Vanilla

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Kira's small tongue had been experimentally probing the ice cream cone for the past few minutes; causing the pale beige hill to grow to a pointed, ragged peak. She was waiting for Arihant to speak first; and at the same time, gathering her thoughts.
His question- when it finally came- surprised her. She'd been too focused on her ice-cream, and what exactly she would do when he first spoke, rather than the actual doing of it.
She was also dimly aware of the woman behind the till looking up curiously.
Well, she'd have to do her best to just ignore her.
Kira carefully bit the top of the moutain of; and its snowy peak numbed her teeth and tongue. Carefully, she let it rest in her mouth for a few seconds, before her warmth melted it. Looking up at Arihant- though his eyes did not meet hers- she swallowed.
Well, there wasn't any better justification in what she was doing than this:
"Arihant, I meant what I said while we were outside," she said softly, but definitely. "I do... want you to stay. And I think you want to stay to, don't you?"
Her eyes tried their best to catch his, but they seemed to be avoiding her.

[Arihant]

"Yes."
The word escaped him before he could stop it.
He glanced at her briefly, hoping she hadn't heard it - it hadn't been very loud, barely a whisper - but he could tell just by looking that she had.
Brilliant. That lapse meant that he was going to have to explain this.
Whatever the hell this was. He didn't even know.
"I... This place..."
He went on, his voice carefully modulated into monotony.
"I've never seen a place like Orchid before. I hadn't even seen magic until a couple of weeks ago. And now I have... Now that I've... I don't want to go, you're right.
"But... it just doesn't fit." He swallowed. How could he possibly explain this? It made sense, he knew it made sense, but it wasn't so much a fact that he had to leave...
That was kind of a hard thought to register, but it was true. The only reason he felt like he had to go was... because he knew he had to.
Why did he think he knew that?
The next words were as much to convince himself as to convince her. "None of my relatives had powers, and... Let's face it, what powers do I have? I've been custom-designed to be some kind of..."
Monster. Of course. That was always what it came down to. But that didn't mean he was going to say it out loud.
"I know... what kind of reputation Orchid has. I heard some people talking about it. That they don't refuse anyone, that they... they're like some place for magical strays. I know that that's why they... why Nurse Gornray said I could stay, but..."
He closed his eyes.
"If this place is like that, like some sort of haven, I can't stay. I'll ruin it. I know I will.
"And... if you don't want me to leave..."
He looked at her.
"I'm sorry. I really am, and if it helps - if it were the other way around - I wouldn't want you to leave either, but... but I have to, see? I don't know what else to do."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Testily, Kira bit deeper into her man-made mountain, her teeth crying out in pain at the icy jaggedness. Swallowing quickly, Kira found his dark eyes finally looking back at her again. The temptation to do the easy thing, and simply hypnotize him, was suddenly so strong it alarmed her, but she pushed the urge back with all her might.
She'd be d@mned before she sank that low.
"Arihant..." she said slowly, "do you really mean that?"
As she asked the question, her heart gave a sudden, unexpected flutter. It seemed pretty selfish, to have that reaction to that question, but even so Kira felt her free fist clench beneath the desk. Suddenly, the subject of the conversation seemed to be her, rather than him.
But she wanted to know if he...
Or something.
There was a pause, which Kira thought best to fill by clarifying her question.
"That if... if I had your powers... you'd still want me to stay, and want me to... get help at Orchid."
She knew she wanted him to say yes, for the sake of her argument... but she guessed that wasn't the only reason why.
"Do you?" she prompted, after a short silence.

[Arihant]

That wasn't fair. That really wasn't fair. It... God. That was probably the last thing he'd been expecting her to say...
And... well, he didn't know. He felt like she'd crossed some sort of barrier. Like that was something that she shouldn't have... shouldn't have acknowledged. He was having a hard enough time refusing to acknowledge it himself, without her making him feel some ridiculous sensation, something like...
Well. He didn't know. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about it, anyway. Dammit. How could he answer her if he didn't even know what he was thinking?
"If you had my power..." he said slowly. It didn't even feel right to think about it. He didn't like thinking about Kira with this... his power. His curse. It wasn't a fate he'd have inflicted on his worst enemies, let alone...
Let alone whatever Kira was.
"I..." He bit his lip before a torrent of words rushed out. "I would want you to get help, yes. Of course I'd want you to. But... but that's different. I know it doesn't make sense, but it is. Everything's different when it's hypothetical."
He sighed, and gave up trying to be gentle.
"The fact of the matter is that if I stay here, no matter how careful I am, there is always a risk that someone could end up dead and I don't think I'm willing to forfeit someone else's life for... for me."
He looked down at his ice cream for a second, then sighed again. Why did this have to be so d@mn complicated? This was what he got for making friends, he guessed, this was what he got for making it... so that Kira didn't want him to go. He was weak. That was always his problem. A fate like his needed someone strong... someone who would be able to do what was necessary for the greater good and not think about the side effects...
But the person that Arihant was couldn't think of Kira as a side effect. It was weakness, he knew, but that was...
He couldn't do it any other way.
"But then... I guess that's still not answering your question. I would feel differently if it... if it wasn't me we were talking about, but..."
He clenched his free fist.
"God, I don't know what to do," he muttered, a little angrily. "What would you do, Kira, if you were me? If you... if you knew that doing what would make you happy could... if you knew what it could end up doing. How could you justify that?"

[Kira & Lee Norris]

She couldn't avoid a question like that.
Swallowing, Kira leaned forward, trying with some difficulty to figure out how to express herself. "If... I did do it, then no, you're right, I could never justify it to myself."
It felt like she was admitting defeat- which of course, she wasn't. No. It took more than that to have Kira Norris admit defeat.
That meant there was a, "but".
"But... you can't live a life of solitude. You can't stay away forever. That's no good."
Her eyes drifted across the room, but the woman had gone into the back of the shop, or something, apparently realising that neither Arihant, nor Kira, were going to buy anything more. Perhaps, Kira considered, her morals had gotten the better of her. She liked to think that the woman chose not to eavesdrop on them from the good of her heart.
She wasn't... explaining herself properly. She sighed, looking wistfully at the gloved hands that held the vanilla cone steady. A sudden, maddening urge to take those hands in her own rushed through her, and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks.
She had to explain herself.
"You can't... punish yourself for an accident."
That's all it was, after all. An accident. That made nothing better, but still... it was... an accident. That's all it would be. Could be. And Kira could so easily forgive him any accident.
Arihant's problem was that he couldn't forgive himself.
"You have to learn from your mistakes- Arihant," she looked up, "Orchid Hill is one of the only places you can do that- it's one of the only places you can... be safe with people while you get your powers under control. The Carers are amazing- remember? How do you know they won't find a cure for someone if you touch them? If you don't stay, you eliminate that possibility."
The urge to take his hand was overwhelming. It was like... comfort, wasn't it? To comfort him. She used to hold Lee's hand when she wanted him to feel better.
Maybe it was instinct.
She wished she... that he would let her.
Kira's heart sank slightly as she spoke, "You eliminate far too many possibilities by never giving yourself the chance."

[Arihant]

He closed his eyes. Just for a moment. Just to see if it made any difference.
He didn't know if it was really him that was thinking this. He didn't know... How could it be him? How could he be sitting here and just thinking-
Thinking that what Kira had just said had made a hell of a lot of sense. Maybe it was just her. Maybe it was just the sweet, mad haze that came over him when he was with her making him think that.
But closing his eyes wasn't changing anything.
After all, Nurse Gornray hadn't actually said that they couldn't cure it, could they? And they wouldn't let him stay here - surely they wouldn't offer him a position if the risk was as big as he thought it was. They had magic. They could cure cancer, life-threatening wounds. Even things like AIDS and MRSA, according to the men who'd been speaking.
Then why couldn't they -
Well, they couldn't cure him because that was just how he was. But the disease... surely they could cure the disease.
Kira knew something. All that talk about "accidents." Clearly she didn't know what he'd actually done, because that was hardly tame enough to be termed an "accident", but she knew that he wasn't as innocent as things may have seemed.
And she was still telling him to say. Telling him about the possibilites.
Well, for him, he knew the possibilities were limited to... what? A year, year and a half tops at this school, and then back to the life he'd had before. The life he'd be going back to immediately if he left now.
Then what difference did it make, if he was going back anyway? Why couldn't he...
He opened his eyes and looked into Kira's eyes, searching, trying to find some hint of doubt, some sign that she was lying, that she didn't really want him to stay...
But he couldn't search. All he saw was her. And she had asked him to stay.
He didn't know if she was being truthful or not, but she said that it... that she wanted him to. So presumably, it would... make her happy.
And looking into her eyes right now, he couldn't bear to be the cause of the opposite.
He swallowed. He was going to go to hell for this, he thought, but a moment's quick denial pushed the unwelcome notion out of his head.
He'd decided then, hadn't he?
"I... You're right," he said quietly, feeling his skin heat up as somehow, miraculously, he managed to keep eye contact.
"I guess... I... I should, then, I..."
He smiled shyly, praying that he hadn't got it wrong. Praying that it had all been true. "I think I'll stay." He ran a hand through his drying hair. "It's mad, but I'll... I'll do it. I'll stay."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

... well, thank god for that!
The little girl was cheering inside of her; jumping up and down wildly in victory. The rose was already withering from her memories, and the ice cream suddenly tasted hot, and sweeter still. A childish grin beamed; much wider and much happier than her normal, vague smile.
He was staying...
Funny, how eyes so dark could be so warm.
Kira chuckled softly. "Thank you, Arihant."
Thank you... she really meant that.
She didn't know... why he was so worried about hurting people; but she had this feeling that something must have happened. Something must have happened to knock him down... maybe he made a mistake? She'd seen that rose wilt and die. It was so easy for him to make a mistake.
But Arihant was careful. She could see the tan gloves. She could see all the precautions he was taking.
And as long as she took her precautions too, everything was fine.
He didn't have to leave. She really meant what she was saying. It was ridiculous to leave the one place you could actually get help.
And... besides... if he'd left... she would've missed him.
Maybe a lot.
"Thank you for doing this..." she repeated softly, almost casually; biting into the cone of her ice cream, as though this was a completely normal conversation. "Y'know... for me."

[Arihant]

Something warm fizzed inside him as he heard her faint laugh and her thanks.
Funny, that. The laugh. The words. It almost sounded like she was relieved.
And for once he decided to ignore the fact that that made no sense whatsoever and just smile with her. It was just so much easier.
It was odd how fast he could go from complete dejection, self-denial and guilt to this buzzing happiness that pulled the corners of his mouth as far away from each other as they could manage. Strange that this choice - morally-grey, at best, and at worst it didn't even bear thinking about - could bring so much...
He'd always wanted to stay, he knew that. Maybe Kira had always wanted him to stay too.
Well. Maybe.
He watched her bite into her ice-cream cone, heard the gentle crunch, and then was reminded of his own. He glanced down at it.
He'd forgotten it was there, he realised, and it was just lucky for him that in its melting it had sank further down the cone rather than dribbling over the sides and onto his still slightly-damp gloves.
He followed her lead and took a bite as she said, faintly, "Thank you for doing this... Y'know... for me."
He didn't reply immediately. He was surprised.
He looked down at the creamy mound again, and then realised just what it was that had rendered the taste so familiar. What had the flavour been, again?
Ahh. Vanilla.
That was what it was, then. Vanilla. Vanilla, the scent that he had only smelt a couple of times before, but that he suddenly found himself more partial to than anything else he had ever caught the fragrance of. Vanilla, the smell that he would always from now associate with trailing blonde hair, tinkling laughter. Confrontations in Cardsdale, propositions in Blueberg, getting-to-know-yous in the Common Room. Snowy days in February on the front of a whole new life.
Vanilla. It suited her perfectly.
He looked at her. She was still nibbling at the cone with a delicacy that made his heart ache.
"You're welcome... for you," he said, smiling. "More than welcome, don't worry. You don't have to thank me."
He took another bite of his ice cream, relishing in the sweet taste spreading over his tongue.
"I have a feeling that I'll be the one who needs to thank you someday."