deep purple pools swam beneath his bloodshot blue eyes; his complexion was haggard and pale; his face looked... worn, as though he'd aged about fifty years; and his hair had a strangely unkempt look, as though it'd been run through a couple of times by a pair of hands. A permanent slump came as a token with Lee's posture, and he didn't smile anymore. A permanent frown was etched into his face, as though carved in stone. And ever since the rumours had begun firing around, his condition had only worsened. The light in his blue eyes was dwindling.
His hope was dying with her.
"Hey, Jude."
"Don't be afraid," Jude sang automatically. "You were made toooo go out and get heeeer..."
"Oh for god's sake would you give over?"
Jude's shock must've shown on his face. The venom with which Lee had spat those words out was... horrible. It wasn't like him. It felt... vicious.
"Sorry, I'll keep quiet next time," he muttered, recovering himself with good grace.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Lee wasn't even looking at him as he said that. His friend's fingers were shaking, stroking hers automatically and awkwardly. He was really on edge. And apparently, he wasn't in the mood for a conversation.
But Jude was gonna have to try anyway.
"Straight to it?"
"Straight to it," Lee echoed dully.
Jude sighed. "We're worried about you."
"Who's we?"
"Us!" cried Jude. "Your friends! Me, Kira, Ellie, Brian, Mike, Jack- even Chloe."
"She dumped me."
"I know she dumped you," Jude said sourly. "Doesn't mean she stopped caring."
"Well, she bloody should've," Lee growled, his voice low and hoarse. "You all should just stop freaking out. I'm fine. I'm not the one who you should be worried about."
"Have you seen yourself?" Jude gritted his teeth. Lee was being stubborn. Exactly what him and Kira had been afraid of. "You're a mess. You can't... sink down like you are. You can't give up like this."
"I haven't given up anything."
"I don't think you catch my meaning- "
"Well done."
"Lee," breathed Jude, clenching his jaw. "Lee, would you look at me?"
Slowly, robotically, his friend turned his head and watched Jude through narrowed eyes. But they weren't angry. Not even in the slightest. They were hurt; painful; a bold blue storm brewing within- of fire, ice, hate and hell.
They chilled him.
"Lee," Jude repeated his name, steadying himself. "Lee, just answer me honestly- if Madeleine dies, are you gonna hole yourself up inside her coffin and forget about all of us?"
Lee flinched as though Jude had hit him. "Don't be stupid. I couldn't do that. I'd look crazy."
"That wasn't exactly what I was hoping to hear."
"Alright, let me try again," Lee said sarcastically, but his voice was thick with pain. "Of course not, Jude! I wuv you guys- and I'd never, ever, ever do that to any of you!"
Jude bit his lip. "I-"
"My turn," Lee said, straightening up and dropping Madeleine's hand to cross his arms. "How do you feel about Ailith?"
Jude's heart skipped a beat. He hadn't been expecting that. "What?"
"Ailith- blond, small, quite pretty- go on, Jude, how do you feel about her?"
"I... I don't know."
Lee snorted. "Have you asked her out yet?"
Jude blushed in spite of himself. "Yes. Sort of. It was weird."
"And what'd she say?"
"She said yes."
"Cool, congratulations!"
"I guess..." Jude frowned at him. "Why does that matter?"
Lee gave him a crooked smile that didn't quite calm the blue storm. "Maybe it doesn't seem like all that important now... but it will be. You'll see. One day, it'll be one of the greatest moments of your life."
Jude found himself smiling back. "Think so? That's pushing it a bit, isn't it?"
"You're gonna be great," Lee said, strangely sadly. "The both of you- you're gonna be something else. You're gonna be... the greatest thing since sliced bread."
"That great?"
"I promise you. That great."
Jude was still beaming, and he'd no idea why. "I... thanks. That actually means a lot."
Lee sighed, looking back to Madeleine, and his hand snaked out to hers again. There was a moment's pause, when Jude was running over what he could say next. He'd gotten a bit side-tracked now; selfishly so. Ailith's face kept popping up in his mind's eye.
"Her condition's worsening."
Jude jumped, looking at Lee. His face was a mask; but the thunder clouds were darkening. He sighed. "God. Sorry."
Lee nodded. "Yeah... I guess I didn't think it would happen is all. Nurse Gornray always said there was a chance she'd... get worse. But I never thought it would happen. It's Madeleine, y'know? She's a fighter. She's a Warrior."
"I know," said Jude softly, waiting.
Lee groaned suddenly, kneading his temples with the knuckles of his free hand. "God, oh god. They told me I'd saved her life- and I believed them! Nurse Gornray told me she can hear us; and I talked to her too. But I'm beginning to think she was lying. If Madeleine could hear me, she would've woken up when I asked her to. She would've smiled at me when I... when I wanted..."
Jude's eyes swept Madeleine's figure. A coffin would really be an appropriate setting for her limp figure. The only sign of life was the steady beep of the heart moniter.
And the moment that line went dead...
"I just kept thinking about what could've been," Lee sighed. "Like... we all have plans for the future, don't we? I never asked what her's were. I was stupid. I don't know... I feel like I don't know anything. Not her mum- her dad- nothing about her past. Nothing about her hopes, or her dreams. I wanna know them. I want to so much it hurts. Right here," he raised his fist and patted his chest, "like- just in the middle there. It's all, twisted up and scary. I don't think I've ever been so d**n scared in my life."
"You're giving up hope, Lee," muttered Jude, almost sheepishly.
"There is no hope!" spat Lee, slamming his fist against her bed. "Look at her! Can you see any hope, Jude?"
"I-"
"No! Take a sad song? Make it better? Do it then, if you're so great. Make her better."
Jude found himself completely lost for words.
Lee smiled savagely, nodding to himself. "Yeah... yeah you can't. You're no miracle-worker- if only! I just..." The smile vanished. "I want her to wake up."
"I know..." Jude began, but was cut short suddenly.
"No! You don't. You don't know what I want!" Lee rounded on him, shaking wildly. "You don't... get it! I want... Madeleine's eyes to open and to see her smile. I want her to never have to fight again- to leave the school and never come back to this hell. I want her to... to meet her soulmate and marry him; I want her to be successful in her job and her life; I want her to... to grow old with that guy, and to have about fifty grandkids, all running about and making her happy. I want her to die an old woman- content and warm in her bed. I want her to die in the knowledge that's she's had a long, full, rich life, and that she's had everything she ever wanted." Lee's voice dropped an octave, and he seemed to shiver. "I want this stupid war never to touch her again. I want her to be happy. Is that so much to ask?"
Jude found he was shaking too; halfway between fear and hurt. Or something else. God, it hurt bad. Jude had never seen... no, he had. The wild look in Lee's eyes; the terror and fear of all he knew the world stood to lose in Madeleine's death- he'd never seen anyone look so much like his father. The one difference was that Lee's storm- the hope and the fear ensnared in a lightning bolt- was still fresh, and alive. His father's had died out eventually. It'd died with Delilah.
An echo of what he already knew- Lee was dying with Madeleine.
Love- this was it. Right here, right now. Lee loved her so d**n much he didn't care if he was thanked for his constant comatose companionship- he didn't care if Madeleine gave him the cold shoulder for the rest of their lives. All that mattered was that Madeleine was happy. That Madeleine was just... okay.
And something about that love was tearing Jude up inside.
It was painful to watch Lee do this to himself.
"Lee, come with me," Jude said softly, carefully. "We can go and meet up with Kira. She'll be pleased to see you. She's been worried about Deron- maybe you could-?"
"No."
Jude gulped. "Lee, you have to come. You have to get out of this hospital wing."
"It won't make me feel any better."
"You don't know that," tried Jude desperately. Pointlessly. Lee wasn't going to budge.
"I can't leave her," Lee muttered, his grip tightening around Madeleine's. "I can't... I just can't, okay?"
"Lee-"
"Don't stay here. I'm a useless case. I'm done for. Go to Ailith. Be with her. Be great. Can't let me break my promise, can you?"
"Please, Lee."
Lee smiled, and for a second- one, terrible second- the storm did die, and his eyes glazed over. "Fall in love, Jude. Fall in love, and be stupid, and crazy and completely ga-ga. Be thick, Jude, and let her into your heart. Ha! The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better."
Jude straightened up, dragging the chair he'd been using across to the bed beside them. He came back to stand beside Lee, waiting for something to happen. Anything. But nothing changed. Love has a funny hold on people. It doesn't like to let you go- malicious, vindictive cow that it is. Lee had been captured, but what got to Jude was that he wasn't fighting it.
He was letting love consume- and inevitably- kill him.
And the worst part was, Jude couldn't do a d**n thing about it.
