Truths

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

And so, they were back... again.
The snow was still lying thick on the ground at the school, but in the forest, the trees had filtered it, leaving only a light dusting of white on the ground. The flakes had landed after falling through the gaps in the branches, so that the snow fell onto the ground in patterned patches.
Madeleine was sitting with her ... fiancé under their tree. There was no snow on that patch of ground; the tree had kept their space dry for them that day, leaving them free to sit together there.
Madeleine had kept the news almost to herself today - meaning that she had yet to call her parents. The reason for this had been getting to her all day, ever since she'd woken up in Lee's arms that morning.
She could predict exactly what her parents would say - and one of those things was "does he know about you yet?"
And the answer to that, of course, was no.
Madeleine knew that she had to tell him at some stage about it, and not just for the reason that it was about time she told him. But the most important reason was the one that was currently holding her back, making her open her lips to tell him, before hesitating and closing again.
Lee was going to marry her.
Would he still want to if he knew about her past?
She knew he loved her, but... what if he thought the way that so many seemed to think? What if he'd been raised to fear her race? She'd heard so many young children being told that their parents would "sell them to the gypsies" if they didn't behave - what if Lee had been told this as a kid, and it has stuck with him? What if he'd believed all the lies spread about them? Would he not consider her good enough for him anymore, and leave her? Madeleine knew that she couldn't bear that at all, though she didn't think that he would react quite that badly...
But that was the problem. She didn't know.
She wanted to tell him - she wanted to belong fully to him, and she meant it. Her past, and her brother, were huge parts of her, and they were parts that she wanted Lee to share.
But what if...
Oh for chrissake, just come out and say it, Maddie.
But what if he did want to leave her? Could she cope with that?
Her mouth was dry as her lips parted, speaking his name.
"Lee?"

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Lee knew that he should be feeling so many things right now...
Excitement at his proposal to Maddie. Happiness in her acceptance of it. Relief at getting his memory back. Gratefulness at having woken up, and finding her in his arms. Nervous about everyones' reactions (not even Kira knew yet).
But...
All he could actually think about what the fact that his butt ached.
All around them, snow dusted the ground like icing sugar, and as pretty and romantic as this effect was, it also had the other rather unpleasent effect of freezing the ground. Lee, stupidly, was wearing an old pair of jeans, which were thin and raggedy now that he'd worn them so often. The icy coldness of the ground had managed to bleed through the back of them, leaving him uncomfortably, horribly cold, and numb.
Problem was, he couldn't move. Maddie was leaning on him.
This was a bit of a predicament.
"Lee?"
He jumped, awakened from his small, wild and daring plan of how to get up, and get some blood pumping again. He supposed it was a good thing she'd spoken, really. He was certain giving her a good shove had never been a good idea to begin with.
"What is it?" he asked, as pleasently as he could.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Now there was no way that she could avoid telling him.
Great. Just great.
This had to be the first time ever that Madeleine was considering her background as a 'problem'. She loved the way she had grown up, loved the freedom and the changes of it all, but now it was presenting a bit of a problem.
Well, a big problem.
She wouldn't pick anyone else's childhood over hers - though people mightn't be able to tell it, she was proud of her past, her family, her race. She just wasn't able to show it all time - which made her a coward. She knew that. She was unable to deal with the prejudice and discrimination that would come from it, so she kept her mouth shut.
Which brought on a round of guilt. And then anger, because she shouldn't be feeling guilty about it. And then guilt at the anger, because she should feel guilty...
It was just a vicious cycle.
But now was the time to face up to it all.
"Okay," said Madeleine, moving away from him and turning to face him. "Look, Lee, I have to talk to you about something."
Okay, really no backing out now.
"Before... before we tell anybody about this, there's some... things that you should know, in case you ... want to change your mind - because you don't really know much about me at all, and I... look, there's a lot of things that you don't know about me. And... if you want to change your mind, then that's fine, you can have an out. I can give you an out - I don't want to; I want to marry you, but if you want it, the out is there, because you don't really know anything about me and some things might affect your decision."
She hadn't meant for that rush of babble to fly out of her mouth, she hoped that her words would make some form of sense, but that clearly hadn't happened.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

As Maddie had moved, Lee had felt a rush of relief that he could move too, but now, this had all been replaced by confusion.
She what?
"... because you don't really know anything about me and some things might affect your decision," she ended, breathless anxious.
He gazed at her, his head cocked to the side. "Maddie, I don't understand."
What on earth could have gotten her worked up like this? He hadn't done something, had he? He felt himself settled into deeper confusion. No... no, he hadn't. But... he didn't... wait... what? This didn't make any sense.
She said she wanted to marry him- well, he wanted to marry her too! So what on earth could make her think he would actually rethink something like that? He loved her, for chrissake!
And with the confusion, came the worry.
She knew he loved her... so it must be something really, really bad...
"Maddie, what is it?" he said quickly.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine couldn't meet his eyes, so she kept them resolutely on the few snowflakes the tree had let pass through its outstretched branches.
He sounded worried, as well he might. She knew that she had made absolutely no sense at all, but she had no idea how to make that sound sensible.
She also had no idea how to start this - should she just come out with a short statement, or give some sort of introduction to it? She didn't want to make it short, sharp and sour, but she knew that she couldn't sugar it.
"What do you actually know about me?"
A simple question. But she knew that for someone who was engaged to her, the answer would be abysmal - and that was all her fault.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

That one stumped him slightly, and he was ashamed of it.
The thing was, Lee knew lots of things about Maddie. He knew her shape; her smell; her touch; her taste- he knew the way she stepped into the role of a Warrior; how it ran in her blood. He knew the soft brilliance of her eyes in the moonlight, and knew the way her cheeks flushed when she was excited. He knew just how to make her laugh, and just what made her cry.
Lee knew lots of things about Maddie.
But he didn't know what she was asking for.
And that was the problem.
Maddie was asking for something solid; something factual and simple. But the truth was, all Lee could really come up with was...
"Your brother Shaun is dead," he said slowly, "and... em... your dad doesn't like me much- and you look like your mum..."
Okay. He'd failed that- badly.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

She smiled wryly. "Do you see what I mean?"
Sighing, she leaned back against the gargantuan roots of their tree, finally bringing her eyes up to meet Lee's chocolate gaze, scrutinizing his face for any reaction, no matter how small it was.
"I didn't grow up like you and Kira, Lee. I grew up... well, completely differently. I've told you that I moved a lot, and that's not a lie... but it's not exactly the truth either. I probably gave you the impression that we moved every couple of years, but... it's closer to every couple of weeks. I've also told you that I come from a long line of Warriors, but that doesn't explain why someone as small as I am is as - physically, anyway - strong as I am. It's not just Warrior that runs in my blood; there's also a centuries-old legacy of bare-knuckle fighting. And because of my race, there was a lot of interbreeding, so it's just kept coming out stronger, and stronger.
"I'm not... I didn't grow up in a house. In fact, I've never stayed in a proper house for longer than a week. When I told you I lived in a forest at one point, I meant it. I have lived in so many odd places, I can't even list them all of to you."
She broke off, still carefully watching Lee. "I'm not like you, Lee, I'm not what we'd call a gadje. I'm a gypsy."

[Kira & Lee Norris]

... Okay?
Was that it?
Lee's eyebrows climbed higher and higher as Maddie spoke- when she got to the stuff about her race and used words like interbreeding, he'd recoiled slightly. He didn't like Maddie talking like that- about herself like she was some kind of dog. A lot of that hadn't made any sense, especially after she'd moved on to how she never stayed in a proper house for more than a week.
And then, when she'd called herself a gypsy...
He wasn't sure a flashback of a six year old Kira singing, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" was the most appropriate reaction.
"Not... like me?"
He was still struggling with this concept. What did she mean not like him? She was a person, right? Gypsys didn't have seventeen toes, or anything! So what did she mean?

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine's heart skipped a beat as she registered that he didn't look upset, or revulsed... just confused.
"I'm not like you," she said softly. "Well, that's how most of the world sees it. And there are differences... we've grown up in completely different cultures. Different languages, at points. Different homes, different ways. You're perfectly happy to settle down in one place and live there for your entire life, I'd struggle to deal with that - and I mean, really struggle. You've seen me get ridiculously stir-crazy here because I'm trapped in one place - and to me, that's what it feels like sometimes. Like I'm trapped. But in everything else, I am like you." Her voice was rising slightly now, a fervent passionate tone in her voice. "People just don't see it that way, because I live differently to you, to what's considered the norm. We're not the same, and I've had to deal with that since I was old enough to see the difference. In towns that I'm camping in, I still get insults in the street for being a 'gypsy girl', and this has been happening for as long as I remember. There's so many stereotypes - apparently we all sleep with our cousins, and eat raw meat - we like rabbits apparently," she added, with a bitter laugh. "We buy children and torture them, all that sort of stuff. We're liars and cheaters, we'll fleece you at any oppurtunity. It's not very original, but what can you do?"

[Kira & Lee Norris]

Lee listened to her words with growing alarm and anger- anger at those who honestly would think Madeleine would be this way; this awful stereotype- and alarm at the idea she'd actually think he thought like this!
Gypsys... what was wrong with gypsys?
And why would people...?
Oh, right. They're people.
"Maddie, why are you telling me this?"
Actually, he already knew... she thought he was one of those people. She actually thought he was predjudiced against her- for something as stupid as her heritage?! The thought angered him; surely she knew him better than that?

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine chewed on her lip.
"Because... well, if we're getting married, then you should know all of this. It's about time I shared it with you, and... I don't know what you think of all this. For all I know, you could have been brought up to be scared of us - you've no idea how many times I've heard parents telling them that they'd "sell them to the gypsies" if they misbehaved. I've met so many people that I would have thought would never have believed all the... utter bull that gets spread, and I've made friends with them, but as soon as they found out who - or what, as they put it - I was, they left. I told you that any relationships I've had before never lasted long, that's one of the reasons why."
For the next bit, she glanced down at the ground, avoiding his eyes - because as much as she didn't believe it would happen, she was still terrified that she'd see revulsion in his eyes.
"And ... as much as I hate to admit it, in some of those stereotypes where there's smoke, there's fire. In the past, some gypsies have been known to steal sheep - and you know what people are like, they still resent things like that centuries later, never considering that it could be because they wouldn't trust us with jobs. And because we're a minority, if one person does something bad, we're all saddled with that reputation, whether its true or not - and it's definitely not true. And the inbreeding thing - that was true in the past, and it's still ... well, sort of true in some clans, just definitely not the the extreme it used to be. My ancestors... well, incest isn't the right word, but they did have children with their cousins and the like - so I am partly inbred."
She didn't feel it was the time to point out that that was the case for a hell of a lot of European families in past centuries, especially their monarchies. Most people seemed to conveniently forget that vital little piece of history.
"And even if you don't believe all of this, if you're not prejudiced - people tell me that I have 'muddy' blood. What guy wants their children to be mothered by someone with blood as 'muddy' as mine?"

[Kira & Lee Norris]

"And even if you don't believe all of this, if you're not prejudiced - people tell me that I have 'muddy' blood. What guy wants their children to be mothered by someone with blood as 'muddy' as mine?"
Madeleine's explanation of her heritage and past felt like a slap to Lee's face. A cruel, stinging slap; as though he'd been the one abandoned by his friends because of his family. Every offence her felt like one against him- and he couldn't believe he hadn't known any of this. Then... the thing about the 'inbreeding'... well, why was that such a big deal? He knew cousins used to marry all the time in the past, it was incredibly common, not just amongst gypsies. Although it was rarer now, first cousins could still marry nowadays!
And her gaze fell from his, and Lee could feel the fear radiating from her. She... she really did think he would believe all of that crap, didn't she?
... okay, right, did she know him at all?
"Maddie," Lee said, a hardened edge to his voice. "I doubt even an idiot could look at you and think that you're in any way unworthy of me, or anyone else."

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Misinterpreting the edge in his voice, Madeleine glanced up at him.
As he'd started speaking, her heart had stilled at the harsh accent to his words, but she'd been a little reassured by what he'd said, but she was still to scared to let herself melt the way instinct was telling her to.
"You're angry," she said in a low voice. "Please don't be angry. I know I should have told you this before, but I promised... I promised that I would keep it a secret. I should have told you long ago, but..."
She tailed off, bracing herself for the next thing he would say.

[Kira & Lee Norris]

"Madeleine!" Lee cried in disbelief, staring at her. "Maddie- I'm not mad at you! Sure, I'm feeling a bit worked up; actually, I'm getting really worked up- but it's not because of you."
He groaned, slumping backwards on the trunk of the tree. Mad at Madeleine? God... He was marrying this girl and she... she...
The voice in Lee's head was satisfied; viciously attacking him now. Funny, how he didn't really know that much about her- stuff like this gypsy stuff. Maybe they were too young, the voice told him, and what if they rush? What then?
Could Lee forgive himself if he let things crash and burn?
"I'm mad because I can't believe there are people out there that would think of you like that," he breathed, looking back at her.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

She bit down on her lip and closed her eyes for a second.
Oh, thank you God...
He didn't care. He really, really, didn't seem to mind. Lee was just upset because people had said those things, had believed those things...
She hadn't thought it was possible to fall more in love with him than she already had, but she'd just been proved wrong.
Opening her eyes again, Madeleine met the steady gaze of his. "You don't... you don't mind?"