Guilt

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine lay back on her bed, trying to get rid of her thoughts.
Wuthering Heights hadn't done it, Pride and Prejudice definitely wouldn't, and even the soothing sounds of her guitar wouldn't get it out of her head.
The guilt.
The resentment.
The doubt.
She should be glad that it was over with - but she wasn't. She couldn't be. She'd been in too deep, and now, all she wanted was... numbness. Somewhere where she couldn't think.
The door to the dorm opened, and Madeleine sat bolt upright, but it was only Will.
"Hey," she said, jumping up and going to her beside table. "Here, I meant to give this back to you ages ago..."
She rummaged in the drawer, before taking out the healing necklace that Terrico had brought her in the battle.
Was it really only a month ago that that had happened?
"Here," she said, handing it to Will.

[Will Wright]

Will had Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru in her head. She walked up through the common room and burst through the girls dorms.
She heard someone sit up their bed. They moved around before finally saying, "Hey," they said. "Here, I meant to give this back to you ages ago..."
She recognise the voice as Madeleine's. She thrusted something towards Will.
"Here," Will's hadn stretched out and a cold something hit it. She looked down and saw her necklace.
"Thanks," she put it around her neck and felt a bit more power that she hadn't felt in over a month return again. "Much better,"
She walked over and collapsed on her bed and pulled her diary out of her trunk.
"So how are you?" Will was busy writing in her diary. She didn't want to think about Anton for the first time. He had annoyed her greatly today.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine sat down on her bed again, hunching up her knees, feeling cold... so cold.
"Eh, alright," she lied. "And you?"
Distract me, please.
She wanted to be distracted, so she couldn't think those thoughts that were going round her head, faster and faster until they made her dizzy...

[Will Wright]

"Annoyed. Are you sure your alright? If you're cold I'll put the heating on in here!" Will said forcefully. She was feeling sicker by the minute.
She tried to relax but it wasn't working.
"Anton and I had a fight...it wasn't good." she stopped. She was hoping to forget about it. A pen on her bedside table started to float in mid air and then came in front of her and started writing on her diary.
Dear Will, please forgive me....I...I didn't mean too. I don't know what I can say that will make you feel better about it or believe me.
Love Anton
Will growled and used her psychkenisis to write back to him.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine glanced at the moving pen, feeling even more nauseous.
"I'm fine," she said softly. "What happened?"
It was mean, but she wanted to focus on someone else's lovelife problems, rather than her own.
She glanced at the mirror opposite her. She looked like hell - she was oddly pale, but her cheeks were slightly flushed.
She used her psychokinesis to make her handmirror fly over and levitate in front of her face, and to bring her foundation over, so she could make herself look a little less like death warmed up.

[Will Wright]

Will watched as Madeleine put on her foundation. She was putting of answering her question.
Her pen floated again and started to write. She got so annoyed that she used her pyschokenisis to break the pen and to send a message back to Anton. She got of her bed and walked to the bathroom and fixed her hair.
"I don't want to talk about it right now," she finally answered. She walked back in and went and sat on the window ledge thinking...just thinking.
She thought about what would happen if Anton died. She shuddered, thinking about it. She was like this. She always thought about death. She would never get used to it and she had lost her parents to it but she wouldn't lose anyone else.
"When do you reckon we'll get our test results?" she slumped against the window frame.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Tests.
Tests was a good subject. She could think about test results instead.
"I don't know," she mused quietly, setting her make-up down on the bed and making her mirror zoom back to the dressing table. "Soon, I think."
She barely even remembered the tests now. What had happened? The written ones she didn't need to remember... what about her shapeshifting?
Oh. The cat with no tail.
The Manx cat...
Immediately Madeleine's fists clenched on a fold of her quilt, as she forced the thought out of her head.
No. No. No.
"How do you think you did?" she asked, blindly searching for another subject.

[Will Wright]

"To be honest with you...I haven't the foggiest." she fell silent. Everything went silent. A cold breeze came through the window and voices from the students outside in the gardens drifted up. Laughter, happiness, just talking and mucking about. Like she did with her mum and dad.
"So how've you been keeping up...with school work I mean?" she questioned.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

"You mean between battle training and -"
She immediately bit off what had been folllowing that, and withdrew into herself again, keeping quiet.
Stop thinking about him, Madeleine. It's over. You can stop now.
"... and all that?" she finished quietly. "Well enough, I suppose. You?"

[Will Wright]

"Actually quite well considering...." she broke off. She went into a daze and tried to listen to the students below. She heard some of them sweet talking each other and nearly was wretching.
"Do you ever get those moments where you daze out and listen to other people's conversations but you don't know what they're saying?"

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine shook her head, laying back on the bed.
"No. I hear them, but I don't listen. I wouldn't want... well, there's things I wouldn't want people to overhear me saying, so I don't like hearing them talk. Sometimes it's unavoidable, but then I know exactly what they're saying."
She frowned. "Why?"

[Will Wright]

"No reason. Just wondering," she used her psychokinisis to bring her pillow and duvet over to her. She decided to sleep on the window ledge.
"I'll be back," she climbed out the window and onto the roof. She decided to stargaze. "Madeleine you should come up here and stargaze. There's so many of them tonight and you can even see Mars," she called.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Madeleine bit her lip. Stargazing... they'd been doing that at camp, that first night.
"No thanks," she said, just loud enough for Will to hear her. "I'm not really in the mood right now."
Gosh, she sounded self-pitying and sad there. Emo Madeleine. When really, she had no right.

[Will Wright]

Will decided to come back down and join Madeleine again.
"Mad...eleine are you sure you're ok? are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Will came and sat on the end of her bed.

[Madeleine Baudelaire&Russ Ford]

Oh no. It was that obvious.
"Talk about what?" she said, brazenly, sitting up and leaning against the headboard, gazing at Will. "I'm fine, I'm just a little tired, is all."
Liar.